My DVR Rules My Life

The Office: Recession Comes to Scranton

2009-11-12T21:30:00.002-05:00

Haven't you heard? Oh, I was under the impression that everyone had heard. About the recession. You know, the one where people losing their jobs. And houses. And retirement funds. The one that they watch TV to escape. Yeah, that one. Well, apparently the damn thing has been going on so long that TV can no longer stay immune. The recession has come to Dunder Mifflin, and no one is safe, least of all productive work.

So apparently, Dunder Mifflin may or may not be filing for bankruptcy. Michael's response? Play a murder mystery dinner party game. Yeah. Now, the thing is, having worked at a company that went through significant layoffs earlier this year, I think I would have enjoyed doing something so frivolous and inappropriate to take my mind off of what was going. So although Michael is the most bizarre man to ever run an office, I think he's on to something here.

The other upside to this murder mystery was everyone talking in ridiculous Southern accents. I love a good Southern accent, especially from Pam. And Erin.

Speaking of Erin, SHE LIKES ANDY BACK! Oh it was so sad when Andy said he wasn't serious about asking her out because he thought she wasn't serious, because she was indeed serious! I think these two might make the perfect couple. She sweet, nice, and just quirky enough for him. Also, I think I'm going to be a big fan of Ellie Kemper, the actress that plays Erin. Her one-on-one with the camera where she told them she was actually really excited about going out with Andy was very, very good.

I kind of torn when it comes to deciding what the best scene in the episode was: Dwight punching himself in the balls, or Jim and Pam having a very real conversation about what would happen if they both lost their jobs. Yeah, it's definitely Dwight punching himself in the balls.

All in all, I really enjoyed tonight's episode, although I can't fathom what would actually happen if Dunder Mifflin were to liquidate or shut down.

Gossip Girl: Getting Down with 3P

2009-11-09T21:04:00.006-05:00

There is one thing, and one thing only, that I want to talk about tonight. I was so surprised, but also not so surprised. It makes total sense that it happened this way. If I wasn't so blinded my love for Serena, I would totally have seen this coming. Were you surprised? I totally didn't see Jenny not knowing how to ballroom dance, did you?

Naaah, I'm just playing with you. Let's talk about the fact that Dan, Olivia, and VANESSA ABRAMS had a THREESOME. AAAAAAHHHHH. One, AWESOME FOR DAN. I didn't think dude had it in him. Two, I think this does an away with any lingering dislike I may have ever had for Hilary Duff. Can we please, please, please make her a series regular? I think she's great. Three, (and this one comes from my dear friend Tali), I'm worried about Vanessa's annoying quotient for next week, because this threesome thing has dropped it all the way down, and like the Dow last fall, there's going to be a lot of volatility moving forward after this event. My real fear is that this little menage-a-trois is going to make Vanessa realize she is secretly in love with Dan again, which will make my insides scream "Go drink coffee and leave me alone!" I'm also afraid that will set off some kind of psychotic break in Olivia which cause her and Dan to break up and Olivia to leave the show. All in all though, the threesome was a bit of a snoozer. If only Serena were involved.....

Brief rundown of the rest of the episode:

Serena going after a Congressman even after she says she won't = stupid and ambitious
Jenny Humphrey trying to become Queen of the UES = ughh
Jenny Humphrey having her escort stolen from her by some new girl = Awesome
Jenny Humphrey using Nate (YET AGAIN) to get back in with the popular crowd = Really?
Serena and Blair reconciling because Chuck locked them in an elevator = Sugar and spice and everything nice
Serena's Dad writing to Lily = HIGHLY UNBELIEVABLE. (1) He would call (2) He would show the fuck up (3) Serena is going to go on a coke binge and sleep with Congressman Trip because of this.

I apologize if this post seems a little disjointed: I'm operating on very little sleep. I couldn't let the threesome go unacknowledged though. Have a good night.

V Premiere: We Are Of Peace....And Universal Healthcare

2009-11-03T21:17:00.003-05:00

Just finished the V premiere, and I will tell you immediately, I really liked it and I think it has a lot of potential. I didn't take notes, so this post will be mostly just my high level impressions. First one:

Are the Visitors supposed to be some symbol of Obama? Let me say up front that I am a Democrat through and through, so I'm an Obama fan. Ok, now I watched this episode with roommate, and right about the time that Anna, the head visitor, was giving her press conference, my roommate said, "Huh, they're like Obama," mostly because of their message of peace and love and all that. Skip to later in the episode when Anna is giving her first big interview to Chad (Scott Wolf). One of the first things she talks about? Opening Visitor's healing centers all over the planet, i.e., universal healthcare. I swear, I about fell out of my chair. This show is TOPICAL, to say the least. Seriously, universal healthcare in the premiere? I wouldn't be surprised if the Vs have some death panels up their sleeves later on. But seriously, are the creators secret Sarah Palin fans? Am I just imagining this or did anyone else think this too?

I still love Elizabeth Mitchell. I like that she's starting out as the hero this time around, I like that her character, Erica, is an FBI agent, but damn I wish she was going to have a big role on LOST this season.

Morena Baccarin is the sexiest alien since Jeri Ryan as Seven of Nine. And here is where I'm showing just how geeky I am, since that was a Star Trek: Voyager reference. But seriously, Anna could have easily become a wooden, ice queen character in the hands of a lesser actress, but Baccarin gives her some subtlety and intensity which makes her just fascinating to watch.

Who else thinks Erica and the priest will eventually get it on? I do.

I'm kind of hoping the show stays good/gets better, although I will say I'm not a fan of this 4 episodes now, the rest of the episodes later airing pattern. Hopefully the ratings will be huge and ABC will reconsider.

Gossip Girl: The More Things Change....

2009-11-02T21:00:00.003-05:00

....the less I'm sure that I still like this show. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed this episode, but there are some things going on that make me feel like I'm watching a completely different show. I guess that's just a feature of these characters growing up, but it leaves me a little conflicted. Let's look at what worked:

The characters continuing to embrace jobs/careers/etc. Now seeing Nate and Vanessa take on more adult roles (Nate as the shady political advisor and Vanessa as the investigate reporter/general busybody), I stand by what I said last week: I'd watch a show where these characters are young adults with jobs and careers. Now I realize that pursuing that format might mean abandoning the Gossip Girl narrator conceit (at 23, who's really going to want to write a blog about these people?), but I think it might be well worth it. Careers will gives these kids something more to care about. I really do think they should consider pressing fast forward at the end of the season.

Blair and Serena's fighting. I'm going to be honest, I hated this argument for 3/4 of the episode. I hate it when Blair and Serena fight because its always over something stupid and they always make up in the end. Then Blair called Serena a whore and Serena pushed Blair into the cake. Ok, I'm a sucker for girlfights. And then Chuck had to go and get all wise and tell Serena that she and Blair needed to stop acting like children because one day they were going to drift apart for good. As if that wasn't enough, Blair went and told Serena the real issue was that Blair was growing up and Serena was just stuck, drifting from her family and dating a string of unfortunate men. Ouch. But also very, very true. It seems like this fight is going to last for a while, but I hope they make up in the end. And then they stop having stupid fights like this.

Dan didn't freak out about his girlfriend being prettier than him and making a joke about him on TV. Old Dan totally would have dumped her because she wasn't as real as him and he couldn't handle her "status." After seeing the interview, New Dan simply realized he forgot their anniversary. I think tonight's episode was the first time I didn't want to punch him, even though he and Olivia are nauseating together.

Blair befriending an escort in her search for a new BFF. That was just hilarious. Also, she's obviously an intellectual hooker with a name like Brandeis, instead of the more traditional Lexus or Mercedes.

Serena looking at a picture of herself in the paper and smiling. This was the opening shot and it was amazing. It was nice to see the show continue to point out that Serena is a vain, self-centered girl.

Now for the things I didn't like or just seemed plain stupid:

The whole Nate-is-losing-his-moral-compass plot. It made no sense and just seemed really out of character for him. This is a kid who turned his own dad in to the FBI. The only way this would have worked is if (1) it was very clear that he was out to get the Buckleys because of Bre's betrayal and (2) we had actual seen enough of their relationship to believe that he would care about said break-up. I'm glad to be done with it, but it just seemed dumb.

Vanessa making a documentary about Trip's campaign. Bitch, please. Vanessa HATES rich people and more specifically she HATES the Vanderbilts, because they stole Nate from her. Why would she agree to make a documentary about them? Maybe because she's trying to get closer to Nate again and insert herself into his life, because she's crazy and all up in people's business. I have to her credit for three things though: (1) making sure NY1 got the tape regardless of Nate's interference (2) not drinking any coffee throughout the entire episode and (3) not dressing up like a Disney character. I'll take my victories where I can get them.

The implication that Tripp will sleep with Serena. DUDE. You've just been elected to Congress after an election day scandal that almost cost you the race. Your wife is pretty cute. There is no need to be with Serena and the Boobs. I mean, don't get me wrong, if circumstances were different I might condone this. BUT YOU JUST GOT ELECTED. It's way too soon for the sex scandal. And Serena, SHAME ON YOU. You're totally playing into what Blair said. Don't be an idiot. There are plenty of other guys who want the Boobs. Let this one go.

Spelling Vanderbilt Van Der Bilt. Please, are we supposed to believe that anyone would actually spell Vanderbilt that way? Or that they might be part of some other Vanderbilt clan that spells it that way? Nuh-uh. I get that maybe the real life Vanderbilts didn't want their name used, but then the show should figure out how to avoid showing it. Spelling it this way is just stupid.

Jenny being sick. Unnecessary, didn't make any sense continuity wise, and just plain annoying. What's the matter, J, did throwing that sewing machine on the floor in your bedroom last week take it out of you? Or did all that face makeup you've been wearing clog your pores so the toxins can't get out? You suck at life.

So that's it for me. I will leave you with some quotes, but before I go, let me just tell you: THREESOME EPISODE IS NEXT WEEK. I repeat: THREESOME. NEXT WEEK.

"Make it happen. Clean up your mess or clean out your desk."--Casey.

"As much as I enjoy listening to my girlfriend talk to my ex-girlfriend about her fake boyfriend who is coincidentally my current girlfriend's ex...."--Dan. When you put it that way, Dan, you make it seem like this show is unrealistic.

"Ughh....please, I'm not friends with staff."--Blair to the Alpha New Headband, making sure that Alpha New Headband is a minion and nothing more.

'What about that Vanessa girl, didn't you know her in high school?" "I've never heard that name before. Now you can see yourself out."--Beta New Headband and Blair just before Blair dishonorably discharges her. (Random thought: Blair gets an Apprentice/Top Chef-esque reality show to find minions. Her dismissal catch phrase. "Please relinquish your headband. Dorota will see you out.")

"Miley Cyrus is already signed on to play the Elizabeth Shue role. They must have seen her on that pole at the TCAs."--Patrick to Serena about the Leaving Las Vegas remake. Now that sounds like a party in the USA if I've ever heard one.

"Well you didn't think they actually wanted to play 5 hours worth of board games with us, did you?"--Lily to Rufus about Dan and Olivia. Yes he did, Lil, and that's why you love him.

"He's bombed. He's worse than Paula Abdul during Hollywood Week."--Blair to Serena about Patrick. FUNNIEST LINE OF THE NIGHT.

'The polls are closed and Gossip Girl is calling this election...dirty."--GG

"Let me guess you want to go upstairs and see if two blondes make a right."--Serena to the Senator. Can I just say, I DO! I DO! I DO!

"Ladies, this is supposed to be a classy event not a sample sale at an outlet mall."--Chuck to Blair and Serena.

"The only prostitute here is you."-Blair to Serena just before Serena shoves her face into a cake. FUCKING. AMAZING.

"It is time for her to grow up." 'This from a girl who pushed her best friend into a cake."--Serena and Chuck

"Bartender, I'll have what she's having."--Tripp about Serena's drink. And she didn't even have to make sex noises to get him to do it.

How I Met Your Mother: Best Episode Yet

2009-11-02T19:57:00.005-05:00

I'm practically jimping, that's how good that episode was. Seriously, it was like head and shoulders above any episode thus far this season. There are several factors that contributed to this. I will take each in turn:

1. The believable yet slightly absurd but always hilarious plot. Lily and Marshall get into an argument over washing the dishes that spirals into an argument about a whole bunch of other stuff. Realistic? Yes. Hilarious? Yes. Robin and Barney do very weird things to stop themselves from arguing. (Barney abruptly walks out of the room, and Robin takes off her clothes.) Realistic? A little bit, although their methods are extreme. Hilarious? Yes. Also, I loved the juxtaposition of these two couples: one so good at being in a relationship that it's sickening versus one just starting out that has a lot of roadblocks to normalcy in its way. It was nice to see everyone make up in the end.

2. The newly-invented term. From this evening's episode, it was "playing the bagpipes," a euphemism for having sex very loudly, and "new relationship smugness," thinking your new relationship is better than all others. Based on the quality of the episode, I think they will quickly join the ranks of "reading a magazine," Old King Clancy, Lemon Law, and last but not least The Hot-Crazy Scale.

3. The inside jokes. At one point in the episode, Ted and Marshall make a slap bet. Now, you may remember that there was a running slap bet between Marshall and Barney that started back in season two--you know, right around the time that this happened. It was nice to see that concept brought up again.

4. The fast paced dialogue. Seriously, tonight felt like a joke-a-minute episode, but not in a way that felt rushed, but in a way that makes me want to go back and watch the episode over and over and over again.

So for me those are the four criteria for a fantastic HIMYM episode and tonight we saw all of them in play. And in case you were wondering, I totally side with Lily. Dirty dishes go right in the dishwasher, leaving them in the sink attracts flies.

I will leave you with some quotes:

"Hell I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know."--Marshall to Barney.

'You can't fight if you're not there, that's what Gandhi taught us." "Well that's not true."--Barney and Ted

"Call me crazy." "Crazy."--Marshall and Ted. HAHAHAHAHA.

"There are so many great things to do with the human mouth, why waste it on talking."--Barney. UP TOP.

"You're right, I'll do the dishes....right after I do this."--Lily to Barney is his fantasy (which kind of sounds like my fantasy, except maybe we both wash the dishes. Ok, fine I wash the dishes because I know she won't do it right. There, happy now?)

"Barney...with his crazy well thought out theories that probably might work."--Marshall about Barney

'We spent the whole weekend cuddling by the fire. No black diamonds, but a lot of red hearts."--Robin. This is when I threw up. Just FYI.

"It's like Gandhi said, smile don't cost nothing sugar." "I'm not sure you know who Gandhi is."--Barney and Ted

"I knew you were lying. You've got to wake up pretty early to slip one by the T-Mos." "Stop it."--Ted and Robin. Don't worry T-Mos, V-Dog approves of the nickname.

"You're dirty, maybe I should leave you in the sink."--Lily to Marshall. You can leave me in the sink anytime, Lil. Oh yeah, UP TOP.

Gossip Girl: Gimlets and Fights Make For A Good Halloween Night

2009-10-26T21:02:00.004-04:00

Eh, yeah the title is a little cutesy. I apologize. This episode put me in a good mood, even though nothing particularly good happened. There weren't very many quotable quotes, and I'm starting to get sick of watching Blair and Chuck bicker then make up, but there were a lot of little things about this episode that I really, really liked, and that I liked ranting about. Let's dive in:

Chuck, Serena, and the Boobs as working adults. I've decided that I like seeing Chuck, Serena, and the Boobs have jobs, especially ones that they're so well suited for. Chuck loves to party, so of course he should own a club. Serena and the Boobs are fame whores, so of course they would be publicists. These are jobs they know how to do and they seem to be good at. I think I could watch a future version of this show that centered around some kind of event planning company run by these two, and I would probably like it. I want to see more of them in these kind of situations.

Gimlet. Perfect name for a club run by Chuck. To quote Liz Lemon, I want to go to there. Also, speakeasy-themed Halloween party? Total winner. Furthermore, speakeasy themed Halloween party getting broken up by the cops? Because Chuck planned it that way? Olympic fucking champion.

Hilary Duff. I know, I know, she's not that annoying, right? Who would have expected it? Not me. Although there is a chance that I find her less annoying now that we've gotten to see a few scenes from Endless Nights, Olivia's movie. Turns out vampires + soft core + period costumes = something I will watch and enjoy. No surprise there really given my obsession with True Blood. (Also, random thought: Michelle Forbes should guest star as Lily's sister or something. Wouldn't that be awesome?) Anyway, I'm also convinced that she makes Dan less annoying. I would actually like to see her stick around. Lord knows she's not getting much other work.

Lily and Rufus. They are so sweet together. I love that Lily paid to have children come trick or treat just to make Rufus happy. They are quickly becoming my favorite part of the show. Also, loved how Lily scolded Little J. Speaking of which.....

Things I didn't like:

The rise of Little J, the Dead-Eyed Queen of Constance. Little J: I hate, hate, hate, hate it when you make your power-drunk, I'm-the-Queen-bitches face. You look like you've shut your brain off. Also, show some emotion once in a while. It won't kill you, although it may aggravate that massive hangover you seem to walk around with all the time. Try some Tylenol and an orange juice. Also, you're a moron for betraying Eric to the New Headbands. That yogurt prank was cold. Honestly, don't you remember when you were a homeless fashion designer and Marissa Cooper's sister burned all your clothes? And Eric was still nice to you? YOU'RE AN IDIOT. Furthermore, if you're going to try to rid yourself of your old life by throwing away all those clothes you made for yourself and your sewing machine, you could at least, oh I don't know, TAKE THEM TO THE TRASH CHUTE. Throwing them in a giant pile on the floor for whichever maid is cleaning the van der Humphrey apartment these days doesn't really make it seem like you're trying. Maybe you were trying not to move too much again because of the massive hangover. Whatever, I'm starting to hate you once more. Bitch. Goodbye.

Bitchy Serena. When Serena and the Boobs get bitchy, they act like Little J, which means it seems like they're not acting at all. Her voice goes all wooden and she keeps her eyes half open. If Little J has a massive hangover, then Serena and the Boobs have popped a muscle relaxer or a valium. I would appreciate it if we could have Blair, Serena, and the Boobs make up relatively quickly, as I'm not interested in watching them fight if Serena is just going to imitate Mischa Barton, thank you. That being said, girl knows how to get her picture taken....that and date rich famous men. I give this new one two episodes.

Chuck and Blair fighting. Like Chuck said at the end of the episode, they work best when they are scheming against others. Let's start to see more of that next week.

Other things to note:

Can someone tell me what Nate does all day? How does he time to constantly be downtown and in Brooklyn? Does he actually go to NYU and they forgot to tell us? Seriously?
Where is Vanessa? She and Blair have some massive detente at the end of last week's episode, and this week she is nowhere to be seen. Bitch, please. And don't tell me she is off visiting her sister. We know she is in that coffeehouse drinking coffee and deciding which minority Disney character to dress up as next. My money is on Jasmine.
Dorota and Vanya need more screen time. Love those two.
There was a little girl dressed up as Lady GaGa for Halloween. I think we all need to be worried about the youth of America. Especially since the little girl planned 12 costume changes for the course of the night.

That's it from me. I'll leave you with the quotes:

"I told you I was sorry for my little transgression. Now either make me kiss a girl already or move on."--Blair to Chuck

"Seriously man, do you not get internet here in Brooklyn."--Nate to Dan. No, he doesn't. He also doesn't get clues in Brooklyn either.

"Fix it and in a timely fashion, or were all going as the Real Housewives of New Jersey for Halloween."--Jenny to the New Mean Girls. Two words, Little J: PROSTITUTION. WHORE.

"I'm sorry...apparently Chuck hasn't forgiven you."--Serena and the Boobs to Blair. Uh oh.

"A fight implies time and energy. This is more of an ongoing, detached distrust."--Chuck

"I love the photo of you. So flattering. Who can resist free gifts...and shiny wrappers."--Dan to Olivia, talking about condoms.

"Oooh hooo hoooo, I don't like the tickle."--Dorota about her pedicure.

"I don't know why he's blaming me, I can't control every girl at school." "Jenny, you and I both know that that's not true."--Jenny and Lily. Lily, have I said I liked you today?

"Tell those pathetic trick or treaters there's no pre-packaged joy here."--Blair

"Remember when you chose Chuck? Now I did too."--Blair to Serena and the Boobs. I smell a fight brewing.

"Blair you and I both know you'll never be completely trustworthy."--Chuck. Oh snap.

How I Met Your Mother's Contribution to the English Language: Legendary

2009-10-20T20:52:00.002-04:00

The folks over at Television Without Pity have pulled together a list of terms introduced by How I Met Your Mother that have revolutionized the way 20-somethings speak to each other. While I've found the Hot/Crazy Scale to be most useful in my day to day life, my personal favorite will forever be the Old King Clancy. You know what I'm talking about. Oh yeah.

Gossip Girl: Vanessa Paints With All the Colors of the Wind, Including the Crazy Ones

2009-10-19T21:00:00.003-04:00

Well, this week's episode didn't suck. I'm actually realized surprised that it didn't suck. Post-Georgina episodes in my opinion are usually a bit of a let down. Of course, we did have ANNA ESPINOZA in this episode, so maybe that's why it was somewhat good. (For those of you who don't now who Anna Espinoza is, click here for an overview.) Let's talk about what worked:

VANESSA WAS DRESSED LIKE POCAHONTAS. Normally, anything involving Vanessa is a negative. This time, not the case. The way she was dressed for the freshman toast instantly made me think of Disney's favorite Native American princess. Don't believe me, click here. Don't tell me you don't see the similarities. And don't tell me that you don't think she did it on purpose.

VANESSA'S MOTHER. Now I can understand why Vanessa loves coffee so much. She uses the constant rush of caffeine to simulate what she thinks a mother's love should feel like. Vanessa's mother is a little bit of bitch (again, not surprising because she's Anna Espinoza). She doesn't believe in private universities, or movies, or being nice and supportive. She's all I'm-hard-on-you-because-I-love-you-bitch to Vanessa. But seriously, she hates NYU? It's pretty frigging liberal. It's not like Vanessa went to Yale or something. You have to feel a little bad for her though when she overhears Vanessa say she wishes Lily and Rufus were her parents. That's harsh. I felt a little less bad when she stood Vanessa up at--where else--the coffee shop. No wants to see Vanessa cry. She makes ugly cry face.

Vanessa being manipulative. Because really did anyone expect it to not blow up in her face? She can't tell entirely different stories to Olivia and Dan and expect them not to discuss it. She knows how much Dan loves the sound of his own voice, he will speak, dammit.

Blair manipulating Chuck. Chuck actually really does love her, and he was legitimately upset that she tricked him into kissing that guy so she would get to deliver the Freshman Toast. Also, I'm going to make the painful joke: We found out Chuck kissed a boy before, and he liked it. (Groan...damn you Katy Perry and your incessantly popular lyrics.) This storyline also worked for me because I love manipulative Blair. She's so frenetic and full of life.

Olivia going all diva to freak out Lily and Rufus. (1) Hilary Duff does have some kind of personality (2) I think that actually made me like her more and (3) I appreciate any situation where someone tries to embarrass Dan. Tool.

Ok, now let's talk about what didn't work:

Serena, the Boobs, and Nate and the weird ass poker storyline. So there were a lot of things that annoyed me about this. (1) Nate thinking he knows anything about poker. (2) Serena thinking Nate knows anything about poker. (3) Serena thinking she knows anything about poker. About how halfway through the game after Serena lost the intial $25K, I wrote down: WHY WAS THIS EVER A GOOD IDEA?? (4) Carter's punishment? Working on an oil rig. Seriously? Seriously? (4) The weird dress Serena was wearing that distracted from the Boobs. (4) Nate playing Serena to endear himself to his family. No one, NO ONE, betrays the Boobs. (5) Serena lighting a bajillion candles in her room. That seems like a huge fire hazard. (6) Carter wanting to work on the oil rig to serve out his punishment. (7) Carter NOT WANTING TO SPEND ONE LAST NIGHT WITH SERENA AND THE BOOBS. Seriously, you're about to go onto an oil rig full of Texans who hate you and you don't want to spend the night with THE BOOBS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

The period opening. It was annoying, although Blair would have nightmares about Vanessa, since she represents everything Blair hates: an educated proletariat looking to overturn the social order.

Blair and Vanessa sitting together at the end of the episode. See above for one reason why this would never, ever, ever, EVER happen. No.

So in general, the episode was good, except for the gross misuse of Serena and the Boobs. I'm signing off for the evening, so I will leave you with some quotes.

"Don't worry, I have an idea."--Nate. FAMOUS. LAST. WORDS.

"I'm in no mood to her you fawn over some girl with tacky accessories who lives to recycle."--Blair to her minion about Vanessa. Blair, you forgot about the coffee.

"I would never put my fate is someone else's hands, which is why I win, and you lose."--Blair

"Ok, so do you have any non-insane reasons?"--Dan to Vanessa about why he shouldn't take Olivia to the freshman dinner. No, Dan, she doesn't. You've met her, right?

"My husband and I don't believe in private universities, knowledge should be free."--Vanessa's mother. I bet she's a fan of free health care too. That and communism.

"I'll go powder my nose for...10 minutes?" "I only need 5."--Blair and Chuck about how long it will take him to pick up Ellis.

"You think I'm upset because I never kissed a guy before? I'm upset because I kissed someone who wasn't you."--Chuck. Huzzah?

"Sophie, you're minion number one."--Blair to one of the minions while re-ranking them. At least her formula is easier to understand than the BCS.

"I love Rufus and Lily, and I wish they were my parents."--Vanessa, just as her mother walks in. Ouch.

"Lily you're supposed to say everything is going to be fine. Where did you learn how to give a pep talk, Guantanamo?"--Blair. So THAT's where Lily was. Mystery solved.

How I Met Your Mother: Feeling Out of Place Never Looked This Funny

2009-10-19T19:58:00.003-04:00

Ah yes, here it is: a wonderful, gleeful, very funny episode of How I Met Your Mother. Yet again, this show seems to have a direct link into my brain: tonight's episode was all about feeling out of place in your own life, something I've been feeling a bit lately. For Robin, this means considering having to give up her Canadian citizenship, i.e., the very core of her identity. For Ted, it means realizing that your bro trips will never be the same as they were when you were 19, except for the violent stomachaches after bad pizza. The meaty plot, coupled with some very funny jokes, made for my favorite episode of the season thus far. Let's look at what worked:

Robin studies to become an American citizen. This was funny because (1) we got to see Robin act Canadian, A LOT. I love Canadian Robin. Especially drunk, I-will-fight-you Canadian Robin. (2) We got to see Barney teach her to be an American. My favorite lesson? Holding up a picture of Queen Elizabeth II and telling her it was Elton John. Priceless, and not really that much of a stretch. (3) We got to GO TO CANADA. More specifically Toronto. Even more specifically a Tim Hortons. I love Tim Hortons. And I love that we finally got to see a Tim Hortons, because Robin always talks about them. And they are great. (4) Curling, Canadian money, hockey......do I really need to go on? I want Robin to take a trip home with Barney to meet her parents. That would be funny. (5) Robin thinks being American is basically being mean and telling people what to do....basically act like drunk Canadian Robin.

Marshall brings Lily on the bros trip. Don't get me wrong, I like being single, but I get where Ted is coming from. Sometimes you don't want to feel like the third wheel to someone else's relationship. It's a little demoralizing, especially when your trip full of energy drinks and beef jerky turns into massages at Crumpet Manor (I will get to that later). Additionally, the fact that Lily needs to pee constantly is pretty damn funny. Also, that book on tape would make me want to kill myself. Loved the gross pizza place they went to and the stomachaches they got afterward, especially when Marshall screamed "CUT IT OUT!" I've been there, and it's not pleasant.

Crumpet Manor. Marshall and Lily would go to a place like that. Cornmeal massages, a wishing well, a bench to sit on. The place sounds like it should be a stop on the next version of Candyland. Also, love the fact that all the pampering made lulled Lily into an almost comatose-like state.

Tantrum. One word: TANTRUM!! Excuse me while I go do push ups in the kitchen.

THE SONG. You know the one I'm talking about. The one about when I wake up. The one involving me knowing I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man the man who wakes up next to you. CAUSE I WOULD WALK 500 MILES AND I WOULD WALK 500 MORE JUST TO BE THE MAN WHO WALKS A THOUSAND MILES AND SHOWS UP AT YOUR DOOR. BA DA DA DA. BA DA DA DA. DUM DIDDLE LA DIDDLE LA DIDDLE LA DA DA. Come on, you know you were singing along too. And you loved it. Every minute of it.

Lily has an iPhone. Nothing else really here except that I love my iPhone so much and was looking for an excuse to say it.

There really was nothing I disliked about this episode, it was all great. I will leave with you the quotes:

"We were like Lewis and Clark, if Lewis and Clark peed in a soda bottle and had a bong made out of a cantaloupe."--Ted

'Tantrum!"--Ted

"We'll stay up all night. I'll drill you, then I'm gonna help you study."--Barney. UP TOP.

"Punch buggy yellow. Yellow. That reminds me I have to pee."--Lily

'Let's go buy something that's bad for us, then sue the people that made it. That's American, Robin."--Barney

"Now to prove you are American as apple pie and the childhood obseity it leads to...""--Barney

"Maybe I'll rob a liquor store, maybe I won't, my choice."--Robin, being American

"Learn English!"--Robin trying to be American and yelling at a cab.

"Oh my god what happened last night?" "You went Canadian."--Robin and Barney, as he finds her in a trashed hotel room in Toronto.

Mad Men: Shit Is About to Hit the Fan

2009-10-18T21:56:00.004-04:00

I was excited to see tonight's episode, not because of what I expected to see onscreen, but rather because of what's been going on offscreen: this episode was the last one co-written by Emmy winner Kater Gordon, who was recently let go from the show. I was expecting a hot mess of an episode (as much as any episode of Mad Men could ever be a hot mess), but I was actually pleasantly surprised by what I saw. Stuff HAPPENED tonight. Let's dive into the best parts:

Betty finds out that Don Draper is really Dick Whitman. Betty found the keys to Don's secret drawer of secrets, and she seemed quite pleased with herself, until she found out what was in it. Her consternation at Don's pictures of his youth turned to anger when she found the deed to the house in California and Don's divorce papers from the other Mrs. Draper. OH SHIT. You would think Betty would freak out, but no. Instead she decides to sit up and wait for Don, glass of wine and cigarette in hand, so she can confront him when he gets home. When Don doesn't show up, she puts the box away and the key back in his robe. Apparently she is going to sit on this information for a while. Why? I do not know.

The Brits are selling Sterling Cooper. I'm not really sure why (they want to cash in apparently, but that seems silly, because the agency is making a ton of money.) This is interesting because (1) Roger, Bert, and Don have no idea and will probably freak out and (2) it means we can get rid of that awful Mr. Price. He's boring as shit and annoying too.

Miss Farrell is about to go Fatal Attraction on Don. First, she tells him she wants to scream while they're having sex. Then, she wants him to meet her brother. Then, she calls his house and denies it. (I KNOW it was her.) Then, she just appears on his train to work. She's also going through a tough emotional period because of her brother's problems--he has epilepsy. If this were a different kind of show, she and Betty would be having a showdown. Regardless, I think she's going to continue to unexpectedly intrude in Don's life.

Paul finally realizes that Peggy is smarter and more creative than he is. That final scene, where Peggy just takes a Chinese saying that he had mentioned mere minutes before and turns it into a pitch is kind of awesome. Also, Paul is a tool.

Those were my takeaways from tonight's episode. I'll leave you with some quotes to help you ponder your own:

"Do you feel bad about what you do?--Crazy Miss Farrell to Don. Obviously not, lady.

"I love getting telegrams, but I never send them." "How is that supposed to help?"--Cosgrove and Don.

"Ughh, he's such a toad." "He is, he is."--Price's wife and Price about Price's assistant. Note: I like Mrs. Price.

"Well he knows how to leave a room."--Crazy Miss Farrell's brother about Don.

"Geez Louise"--Sally, when Betty yells at her for asking questions, but also probably about her life in general.

"I don't care about your marriage, or your work, or any of that, as long as I know you're with me."--Miss Farrell to Don. She's also stolen a lock of your hair and keeps it with her all the time.

"Good god would you shut up."--Paul to Lois

"She's not Margaret, she's Jane, she's my wife." "Does Mona know?"--Roger and his mother. That was fucking hilarious.

Grey's Anatomy: Every Time I Think I'm Out, It Pulls Me Back In

2009-10-16T19:28:00.005-04:00

Let me say this upfront: I fucking hate this show. I do not when it happened, I do not know how it happened, but watching this show causes me physical pain. I cannot stand it. Let me expound on the things I hated this week:

I hate the Chief. I HATE him. He has turned into a giant, giant asshole. I don't even recognize this man anymore. He is in love with power and in love with himself. This merger will not be good for the hospital. Where is Adele? Why isn't she talking him out of this madness?
I hate the Mercy West doctors. I hate that impish little one who used to be on Heroes. I hate that brownnose bitch. I hate the guy who exploited Izzie (even if I hate her, I still consider her one of my own, and will attack anyone who attacks her). I hate their ugly orange scrubs. (This is a hospital, not a hazmat area). I hate that fact that I have to learn a whole new set of character names. They fucking suck.
I hate that they put Ellen Pompeo in a bed. It was starting to get fun guessing the things they would hide her behind so we don't see her pregnant belly. The bed is a cop out (although I'm glad Meredith did donate the piece of liver to Thatcher).
I hate that they're trying to cram too much story into one episode. Let's take Callie's storyline, for example. Her dad shows up with a priest to try to get her to go straight again, and she freaks out. Arizona convinces her to talk to him again, and we get a really great scene of them quoting the Bible at each other to prove their points. We also get a scene of Arizona talking to Callie's dad where we learn she comes from a military family and they have a quiet moment of bonding. This story would have been enough to carry an episode, but it was overshadowed by those damn doctors in hazmat suits.

I think the thing I hate most about this show, though, is that when I'm about to write it off, it fucking has to go and make me care again. First, Cristina has an epic breakdown in Mer's hospital room where she freaks out about the fact that her career is going nowhere. When Cristina cries, I listen. Sandra Oh, you are a fantastic actress and you deserve an Emmy for what you did in this episode in the worst way possible. The crying, the brutal honesty, the halting speech. Now that is what I call dramatic acting. It kills me, KILLS ME, to see Cristina, fierce, fiery, force of nature Cristina reduced to tears, to a shell of herself.

The good stuff didn't stop there though. Nope, because THIS happened:

I have said terrible, horrible things about Izzie Stevens. I have wished death on her character repeatedly. I have called her bat-shit crazy, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and bat-shit crazy.
I've gotta tell you though, this broke my heart. She didn't deserve to go out like that. Not after Alex fried a guy's brain back in season 1, not after Cristina lied and lied and lied for Burke, fuck not even after she didn't get fired for cutting the fucking LVAD wire back in Season 2. She's got CANCER and she's still doing her job. She made a mistake, but a mistake no worse than any of the others have before. Everything about this scene worked: the way Izzie's eyes and only her eyes change when she realizes what is about to happen, the way the Chief shuts down on her and goes into his drone "it's budget not performance" speech, and they way she goes all quiet and says meekly "Please don't do this to me. Please don't take this away from me, I don't have anything left. Please." Izzie may still be a crazy bitch, but if you don't feel for her there, you're made of stone.

And it didn't even stop there. In the final scene, Alex goes into Mer's hospital room, where she and Cristina are lying in bed, and tells them while hovering near the door, that Izzie has left him. He's on the verge of tears the entire time, but when Meredith commands Cristina to hug him, he recoils as she approaches. The episode ends there. And then there were three.

So to conclude, fuck you Grey's Anatomy and fuck you Shonda Rhimes, because you now have me invested in this show yet again when I desperately, desperately do not want to be.

I will leave with you some of the better quotes of the night:

"You will never measure up to the people we've lost."--Izzie to the toolish Mercy West attending, referring to George

"I miss Burke. I miss him all day."--Cristina. WOAH.

"She's not a vegetarian, is she? I don't know how much more of this I can take."--Callie's father to Callie about Arizona.

30 Rock Premiere: IT'S BAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!

2009-10-15T21:30:00.004-04:00

30 Rock returned tonight and all of us coastal, liberal, yuppie, media elites rejoiced. Oh how we rejoiced! 30 Rock is fresh off it's 3rd consecutive Best Comedy Emmy and tonight the show was firing on all cylinders. I would say let's talk about what worked and what didn't, but I can't find fault with the episode, so let's talk about my favorite parts:

Liz and Pete. I loved how these two sneaking around automatically equaled affair to everyone else (in reality they were trying to find a new cast member who would appeal to Middle America). Even better, Pete's wife showing up and saying she would let Liz into a threesome if that's what Pete wanted. If I were Liz, I wouldn't have been so quick to dismiss. She isn't getting any younger and we all know how much she wants a baby......just kidding!

Tracy trying to commune with the regular folk. Someone who lights money on fire for fun trying to befriend us huddled masses could have gone poorly, but Tracy Jordan is just so bat shit crazy that it is nothing but funny. See the quotes below for some of my favorites from him tonight.

The page strike. I liked this plot because:

It's topical. The Wall Street bonus controversy is beginning to rear its ugly head once more. I'm not going to get political and take sides, but I will say, I love the idea of a strike whose sole goal is to get someone to admit they're a liar, rather than any kind of monetary reward.
It featured Jack, and Jack is funny.
Kenneth talked in a weird, bizarre Southern accent. It was funnier than it sounds.

Jenna going country. Just another chance for her to indulge her unrestrainable narcissism. Love it.

Cheesy blasters. These were mentioned in the opening scene. I've noticed a pattern involving Liz Lemon and cheesy things: she gets excited about them, eats them, then complains about how they hurt her stomach and will eventually make her go to the bathroom. I know for Liz, sometimes food is a metaphor for something bigger. I wonder what cheese stands for. Also, have we seen Liz talk about the yogurt that makes you poop? I think she would have an opinion on that.

And now, since it is getting late, let's move on to the quotes:

"Don't look at me in the eyes."--Tracy to the guy in the comedy club. This is because Tracy Jordan is actually Medusa, except instead of turning into stone, you'll start to think people are Muppets.

"Thanks to Comrade Obama's recession, we've had to cut overtime for pages."--Jack. Hey now, Jack, the recession started before he got elected. We can't keep giving him credit for things he hasn't accomplished, can we?

"Liz's uterus fell out."--Pete to Cerie when she asked what he and Liz were talking about. Cerie thought she already new that. I think to Cerie "uterus" must equal "dignity."

"My dear friend Moby opened up a tea house in Park Slope. Does he know you?"--Tracy. (1) Moby would and (2) Tracy wouldn't be friends with him, he'd steal his glasses and tea.

"Bonus means extra. I know that...from game shows."--Kenneth. So do I, Kenneth, so do I.

"You do not want to mess with me right now. I'm in the middle of a raging period......of economic turnmoil."--Jack. Hehehehehe.

"Shut up, shut up, here it comes."--Liz to Jack about Jenna. That's because Jenna is a banshee and therefore not actually a female. Either that or Damien grown up and cross-dressing.

"Are you a large child or a small adult?"--Tracy to an Asian woman on the street. L-O-fucking-L. Teresa? Lanie? Lois? Any answers?

Are you a pre-op trans centaur?"--Tracy again. No, Tracy, he's a post-op faun. Learn your mythical creatures dammit.

"There you go. Case closed, Pete and I are intercoursing each other."--Liz to the writers. The way she says "intercoursing" just gets me all hot and bothered ;)

"Do it now when she's drunk on attention...or in an hour when she's just drunk."--Pete to Liz about telling Jenna they're hiring another cast member. Drunk is drunk in my book.

"If it's a blond woman, I will kill myself!! AAAAHHHH!!!"--Jenna, about the potential new cast member. Do you think she would react the same way if it was her clone?

"If it's a blond woman, I will kill myself!"--Tracy, about the potential new cast member. I love how these two think alike.

"Massage it, Kenneth."--Jack. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

So what did you all think? Did you all love it as much as I did? Also, didn't anyone notice Jack call the new mammogram machine GE was manufacturing the "Git-R-Done 3000?" Priceless.

The Office: It's Only Been a Week and I Already Miss Jim and Pam

2009-10-15T21:00:00.004-04:00

So The Office didn't completely suck tonight. In my mind, that is a good thing, since my own viewing history of the show would indicate that a stellar episode--like last week's wonderful wedding--gets followed by a really crappy one. Tonight's episode didn't have any of the Michael Scott histrionics that usually make my skin crawl, which is in and of itself a victory. Let's look at what worked and what didn't:

The Good:

Kevin using Jim's office as a place to fart. I LOLed (or lolled as I like to say) at that one. Also, the fact that Kevin got Jim's credit card cancelled? HILARIOUS, albeit unfortunate for Jim, who was on his honeymoon with Pam, because they got married last week. Did I mention they got married? :) :)
The Italian-American insurance agent. I may not have mentioned this, but I happen to be Italian-American. My family is from Brooklyn--Bensonhurst to be specific--and I grew up eating pasta with red sauce 3 to 4 nights a week. Fuggedaboudit. So seeing someone who represents my background walk into Michael's office was FANTASTIC. Additionally, his presence prompted Michael, Dwight, and Andy to all try to order gabbagool (aka, capicola, a spicy Italian ham) at the restaurant. My mother likes to say the word gabbagool to remind me where I came from. Yeah, this was a nice turn of events.

The Bad:

Michael and the rest of the office thinking the insurance agent was in the Mafia. Come on, everyone knows insurance leaves too big of a paper trail. And you can't hide bodies in offices like you can in garbage dumps and concrete foundations of buildings. I'm just saying. Also, this went on for way too long. Way too long.
No Jim and Pam. I know, I know, they were on their honeymoon, and we got to hear their voices, but, as I've said, they are the primary reason I still watch this show, so a week without them cannot be a good week in my book.
The feeling that nothing really happened tonight. This episode felt very much like filler, which I guess is understandable given that the wedding happened last week, but it still not pleasing.

So, for me, this was very much a "meh, whatever" episode. Now time for quotes:

"What you people don't know about business, I could fill a book with."--Michael. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, Michael.

"Jim's on his honeymoon, so I started borrowing his office to fart in."--Kevin. HAHAHAHA. HA. HA.....HA

"For the record, not all Italian-Americans are in the mafia."-Oscar. Nope, just in the restaurant, construction, and waste management businesses.

'R is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it "murder" not 'muckduck.' "--Dwight

"Criminals are like racoons, give them a taste of cat food and soon they'll be back for the whole cat."--Dwight

"I want the gabbagool."--Michael. I'm not quite sure how to spell the way this sounds, this is the closest I can get. It does sound as funny as it looks here though I promise. And it tastes delicious.

Community: I Like This Show A Lot, But I'm Still Not Sure It's Great

2009-10-15T19:58:00.005-04:00

I have time to really blog tonight! Woo hoo! The evening started off with Community, which I'm normally excited to watch because I love Joel McHale and The Soup so much. Tonight's episode felt a little off though. I'm not saying it wasn't funny, it just wasn't consistently funny, which I would expect from a show that's got a few episodes under its belt. Let's break it down:

The Good:

Senor Chang. He's got just enough "My life blows" in his personality to be crazy without going overboard. Ken Jeong is a fantastic actor.
Jeff and Britta. I'm a sucker for romantic tension and I think I will like them as a couple when they get there. Until then, I will like Britta continually sniping at Jeff until he does something nice for her.
Annie, aka Alison Brie, aka Trudy Campbell. I'm not sure I love Annie as a character. She can be a bit shrill. I do like seeing Alison Brie flex her comedic chops, because it's clear she's got great range to do drama and comedy. She needs to get her butt back over to Mad Men, though, because Pete's eyes are a-wandering and someone needs to watch him.

The Bad:

Abed's storyline. Just didn't do it for me tonight. I kept waiting for him to walk off screen so I wouldn't have to see him. I found him irritating and not at all engaging like he was when he was making his student film.
Chevy Chase. No disrespect to Chevy, but I find his character, Pierce, infinitely, infinitely annoying. Infinitely. Like I just want him to shut up when he opens his mouth. I'll give him some props based on the school song set to Tupac's "Changes" at the end of the episode, but honestly I wouldn't mind seeing Pierce get expelled.
The British Guy. I don't know the character's name because we haven't seen him in a while, but his presence feels unnecessary. And unfunny. Save for his scenes with Senor Chang.

The Undecided:

The rapid fire pop culture references. Ok, I know, I know, I should love them, but honestly they're hard to keep up with and this isn't 30 Rock. Case in point: in the opening scene tonight Senor Chang called Annie "Mary Ann," Pierce, "Grandpa," Shirley, "Jackee," Abed, "Kumar," and himself, "Mr. Miyagi." That's references to Gilligan's Island, The Munsters, the mom from Sister, Sister, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, and The Karate Kid all in a span of five seconds. That is a shit-ton, yes a shit-ton, of pop culture references. I like them, but I also like not having my brain working on all cylinders watching for and working out pop culture references all episode.

Ok so those are my thoughts. Now for some quotes, which were pretty damn funny:

"Well I may be a genius, but I'm not a lesbian."--Pierce. Yup, just yup.

"We are mature. Too mature to sit in a class with a cheating, lying poopface."--Senor Chang

"She stormed out of the room in her high-heeled boots like it was tampon time."--Senor Chang. Woah. He went there.

"You're very confident, I'll say that." "You shouldn't be."--British Guy and Senor Chang to the man taking a shower.

Am I alone here in thinking that tonight was a little off? Please tell me if I'm wrong.

Friday Night Lights: Looking Ahead to the Premiere

2009-10-15T07:32:00.002-04:00

Friday Night Lights returns Oct. 28, and Ausiello over at EW.com had a few spoilers for the premiere in his weekly report. Apparently one of the returning characters turns into "an unbelievable douchebag" (his words, not mine.) My bet is that it's J.D., that little punk. Any thoughts?

Thanksgiving Day Parade: NBC Gets Vindictive

2009-10-13T10:00:00.002-04:00

So did any of you see this story yesterday about the cast of Glee getting dis-invited from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade? Apparently NBC didn't feel comfortable featuring the whole cast from a rival network's show. It's too bad, though, since featuring those kids might have actually drummed up a few more viewers for them. Lord knows they need them. Now NBC just seems petty.

Gossip Girl: It's a Nice Day for a Bat Shit Crazy Wedding

2009-10-12T21:00:00.005-04:00

I knew it, I knew it, I KNEW IT. It is impossible for a Gossip Girl episode to be bad when Georgina Sparks is present. I don't know how she does it. It's almost as if she has some kind of crazy magic that she dusts all over the other characters to make them interesting and do interesting things. Either that or she's somehow hypnotizing me with her crazy, making me think this show is good when it isn't. Eh, I don't care, perception is reality in my book. So many different things happened tonight, it's hard to keep them all straight. Let's start with what was good:

Georgina fucking Sparks. I dare any of you to tell me she wasn't the best thing about this episode. From her ridiculous ploy to get Dan to dump Olivia by blackmailing Vanessa (she's dating Orlando Bloom! She's pregnant! The gesturing was priceless) to her nonchalant reveal of the lovechild to Lily and Rufus, Georgina just exuded an air of "Yeah, I'm bat shit crazy, what of it?" And it worked, amazingly well. I think it's hilarious that she's obsessed with Dan, because only a girl like her would be. We don't see The Boobs fawning all over his lame ass anymore. Also, love the fact that she's getting whisked off to Belarus as part of Blair's revenge against her for ruining the wedding. I can't wait to hear the stories she'll bring back.
Lily and Rufus got married! Honestly, I've loved Lily and Rufus as a couple ever since she walked into his gallery and asked him why Dan was going on a date with Serena all the way back in Season 1. They have good chemistry, they have history, and they have real love. It makes me happy to see them get their happy ending (no not that kind of happy ending), even if it will be messy and flawed, because, hey, that's the way life works. Also, the fact that Lily didn't even try to wear a white dress at this wedding (which by my count is her 5th or 6th) makes me love her all the more.
Blair and Serena: Wedding Planners. Those girls threw that wedding together quick. I'm sensing a business opportunity here, especially if they can continue to use Jenny's minions, or "new Mean Girls" as Serena calls them, as slaves, I mean, helpers.
Vanessa getting what she deserves. The thing she deserves being not attending the actual wedding at the apartment, the one time when it would be acceptable for her to be all up in everybody's business. Serves her right. I still don't understand why she wasn't there, but I'm not going to complain. I bet she was getting coffee, because she hadn't had a cup in like 30 minutes.
Dan thinking Vanessa was in love with him. Because (1) he would, the douche, and (2) she totally is and this will be a plot point at some point in the future.
Blair hating on Bre. Because no one takes Queen B's property. No one.
The Boobs. Do you even have to ask at this point?

Now for what was bad:

Lovechild appears and disappears faster than you can say "Georgina is crazy." Seriously, we bring the lovechild back as a plot point and then just have him go back off to Boston? That quick? Really? I'm glad Lily was mean to him, he deserves it. At least we don't have to look at his creepy face anymore. Creeper.
Eric and Jenny acting creepy. I guess having their creeper brother around brought out the worst in these two. "He has my nose." "Those are my eyebrows." "Do you like board games?" Say hello the new Wednesday and Pugsley Addams everyone. Creepers.
Bre and Carter. Because I find them both useless. Ughh, I'm actually kind of happy Bre and Nate broke up, because they were boring and annoying all at the same time. And Carter deserves to get the shit kicked out of him, mostly for never wearing a belt though.
Saying goodbye to Georgina. Because I love her. Here's hoping Mercy gets cancelled and she comes back.
Sonic Youth. They were creepy looking and freaked me out.

And now it's time for quotes, which there are quite a few of, since Georgina's presence made the dialogue that much snappier:

"The toilets in Tokyo talk."--Dan. Please shut the fuck up, Dan, no one cares.

"Trust me, Nate, I know women, and none of them are that nice."--Blair to Nate. Truer words never spoken.

"Why won't he respond to any of my calls, my texts, or my animated e-cards?"--Georgina. Because you're scary, G.

"Get Dan to dump the whore, or I'm going to tell the whole world Scott's secret."--Georgina.

"Some say love is a secret you keep sealed, but to Georgina Sparks, love is always a battlefield."--Gossip Girl. Hah. There were a lot of musical

"Well that was just pathetic. Haven't you ever tried to get someone to dump a celebrity before?"--Georgina to Vanessa

"Why would I tell that future NASCAR mom anything? I hate her and the tractor she rode in on."--Blair. Love her.

"I'm not in love with you, you moron. Georgina's been blackmailing me."--Vanessa to Dan. Because, Dan, no who gets to know you well could possibly love you.

"The only time I want to here 'no' is if Ruth Madoff wants an invite."--Blair. Like I said, I smell a business.

"My family's in investment banking. They're all broke."--One of Jenny's minions.

"What does it mean when someone used to grab your ass but doesn't? It means that someone is a big fat liar."--Georgina. Perceptive, G.

"I nearly choked, she shoved her tongue right down my throat."--Dan. That's because she was trying to suck out your soul.

"Your lovechild. Yeah, not dead. Congratulations, it's a boy."--Georgina to Rufus and Lily. AMAZING.

All in all tonight was a great, great episode, music included. I hope things don't go downhill next week without Georgina, although the preview (the Boobs play poker!) looks promising.

How I Met Your Mother: You Know You're a Sexless Innkeeper When....

2009-10-12T20:01:00.005-04:00

Tally ho, good readers! What did we think of this evening's episode? Personally, I have to say better than last week, and best one of the season yet. I was a little worried, because I hate it when Lily and Marshall get weird, but I'm also a sucker for montages, which we had plenty of tonight. That being said, here were the three keys to greatness for tonight's episode:

Lily and Marshall's Double Date Quest. Never having been in a serious relationship, I cannot relate to Lily and Marshall's desperate need to find a couple to play with. Never having been in a serious relationship, I can totally relate to their frenetic energy and desire to impress, which might make them act a little bit crazy. I love the way Lily overengineered the evening--her and Marshall prepping was akin to a general planning for battle. Additionally, I also loved Barney and Robin totally rejecting their craziness, and the way the rest of the episode played out as a result. Especially the...
The Montages. Honestly, set images to ironic music and I will laugh, laugh, laugh until the cows come home.....or until the montage stops. We got two great montages tonight. The first was a music video Marshall made to commemorate their special evening:

Wasn't that funny? And creepy? I'd give 51% funny and 49% creepy which is just the right balance for something like this. The second montage, and by far the superior one, was of Robin and Barney dealing with the fact that Lily and Marshall found another couple to hang out with. In fact, most couples around them had found another to hang out with. The only thing left for Robin and Barney to do was wander around aimlessly, wallowing in their couple loneliness and binging on junk food to words of "All By Myself." Yes, that sound you hear is me cackling because this is the funniest thing I've seen all day. PERFECT, PERFECT, PERFECT. That leaves us with just one key left...
Barney's Lesson of the Week: The Sexless Innkeeper. Apparently a Sexless Innkeeper is someone who you go home with at night who you have no intention of sleeping with. You do it only because you need a place to crash for the night. I enjoyed learning this term because now I know what to call myself. No, I will not tell you the number of times it has happened to me, because I don't like public humiliation. It is a brilliant concept though. Even better was Barney's ode to the Sexless Innkeeper:

All in all, this was pretty great episode, even if the whole Lily-and-Marshall-want-a-couple-to-hang-out-with plot was highly reminiscent of that Season 8 episode of Friends where Chandler and Monica meet a couple on the flight back from their honeymoon that they get way too excited to hang out with. HIMYM is the new (and better) Friends after all. As is my custom, here are your quotes:

"There's still pie."--Lily holding a knife, as a couple tries to escape her apartment.

"It was like we were on a date with a sad, chubby girl our mom made us call."--Barney

"Which is funny because usually it's the innkeeper that offers turndown service. Up top!"--Robin. Nice to see Barney rubbing off on her.

"We're so lovable." "No we're not. We're ugly and gross."--Lily and Marshall, and they eat ice cream. I've been there.

"Cat funeral, cat funeral, it was an accident, and not entirely my fault."--Marshall's song

"You're a sturdy, cheese-bearing cracker."--Lily to Marshall. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. (I know it doesn't really apply.)

"How do we know you two won't hurt us again?"--Lily, in the rain, to Robin and Barney. It was just so funny.

"Dammit, why is there something so attractive about a bad boy...and girl."--Lily, still in the rain, to Robin and Barney.

Mad Men: Brief Meditations on Tonight's Episode

2009-10-11T23:30:00.004-04:00

Mad Men is a complex show. Most of the time I do not really understand what is going on. As such, I will just share a few random unrelated thoughts:

Don is getting careless. Sally's teacher, Don, really? She seems like the types that will go all Fatal Attraction on him. This will end the least well of all of his long-term affairs, and that includes the one that ended in a car crash. Yeah. Bad idea.
Conrad Hilton is obsessed with Don. See Fatal Attraction comment above about how this storyline will resolve itself.
Did anyone notice that Betty's stationary had a fleur de lis at the top? For those who don't know, the fleur de lis was the symbol of the House of Bourbon, the French dynasty that ruled right up until the French Revolution. Now, as you may recall, Marie Antoinette was the French queen just before the revolution, so I'm wondering here if we're supposed to be drawing a parallel to her. Actually I bet we are, since that fugly couch Betty has in the living room totally seems right of Marie Antoinette's boudoir.
Betty has daddy issues, which is why she wants attention from Henry Francis. That is all I will say there.
Did Sal go to try to find the guy from Lucky Strike at the end of the episode? Or was he just going to try to pick up someone else?
I find it very hard to ever take Roger Sterling seriously, and therefore could only laugh when he was trying to yell at Don at the end of the episode.
My jaw dropped when Betty said, "This whole thing makes me wonder about civil rights, maybe now isn't the right time," right to Carla. That's one of those moments that really makes you appreciate how well grounded the show is in its time period.

Anyone else notice anything good?

Clip of the Day: Happy Friday

2009-10-09T08:27:00.003-04:00

Because if there's anything that could get me to start Clip of the Day again, it's this. Watch this, smile, and maybe pass it forward. Everyone deserves to be happy on a Friday:

The Office: JIM AND PAM GOT MARRIED! WOO HOO!

2009-10-08T23:19:00.000-04:00

That. Was. Fantastic. That was hands down, bar none, the best episode of The Office I've seen in over year. Hands down. For a long time I've thought Jim and Pam are the only good thing about this show, so it makes sense that an episode about their wedding would force everyone to raise their game. Heck, even Michael was acting nice, aside from his ridiculously awkward toast. I love the way he talked to Pam's mom.

I'd also say the rest of the Dunder-Mifflinites brought their A-game as well. Andy rupturing his scrotum (Yes, I really did write that because it really did happen), Kevin losing his shoes because they smelled too bad but gaining a toupee which looked awesome, Dwight going boom boom with a bridesmaid, and, and, and............sorry I was getting overly excited.

Really though, as with so many things from this show, the episode was totally made by Jim and Pam and the wonderful sweetness of their relationship. The running bit about mental pictures was adorable, the scene between the two of them just before the wedding when Jim cut off his tie to cheer up Pam was sweet, but the kicker was the walk down the aisle. Jim's brothers decided to replicate that "Forever" wedding march that made the rounds on YouTube earlier this summer and the entire crowd danced down the aisle and it was amazing. Jim and Pam didn't mind though, because they had run off earlier to get married on one of those Niagra Falls ferries, which we got to see interspersed with the "Forever" dance.

Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.

High Level Thoughts on Last Night's HIMYM and GG

2009-10-06T20:07:00.002-04:00

How I Met Your Mother:

Barney taking a class on Robin from Ted = hilarious. Ted teaching a class on his ex-girlfriend = a little creepy, but also hilarious.
Three things that distract Robin = Canucks, Gun Cleaning, and Emperor Penguins = really hilarious
In general, much better episode than last week, but mostly because the A-plot was stronger and more believable.

Gossip Girl:

This will be no surprise: Tyra Banks is incapable of acting, unless acting requires her to act like herself. "You know no one supports me. Everyone is against me." Bitch please.
Vanessa seemed less annoying. This could be for one of three reasons: (1) She had no screen time, (2) She didn't have any coffee, or (3) Hilary Duff is significantly more annoying, therefore making Vanessa seem less annoying by comparison.
Dan is not a real person: movie star is a plus at 18, not a minus. You're not looking to settle down, dude. Man up.
Serena, a publicist? She is a fame whore, so I can see how that might work.
Jenny not wanting to be Queen is kind of the like the Hulk, we won't like him when he's angry, and we won't like her when she makes her I-love-being-in-power face.
Blair, just transfer to Columbia, please. If Daddy can afford a chateau in France, he can buy your way into an Ivy. Seriously.
Lily, it's about time you got back. Rufus was getting creepy without you.
Good episode, but next week will be better because GEORGINA IS COMING BACK. WOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Also, to those of you that may have read the story today that the show's creators are planning a threesome for sweeps, just know that I'm reserving judgment until I find out which characters are involved. The boobs, or not the boobs, that is the question.

No Posts Tonight

2009-10-05T20:52:00.001-04:00

Unless you can get the throbbing pain in my head to go away. Otherwise, look for a GG and a HIMYM recap tomorrow.

Diversity on Television?

2009-09-29T10:10:00.003-04:00

I rarely use this space to talk seriously about anything (save for my affection for all things related to the Boobs, which is totally serious and for real.) That being said, a friend of mine did a little data mining to look at the relative dearth of minority leads on the fall schedule. I really hadn't given this much thought, but she's right, there really aren't that many minority characters on network TV these days. What do you all think? Is that bothersome? Discuss.

Gossip Girl: Wait, WTF?

2009-09-28T21:00:00.005-04:00

Um, looks like last week's episode was an aberration, because Gossip Girl has returned to its boring, fucking bad ways. Things were not clicking for me at all tonight, from Vanessa completely missing the chance to act like an interesting person to Chuck and Blair making me want to die inside to Georgina totally passing up the opportunity to use the line "I won't be ignored, Dan." (Seriously, why the fuck aren't we getting the Fatal Attraction episode next week? Even The O.C. did one.) I'm digressing. Let's dive into what didn't work this week:

Creepy Scott and The Poorly Resolved Plot. So Creepy Scott was finally, finally found out this week, and by Vanessa nonetheless. (There is a brain under that mop of fake dreads after all!) Creepy Scott asked her to keep his secret until he could talk to his adopted parents, but Vanessa, being the I'm-all-up-in-everybody's-business-all-the-time-because-I-have-no-life-of-my-own beeotch she is, immediately, like IMMEDIATELY runs to tell Dan, but can't tell him because Georgina shows up. Meanwhile, Creepy Scott, who had been creepily spending time with Rufus without telling him anything, decides to go to the BIG EVENT OF THE WEEK with Vanessa where he will have the opportunity to tell Rufus the truth. Just when you think the truth is about to come out, Scott's adopted mom shows up and tells him how much she loves him. This leads Scott to (1) tell Rufus that he is not the lovechild, but the lovechild's brother and (2) immediately move back to Boston. Wait, what the fuck? We had to watch this douche for three weeks only to have NOTHING HAPPEN. Bitch, please. Go fuck yourself, show. While leaving, Scott asks Vanessa to keep the secret. Yeah, douchebag, because she'll be as good at that as she is at not drinking coffee. Which is not good at all. Because Vanessa loves two things: coffee and everybody else's business. Fuck.

Relationships I'm Caring Less and Less About Every Week. Ok, Blair and Chuck are really getting on my nerves. For real, y'all. Their chemistry has seemed to completely dry up. Additionally, Chuck's new "I'm in a relationship" personality just makes him seem creepy. Like a Willy-Wonka-wannabe-who-has-escaped-from-the-asylum creepy. (Don't tell me that with all the purple and bow ties the idea has never crossed your mind. I know it has. STOP LYING.) We need to get these people some heat, stat. To be fair, they can still scheme with the best of them, and their plan to split up Carter and Serena was well thought out and well executed. (Fake room service charges and a fake one night stand? Well played.) I bet the scheming got them both really hot and bothered. Why couldn't they have shown us some of that? Speaking of Carter and Serena, here's what I think: they fucking suck. Why Serena continually goes after inaccessible or damaged men is beyond me. Oh wait, it's not, because in case you've been living under a rock for the last three episodes, Serena's daddy didn't love her. So she needs attention and excitement. Yeah, I really don't care. Ughh. I'm not even going to talk about the lack of boobs this week, I'm too depressed. (Side note: I was looking at the traffic sources for this blog, and one hit came from a gentleman who was searching Google for "Serena's boobs." Yeah, I feel justified, whatever.)

Please Don't Tell Me That's The Last We Saw of Georgina. Please? So I thought things were getting good when Blair walked in on Dan and Georgina. I thought things were getting better when Serena gave Dan her blessing to be with Georgina. And I thought things were getting ridiculously better when Dan tried to have the "Let's keep things casual talk." Yeah, it seemed like Georgina had him duped and was just keeping him warm until it was time to use him as her sacrifice to the god who comes. Until the show went and fucked it all up. Apparently Georgina was behind Blair and Chuck's fight over the photograph they were bidding on at the BIG EVENT OF THE WEEK, so in retaliation Serena told Dan about it, and Dan told Georgie they should cool things off. And what does Georgina do? FUCKING PACK HER BAG AND GO TO BOSTON. WHAT THE FUCK? THE DESKTOP OF HER COMPUTER WAS A PICTURE OF HER AND DAN. SHE'S SUPPOSED TO GOT FATAL ATTRACTION CRAZY ON HIM. NOT FUCKING GO OFF TO BOSTON WITH THE CREEPER. Fuck. No. I'm pretty sure Georgina's not even in next week's episode. Fuck that.

One Bright Spot. Apparently Carter did something to really fuck over Bre Buckley (you know Nate's new girlfriend. Oh you don't remember who Nate is? Because he's been onscreen for like 5 minutes total? Oh that's too bad.) Now this is the kind of intrigue I've been waiting to see play out.

As is my custom, here are your quotes. Don't be mad at me if they're not as good as last week's. Blame the show:

"I'm wearing a glove and I still want to wash my hands."--Blair, realizing that sock she pulled off the door was the signal that Dan and Georgina were going at it. Yeah.

"Dont think you can run me out of my room with a half naked Dan Humphrey." "Stay, watch, maybe you'll learn something."--Blair and Georgina. I already miss Georgina.

"If you want do Georgina, then more power to you. Just make sure there isn't an ice pick under the bed."--Serena to Dan. Ah, Basic Instinct references.

"I have an MBA from Tuck, I'm not the coat check girl."--Brunette girl. She's lucky, in this economy she might be.

"If you have any feelings for me, you won't say anything yet."--Creepy Scott to Vanessa. Dude, the only thing she has feelings for is being a busybody.

"Pity, I already have my bidding paddle." "Well, I'm sure we can find some other use for it."--Blair and Chuck. Eww and AWESOME all at the same time.

"She stole my shoes."--Chuck about Blair. Yes, it's as ridiculous as it sounds.

"I want you to have this." "Why?" "Because I love you, you enormously stubborn pain in the ass."--Blair and Chuck about the picture. Vomiting now.

"Georgie and I go way back. The girl has an MBA in deviant behavior." --Brunette Girl

"How can you be so sure?" "Because you beleive in me."--Blair and Chuck. Oh wait, NOW I'm vomiting.

I didn't care for tonight's episode. Did you?

Now, there's something I need to tell all of you before I let you go, because you're going to need the full week to prepare yourselves. Tyra Banks will be guest starring on next week's episode. Yes, that's right. You heard me. THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US. SHE IS COMING. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. SAVE YOURSELVES.

How I Met Your Mother: Deja Vu All Over Again

2009-09-28T20:00:00.004-04:00

Monday, Monday, and time for my Monday routine: How I Met Your Mother. HAPPY! Tonight's episode was, like last week's, a solid, not stellar effort, but enjoyable nonetheless. The theme tonight was repetition, whether that be, say, repeating a blind date with the same person, or, say, finding your doppelganger (a repeat of you). (Like what I did there?) There were three good things about tonight's episode, and one so-so thing. Let's start with the good:

Stripper Lily. Did you really expect me to start with something else? If you did, well, you're a fool. Lily has a doppelganger who is stripper named Jasmine. Can we say AWESOME AND HILARIOUS? Yes, we can. What about the fact that they've encountered two other doppelgangers, Lesbian Robin and Mustache Marshall? EVEN FUNNIER. What about future Ted's voice over that the group would encounter the final two doppelgangers within the year? LEGENDARY. I love when the show sets up future inside jokes. (By the way, Show, I'm still waiting for the rest of the slaps.) The best thing about Stripper Lily, though, was regular Lily's unbridled excitement about her. We've always known Lily was kind of freaky-deaky, but to have the episode end with regular Lily up on stage in the stripper clothes and Stripper Lily talking to Marshall and asking for money to go shopping was priceless. Marshall, don't be too surprised if you wake up in the middle of the night and find Lily gone. She may just be acting out her fantasies. Speaking of which....
Marshall fantasy-kills Lily before he fantasizes about other women. Say it with me now: AWWWWWW. Because only Marshall and Lily could make something that bizarre seem cute. I mean, he even goes so far as to make her have a chronic illness and he observes a multi-year mourning period before he lets himself give in to the fantasy of another girl. That's love. Bizarre, bizarre love. Funny, though, very funny.
Ted going on the exact same blind date with the same girl. This is funny because (1) Ted would and (2) I like the actress that played Jen, although I cannot remember her name at the moment. Also, I loved the bit about them following their past selves around to figure out what they did wrong. Also, Ted on dates is kind of a tool. Criticizing the menu is toolish, as is the "check dance." Be a man and pay the bill, dude. And what is his deal with not calling? Actually, scratch that, I totally get that one. Avoidance is better than confrontation. (Ladies, the box of tomatoes will be on the corner of 19th and N Lynn at 7:30 am, I will be entering the office around 8, so feel free to pelt me with them whenever you get a chance.) Also, Jen's obsession with cats is kind of funny. Good thing lolcatz didn't exist in 2002, or she would have been all over that shit.

Now for what was so-so: Barney and Robin. I can believe Barney wanting to go the strip club, but I distinctly remember an episode where Robin was excited to go there too (first season I believe). I get that Barney and Robin are dating now, so things are different, but given the whole "fluglehorn" thing from last week, I'm not sure why Robin is angry. She's a little freaky-deaky too. Also, Barney repeatedly saying how awesome it was that Robin liked going to the strip club while Robin kept protesting wasn't that funny. Their whole story felt a little flat for me tonight.

As is my custom, here are your quotes:

'Take a picture." "I will, but first I'm going to make Marshall watch as I wedge Ulysses S. Grant down his wife's tatas." "I'll kill you!"--Ted, Barney, and Marshall.

"Oh I bet the guys were going so crazy. I bet they wanted to touch her so bad."--Lily, about stripper Lily.

"Was there a shower on stage? Sometimes there's a shower on stage. I bet stripper me would get in there with another girl and go CRAZY."--Lily

"Letting a guy eat pizza off your back, that's love."--Ted about the rotund couple across they way having sex. It really is, Ted.

"Bring out Stripper Lily!"--Lily

So what did you all think? Good, meh, or bad?

Grey's Anatomy, The Office, and Community Recaps: Doing These All Together to Save Myself Time

2009-09-27T21:56:00.004-04:00

So I'm only getting around to these three now (it was a busy weekend) and I don't have too much to say about each, so let's just take them in turn:

Grey's Anatomy: Really, after that episode what is there left to say? Let's use the characters own words, shall we? To tee this up, this exchange occurs after Izzie runs away from George's grave during the funeral and Alex, Meredith, and Cristina follow. Turns out, Izzie is laughing, not crying:

Izzie (still guffawing): George is dead. He's dead. They're about to put him in the ground, and the priest is doing classic rock lyrics, and that girl, that redhead, is crying harder than his mother. Cristina: You are far more twisted than I ever realized.
Izzie, to Meredith: And you got married on a Post-It!
Meredith: I got married on a Post-It, I did.
Cristina, to Izzie and Alex: And you guys got married for real?!
Izzie: And I got cancer? What?

The fact that these characters have acknowledged just how ridiculous this show has become only makes me even more angry. I get that this might be how they're coping with George's death, and I get that T.R. Knight has to leave, and I get that we need to deal with all the weird shit that's happened to move forward, but honestly, I just don't give a fuck anymore. Because Izzie's cancer has only made her more shrill and preachy (I know the red head deserved to get yelled at, but it should have come from Cristina, it would have been more believable and effective.) Because now they need to hide Ellen Pompeo behind things because of her pregnancy. Because the Chief has become a complete and utter tool. Because, because, because, ughhh I don't care.

There were some good things: Owen and Cristina's relationship (their scenes with the shrink--yay Amy Madigan!--were fantastic), Dr. Bailey going ice queen (GIVE CHANDRA WILSON AN EMMY!), the fact that Meredith and Derek seem happy, but those will do little to help reform my attachment. I may continue watching to see how this merger storyline plays out, but don't expect me to write much more about it. Ughh.

The Office: Now this was the episode we deserved last week, not that stinking piece of crap we got instead. The main plot was actually funny and really engaging (Michael fearing for his job and screwing Jim over in the process), the side plots were funny too (Pam getting RSVPs for her wedding and Dwight and Toby investigating Darryl), and it set up a great tension for the next few episodes (Michael and Jim being co-managers of the branch). Also, Dwight's reaction to the news was just priceless: I finally understand what that painting The Scream is all about.

Community: Very funny second outing. The pacing has settled down and the characters are really falling into their roles nicely. Ken Jeong has made a nice addition as the crazy Spanish teacher, and I really enjoyed Jeff and Pierce's presentation prep and subsequent disaster of a presentation. Also, how ridiculous was the protest for Guatemala? Did you catch the students protesting were chanting "We hate Guatemala?" Hilarious. This is my second favorite new show. Definitely.

FlashForward Premiere: My Vote for Best New Show of The Season

2009-09-24T19:53:00.005-04:00

Warning: Watching this show may induce headaches, heart palpitations, uncontrollable yelling, and constant repetition of the question "What the fuck is going on?" and the word "AWESOME."

There, now that you've been properly warned, let's talk about my new favorite show, FlashForward (I'm still not sure if that's the correct spelling and capitalization, so if anyone has insight there, I'd appreciate it). My reasons for ardent love are threefold:

The "WTF?!!!" premise. So you know I love LOST, right? And the whole mystery about that fucking island, right? Well, ladies and gents, we've got an even better premise here. What would happen if everyone (or almost everyone) in the world blacked out at the exact same moment? I think the show would have a lot of interesting territory to mine just answering that question (or even just dealing with the very implications of all the plane crashes and car accidents and what not), but the show takes it one very cool step further. During the blackout, each and every person saw a vision of themselves 6 months in the future (April 29, 2010 at 10 pm PST to be exact). So now the question is not only "How did this happen?" but also "Does knowledge of future events mean that we can avoid that future, or is that knowledge the thing that sets us down that path?" So basically, can we change the future? That's a pretty heady topic (and one I'm hoping LOST will answer as well this season.)
The Cast. Let me name a few. Sonya Walger (Penny from LOST), John Cho (Harold!), SETH MACFARLANE (yes that Set MacFarlane, the voice of Stewie), Joseph Fiennes, and even guest star Alex Kingston (Dr. Corday from ER!). This is a talented, talented cast, who elevates the material. Admittedly, some parts of last night's episode felt a little exposition-y, especially the scenes at the FBI HQ. But the scenes between Olivia (Sonya Walger) and Mark (Joseph Fiennes) were GOOOOOOD.
The Pop Culture homages. I'm not sure if that's the right term for it, but this show definitely understands the legacy it comes from. Apparently there was even an Oceanic Airlines poster somewhere (I'm embarassed to say I missed it.) The shot of Mark running trying to get home evoked memories of Sydney Bristow running. And of course Seth MacFarlane's voice reminded me of Brian. This show feels familiar, yet different, which is enough for me.

One thing I didn't care for: the creepy children. ("Hi Olivia," from the little boy Olivia never met, and "I dreamed there were no more good days," from Olivia's daughter.) CREEEEEPY.

I will be following this show week in and week out. Unless it starts to suck.

Cougar Town Premiere: Monica has become a Cougar

2009-09-24T19:21:00.004-04:00

COUGARS, COUGARS, COUGARS, COURTNEY COX, COUGARS. COUGARS.

So I finally watched Cougar Town, in case you couldn't tell. I successfully avoided any and all reviews today, so that I could form my own opinion, and I'm sure glad I did, because I'll be honest I like this show. I lolled (the verb form of LOL, in case you didn't know) quite a bit. Like quite a bit. Now that's not to say that this show doesn't have some problems. The pacing felt a little off, which made it hard to get a laugh in at one joke, because they were already off to the next one. Additionally, the fact that Cox's character will wind up sleeping with/dating/marrying Josh Hopkins' character was as subtle as Blake Lively's boobs at the Emmys (AWESOME). Additionally, this show requires quite a bit of suspension of reality (as do most shows, but whatever.) Some examples:

We are supposed to believe that Cox has a hard time attracting men because she is over 40. I'm sorry, but have you seen her lately? I don't care if she can pull at her elbow skin, she's HOT. Does attractiveness work differently in Florida? If so, she should consider moving up north. There's plenty of people here who would like to keep her warm at night, and also have sex with her, in case you didn't get my meaning. Also, she has posters of her boobs plastered all over town with information on how to find her. It's like shooting fish in a barrel, or at the very least a very good playbook for stalkers. Either one really.
Her friend, Laurie (played by Busy Phillips), would just drop a guy off at her house, and said guy would just go along with it. Actually, scratch that, that's totally believable. Especially if Courtney Cox is in the equation. The guy would be an idiot not to.
She would try to offer said guy snacks that she makes for her son's friends. Hilarious, but no.
They would have sex three times, and move out to the pool where she would "do that thing she always told her husband she hated but doesn't," only to have her son and ex-husband come home and find her. Unless that guy is a minute man, there's no way ALL that could have happened in the three hours her son was out with her husband.
She chases the teenage boy who been stealing her signs (which prominently feature her cleavage) all the way back to his house, where she has a heart to heart with him about how hard it is to be alone while his mother stands in the doorway. Uh, no, because that puts her on the Mary Kay LeTourneau path of cougaring, which is icky and gross.

Ultimately, for me, the success of the show will live and die with Cox's performance. I think she does a great job, although she's clearly channeling Monica in some scenes (the mannerisms, the high-pitched yells, the faces, etc.), so if you liked her on Friends you'll like her here. In general, this was a pretty effortless show to watch and I recommend it to anyone looking for a brief respite from some of the heavier shows. I'll leave you with some of my favorite quotes:

"Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to end up like Ms. Pritchard." "Nope, I don't think you're frame could handle those."--Jules and Laurie, referring to the math teacher and her fake boobs.

"And remember, if I ever catch you two drinking and drinking, I'm going to show everyone that baby picture of you two holding each other's penises....so small."--Monica. Ah, a mother's love.

"This is from that night we drunk on Amaretto and played dress up."--Jules. My first LOL

"Wow you are really black. That is so handsome on you."--Jules. NO ONE WOULD EVER SAY THAT.

"Stop having sex with babies, really."--Jules to Grayson (Josh Hopkins). Sounds very uncomfortable out of context.

"Hey you left that at the bar, bitch."--Laurie, about the boy toy.

So in conclusion, COUGARS, COUGARS, COUGARS, COURTNEY COX, COUGARS. COUGARS.

NOTE: Cougar Town Post Postponed Until Tomorrow

2009-09-24T00:13:00.002-04:00

Apologies, but my Cougar Town premiere review will be postponed until tomorrow evening. I've just returned home from a trip to Toronto and right now I have energy for nothing but sleep. Tomorrow will be post-filled now though as I'll be covering Grey's, The Office, Community, and the premiere of FlashForward as well. Goodnight!

Cougar Town Premiere: RAAAAWWWWWRRRRR

2009-09-23T05:15:00.001-04:00

Cougar Town premieres tonight at 9:30 pm on ABC. While reviews have been mixed, I'm still very excited to see this show. Here are three reasons why:

1) Double entendre about cougars in title. I love double entendres. "Cougar" refers to both the high school football team and the hot older women on the prowl for younger men. Just like.....

2) Courtney Cox. I love Courtney Cox. And she is indeed a cougar. And she played Monica on Friends for all those years, which means I will still watch most things she is in just because of that.

3) COUGARS. Cougars, cougars, cougars, cougars. Courtney Cox. Cougars. Did I mention Cougars?

Give it a shot, screw the reviewers. They hate fun and happiness anyway.

Clip of the Day: Three Days Later This Family Guy Clip is Still Funny

2009-09-23T05:00:00.001-04:00

Apparently they did these for all of the nominees. Here's the one for The Office:

Still so funny.

Gossip Girl: You're a Hot Mess and I'm Falling For You

2009-09-21T20:58:00.005-04:00

Now, this is what I'm talking about! Tonight's episode of Gossip Girl was vastly superior to last week's, and there are three reasons why: Cobra Starship, Georgina Sparks, and College. Let's start with the last one.

College time has finally arrived and our UES friends are all headed for their various selected institutions of higher learning. Dan, Vanessa (ughh), and Blair are all headed to NYU, while Serena is headed to Brown and Chuck is headed towards becoming a captain of industry, or at the very least the owner of a den of infamy (i.e., a speakeasy). Oh and Nate isn't headed anywhere, since he spends the entire episode making sexytime with his new girlfriend Bree. I'm really loving this college reset, since it's going to force the characters to grow a little bit. Except for Vanessa. She's still annoying and judgy and all up in everybody's business and loving coffee. Apparently, at NYU, Dan is the equivalent of a prom king/quarterback, because he's a writer and has writer-y hair. Blair on the hand is on the verge of becoming persona non grata. She's decided to move into the dorms and become Queen, even going so far as to distribute gift bags with headbands, but there's one little roadblock in her way: Georgina Sparks.

I am so fucking happy they brought Michelle Trachtenberg back. Georgina is the thing this show has been missing: a bat-shit crazy villain that you love, love, love to hate. She makes things interesting and fun. Also, she's a manipulative one. I cannot believe how easily Dan and Vanessa fell for her shit. Oh wait, yes I can, because Vanessa is an idiot and Dan thinks with his penis (nothing wrong with that, just calling it like it is.) Also, the fact that she used a showing of Vanessa's student film about a community garden to sabotage Blair's sushi party was fucking brilliant and priceless, because people would totally skip yummy sushi to watch a weirdo documentary in college. Not at my school, but at others perhaps. Blair got what she thought was the last laugh though when she invited a bunch of Georgina's Christian camp friends to a party on the dorm's roof. We're going to ignore that fact that NYU would never, EVER allow freshman to have a roof party with beer because that's just a recipe to have a drunk kid do something stupid, and instead focus on the OMJC T-shirts Georgina's friends were wearing. Priceless. Unfortunately, Dan Humphrey uses his newfound popularity to exile Blair and redeem Georgina. Ughh. This brings me to my third point.

I was saying to my viewing buddies before the episode started that I was really surprised that the show didn't use "Good Girls Go Bad," the Cobra Starship song featuring vocals by Leighton Meester, in the season premiere. Lo and behold, they used the fucking song tonight as background music for the party. IT WAS AWESOME. COBRA STARSHIP + GG = POP CULTURE EXPLOSION OF AWESOMENESS. This alone was enough to make me like the episode, but then the show went and did something even better: they used "Hot Mess" as background music for Serena. So now we have COBRA STARSHIP + GG + IRONIC USE OF BACKGROUND MUSIC = MY HEAD FUCKING EXPLODING. Seriously, ironic use of background music will always win you points in my book. And indeed, Serena has gone a little hot mess, boobs and all. She decided she wasn't going to go to Brown, but also ecided not to tell Rufus or Lily and instead go stay with Chuck. Chuck, who's actually become a functioning human being, obliges, but tells her not to ruin his business meeting that evening. She does. He calls her on it and on being a hot mess. She goes Super Hot Mess (and I'm loving it, hell yes) and decides to call Carter Baizen, her shirtless horseman from last week, to help her embarrass Chuck some more, as Gabe Saporta continues to sing in the background about how she was a problem child whose been grounded her whole life and is now running wild. (Ok, so they only used the song during this one scene, but whatever it's still great.) Chuck takes the high road, which makes Serena feel bad, and Carter calls her out for using him, which made her feel worse. I did not know the Boobs' owner had emotions. Passing strange this is. Continuing on, Serena talks to Rufus, whom Chuck had informed about her decision not to go to Brown earlier, and Rufus supports her and basically offers to be the Daddy she never had, if she'll let him. Serena goes ape shit over this and immediately asks for a pony and a My Super Sweet Sixteen. She then also goes to apologize to Carter since he's the only who "gets her" and was "there for her," or some other lame bullshit like that which teenagers love to spout. Ughh.

The episode ends with Blair crawling into Chuck's bed to cuddle ("Are you ok?" she asks. "I am now," he says. I vomit a little.), while Dan wakes up on the roof after having spent the night cuddling and probably more with Georgina. This shit is going to blow up in his face faster than you can say "Nelly Yuki." Oh and also, the creepy stepbrother crept around creepily and that's all I'm saying about that for now because you know they're not going to do anything with him until Lily gets back, which at this rate will be never.

Here's the best of the quotes:

"Let's make it clear from the start, we don't know each other here."--Blair to Dan and Vanessa.

"Rah, rah, zis boom ba, Georgina's pulled a coup d'etat."--Gossip Girl. This might be the best thing she's ever said. Seriously.

"I still hold him in my heart, but Jesus and I have redefined our relationship."--Georgina. Yeah, she's kicked him out to make more room for her crazy.

"Look sis, for people like us, a college degree is just an accessory, like a Malawian baby or a poodle."--Chuck to Serena and the Boobs. So true though.

"He reports to a board, Serena, and boards tend not to approve of coat check girls who give happy endings."--Chuck. He might if you let him check his coat for free, Chuck. Just an idea.

"This paranoia has got to stop Blair."--Georgina. I thought Blair's head might explode.

"Forget the four horsemen, the real evidence the world is coming to an end? Blair Waldorf needing Dan Humphrey to rescue her."--Gossip Girl. Yup.

"No headbands in college."--Dan to Blair. HAHAHAHAHA.

"Am I really drunk, or did I just see you walk in with Blair?"--Georgina

"What do you need my pants for?" "Because I want to see what's in them."--Nate and Bre. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

"Serena, what's your deal? Are you acting out because Daddy didn't love you."--Carter. Uh, yeah Carter, she is. Did you not see last week's episode?

"I don't need these losers to like me. Fear works better."--Blair. I'm thinking Blair subscribes to the Patty Hewes School of Life.

"There's a reason we never went downtown. As soon as you cross 14th Street people forget that there's a class system."--Blair

So to recap, Cobra Starship makes any TV show better. Check back next week when shit really starts to hit the fan.

How I Met Your Mother Premiere: I'm Not Into Labels, But It Was AWESOME

2009-09-21T19:58:00.004-04:00

Ladies and Gentleman, THIS is what good television looks like. How I Met Your Mother might be the most consistently wonderful show on television. Tonight's premiere was more solid-stellar than just completely stellar, but it certainly, certainly, CERTAINLY started the night off on the right foot. Now before I get into specifics, there is one thing I want to say. I had the pleasure of watching tonight's episode with three lovely ladies and within 5 seconds of Lily appearing on screen, they all commented on the size of Lily's boobs. Now, while I'm normally the one to point out such things, I think it's hilarious that they all did before I even said a word. Thanks, girls, thanks.

Now, as for the episode, tonight's theme was definitions: Ted had to define what kind of professor he was going to be, and Robin and Barney had to define their relationship. Lesson from tonight's episode? Defining things is funny. Watching Barney and Robin try to have "the talk" and only succeed at having sex is funny. Watching Ted make a fool of himself in front of a class full of economics majors was funny. ("No questions!" "Call me Ted. Professor Mosby. T-Dog. Don't call me T-Dog.") But most of all, watching Marshall crack a whip and scream "Not good enough!" was really funny. (Context there: As a gift for Ted's first day of class, Marshall gave Ted a gift that reminds him of Marshall's favorite professor. The gift? A whip and and a fedora, because Marshall's favorite professor is Indiana Jones. Of course it is. Ted's response? "God, you just get me." Love him, love these two, LOVE THIS SHOW.)

Now, for Barney's life wisdom. Tonight's topic: How to make sure a girl doesn't become your girlfriend. Apparently, girls are like Gremlins, so you just need to follow the three rules that prevent Gremlins from going crazy or whatever:

1. Never get them wet. (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. Come on really, did you think I was just going to let that one pass by?)
2. Keep them away from sunlight. (Because girls are like vampires too, obviously. Not.)
3. Never feed them after midnight. (Now that's just mean.)

Also, Barney's wisdom was delivered while wearing a tuxedo, which makes it infinitely more credible. Infin-wait for it because I don't you think you can guess how this will end-itely.

The episode culminates in Lily locking Robin and Barney into Robin's bedroom to force them to have the talk, while Marshall screams and wafts the smell of bacon under the door. Yes, that's what he did, and it is a very brilliant thing to do. Well played, Marshall, I didn't think you had it in you. Robin and Barney ultimately decide that they will just lie to Lily and tell her that they are boyfriend and girlfriend, but as Lily so aptly puts it at the very end of the episode, they're only lying to themselves. I'm really hoping that Barney and Robin are headed down the Chandler and Monica path of sitcom relationships, because I love seeing them together and I know hilarity will ensue.

Now one final note, that I want to make sure you all caught: Ted made a point of telling us that The-Mother-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was in his first class, but that was the Economics class, not his Architecture class. Therefore The Mother is an Econ student. Additionally, she was taking Econ 305, which either makes her a child prodigy or at least an upperclassmen. (Unfortunately, Econ 305 is not a real a class at Columbia so I'm not sure if it's grad level or undergrad. Yes, I checked, and no that doesn't make me a loser, and yes, if you really think it does then you can go fuck yourself. So there.) This means The Mother will remain in the offing for a while, because it is unlikely that they will cross paths again soon. Still, it's nice to know she's around.

Now, as is my custom, I will leave you with some quotes:

"I told you, use your indoor Woo!"--Marshall to Lily. For those of you that don't remember, WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

"God, you just get me."--Ted to Marshall

"Just once I wish you guys would call me on Tuxedo Night."--Marshall. Awwwwww.

"I'll punch a baby, I don't care."--Barney

'Look we've been over this, unless I say 'fluglehorn,' you haven't gone too far."--Robin to Barney. I'll never say fluglehorn, Robin, I promise.

"Not good enough!"--Marshall

I'm so happy it's back!

How I Met Your Mother Premiere: Cannot Wait!

2009-09-21T07:00:00.003-04:00

How I Met Your Mother returns this evening. Can I get a HELL YEAH? HELL. YEAH. For those of you, like me, who won't be able to make it until this evening without a small HIMYM fix, I give you this clip from this evening's premiere:

Anyone up for a tuxedo night? Check back this evening for a full recap of what I'm expecting to be a great season premiere.

Emmy Post-Mortem: Well That Was a Weird Show Wasn't It?

2009-09-20T23:05:00.004-04:00

So the Emmys are over. I have to say that was one of the more entertaining Emmy telecasts I've seen in a while. Also, my predictions were way, way off. I was 4 for 10 for the major categories, but to be fair, some of those acting wins were total "WTF?"s, so I don't feel too bad. Plus, one of my "should win"s did win, which makes me feel nice. Let's look at each race in turn.

Supporting Actress, Comedy: I called Jane Krakowski as my should and will win, and alas, she did not. Kristen Chenoweth from Pushing Daisies took home the award and she could not have been a more gracious winner, so I really can't complain. Also, that funny glasses bit with all the nominees was a hoot.

Supporting Actor, Comedy: I called Neil Patrick Harris as my should and will win, and he didn't. Jon Cryer from Two and a Half Men did. I know what you're thinking. You're asking yourself, "Wait, I thought he was just kidding about the Two and a Half Men guys having a deal with the devil? He is kidding right?" Damned if I know. All I do know is that I hate Two and a Half Men and I cannot understand the Academy's interest in it when in almost all other categories its tastes skew more highbrow. NPH was robbed. ROBBED.

Lead Actres, Comedy: I called Tina Fey as my should and will win, but she didn't. Nope, Toni Colette took home the trophy, which would be surprising except for one little fact: Colette plays a character with multiple personality disorder, and awards shows go ape shit for the kind of stuff. The only thing more effective is when pretty actresses make themselves "ugly" for a role (i.e., gain weight, wear prosthetics). So congratulations Toni, but Tina, you're still my girl.

Lead Actor, Comedy: Alec Baldwin was my should and will win, and he DID. Woo hoo! Well deserved, Alec.

Comedy Series: How I Met Your Mother was my should win, 30 Rock was my will win, and 30 Rock did win. I wasn't surprised, but there was a small part of me that thought the Mother upset might happen. Perhaps now that the show is on the Academy's radar, next year it might be able to do it.

Supporting Actress, Drama: Chandra Wilson was my should win, I had no idea as to who would win, but Cherry Jones did win. She's great, I'm sure it's well deserved, but can we give Chandra Wilson an award one of these days, please?

Supporting Actor, Drama: Michael Emerson was my should win, William Hurt was my will win, but in the end Emerson did indeed win. Can I get a woo hoo? Dude deserved it. He has created one of the most terrible and complex television villains in Benjamin Linus. He seemed a little subdued during his acceptance speech, though, so I hope he's perked up so he can enjoy his night.

Lead Actress, Drama: Glenn Close was my should and will win, and she did win. Was anyone surprised? She's fantastic. I know some of you out there were pulling for Moss, and I'm sure she'll get hers one day, when Glenn Close isn't nominated. I love that Close called Patty Hewes the "role of a lifetime" because given some of the memorable characters she's played over the years, that's saying something. (I still have nightmares about her sitting in the corner turning the lightswitch off and on.)

Lead Actor, Drama: Jon Hamm was my should and will win, but Bryan Cranston did win. I've got to start watching Breaking Bad to see what this guy is all about, because winning back to back awards in this day and age is very difficult to do. Kudos.

Drama Series: LOST was my should win, Mad Men was my will win, and Mad Men did win. Again, not shocked, but hoping that the Academy gave the award to Mad Men this year so that they could honor LOST's final season next year. Please?

Also, NPH was fantastic as host, and a tremendous improvement over the 5-host tag team from least year, and it was nice to hear Jeff Probst, who was part of that fiasco, say so. I also really liked the format change of doing all of the comedy awards together, all of the miniseries awards together, etc. because (1) it made easier to see how dominant some shows are (i.e., Mad Men, 30 Rock) and (2) it let me switch over and watch the Giants game while they handed out awards in categories I didn't care about.

All in all, it was a pretty satisfying and entertaining evening, even though I was wrong most of the time.

Check back tomorrow for a review of the How I Met Your Mother premiere.

Emmy Breakdown: Outstanding Drama Series, or a Mad Men Redux

2009-09-20T16:59:00.003-04:00

Hello all! I hope you've had good weekends. The Emmys are just a few short hours away, and with that it's time to a take look at the last major category: Outstanding Drama Series. The nominees are:

Big Love
Breaking Bad
Damages
Dexter
House
Lost
Mad Men

This is the fourth nomination for House, the third for Lost (one win), the second for Damages, Dexter, and Mad Men (one win), and the first for Big Love and Breaking Bad. I'm going to make this post a quick one, so first time nominees, thanks for playing, and I hope you've enjoyed the attention you've gotten, since you're probably not winning. Same goes for Dexter and House. Damages, if you're second season had been as good as your first, you might have a shot, but it wasn't, so you don't. That leaves Lost and Mad Men as viable contenders. The shows have differing strengths: Lost blends mind-blowing plot twists with the strength of its ensemble cast, while Mad Men's lush cinematography lets its characters deliver subdued yet powerful performances. Who you think should win this category depends on whether you prefer your TV with a side of whizz-bang-boom-OMFG-did-that-just-happen? or with a dose of thought provocation. I like both, but I think that Mad Men's second season got a little confusing toward the end, whereas Lost's fifth finished super, super strongly (Even four months later, WTF JULIET??!!!). So, for me......

Who should win: Lost
Who will win: Mad Men

Check back later this evening for a recap of the awards, or follow me on Twitter (http://twitter.com/dvrrulesmylife) as I share my thoughts and reactions in real time.

Emmy Breakdown: Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series, or Why Glenn Close Strikes Fear in the Hearts of Actresses Everywhere

2009-09-18T21:49:00.004-04:00

The big show is just two short days away. And with that, I'm going to address the last of the major acting categories, Lead Actress in a Drama. I think it's very hard for a category to have the same set of nominees (plus one new one) and get even more competitive in a year's time, but that's exactly what happened here. The nominees are:

Glenn Close as Patty Hewes, Damages
Sally Field as Nora Walker, Brothers & Sisters
Mariska Hargitay as Detective Olivia Benson, Law & Order: SVU
Holly Hunter as Grace Hanadarko, Saving Grace
Elisabeth Moss as Peggy Olson, Mad Men
Kyra Sedgwick as Brenda Johnson, The Closer

This is the sixth nomination for Hargitay (one win), fourth for Sedgwick, third nomination for Field (one win), second for Hunter and Close (Close won last year and was previously nominated for her work on The Shield), and the first nomination for Moss. I think it's fair to say that this category is stacked with talent. I mean, The Closer, Damages, and Saving Grace wouldn't really exist without their lead actresses, and while I love the rest of the Walkers, Sally Field brings a special brand of old-lady crazy to her role without making the character completely unlikable, and I couldn't imagine that show without her. I'm not the biggest procedural fan, but I think Hargitay does good work on SVU. She's didn't get 6 consecutive nominations for nothing. Moss is a very welcome addition to this category, because her performance as Peggy is completely captivating and one of the two main reasons I watch the show (the other being the inscrutable Don Draper).

So, given the immense wealth of talent here, who's going to win? Hargitay went through some tense contract negotiations, and while I'm not sure how that will affect her chances, she's not on my short list to win either. I don't watch Saving Grace or The Closer, so I can't comment on their performances, although after four nominations, Sedgwick should get something. Field is Field, but I didn't care for the goings on over on B&S this season, so I'm not liking her chances. That leaves us with Close and Moss, the great dame and the ingenue, the lion and the lamb. The contrast between these two is stark. Glenn Close is a powerful actress. Every look, every grimace, every slight move is always loaded with meaning. I've said this before and I'll say it again, Glenn Close giving her death stare directly to the camera for an hour so without moving or speaking would make one of the greatest horror movies of all time. Let's contrast that with Moss's sweet, naive Peggy, who's just trying to make her way in the world with a few ideas and a lot of gumption. Moss' performance is much more subdued, but no less wonderful. That being said, I think the real difference here is that Close elevates the material given to her versus Moss being elevated by the material given to her. Plus, really who's not going to give Glenn Close an award? Lady is scary. So......

Who Should Win: Glenn Close
Who Will Win: Glenn Close (Unless Moss or Sedgwick manage to steal it away)

Check back tomorrow for a look at the Best Drama race.

Community Season Premiere: A Bajillion Thumbs Up

2009-09-17T21:30:00.004-04:00

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, we have a winner here folks! Community was, in a word, fucking fantastic. It is funny and irreverent and smart. Finally, finally, Joel McHale will get the broader audience he deserves. Now, if you're a frequent reader of this space, you may know that I think Joel McHale and The Soup, his show on E!, are two of the funniest things in creation. The awesome, awesome, awesomely awesome thing here is that he brings his rapid fire, joke-a-minute, lots-of-pop-culture-references style to this show with very promising results.

Here, McHale plays Jeff, a lawyer who must return to community college to get the degree he lied about so that he won't get disbarred. Early on, Jeff sets his sights on Britta (a woman, not the water pitcher), but she's not interested in anything but the Spanish test tomorrow they have the next day. He, of course, tells her that he is a certified Spanish tutor, even though he can barely string together a coherent sentence in Spanish. (He does know lots of Spanish words though). He offers to tutor her one-on-one, but eventually winds up with a large study group comprised of the most motley crew I've seen in a while: Chevy Chase playing a creepy hippy (I think), a sassy black lady, a token Indian/Middle Eastern guy with Asperger's (I think), a former high school jock, and Trudy Campbell from Mad Men. Not gonna lie, I practically JIMPed when I realized it was her. I love when my pop culture loves cross paths. It's like fireworks! (I sound crazy. Yeah.)

Moving along, Jeff decides to derail the study session in the interests of taking Britta to dinner and getting in her pants (her words, not mine), so he gets everyone to fight with each other, which is pretty amazing. Britta forces him to make everyone make up, which he does, before she kicks him out of the study group, only to allow him back in at the end of the episode when these fools all realize that they need each other. There were also a ton of references to them being like The Breakfast Club, which is kind of true and kind of not (and I know that caused others out there to JIMP as well).

I haven't even addressed the hilarious British fellow who plays Jeff's professor friend, but there will be many, many more weeks for that, because I'm hoping this show will be around for a while and I'm planning on doing everything in my power to make it happen. I will leave you with some of my favorite quotes from the episode:

"Are you familiar with the adage 'Cheaters never prosper?" "No and if I wanted to learn something, I wouldn't have come to community college." --Professor Duncan and Jeff. Oh snap.

"I'm sorry, I was raised on TV and I've been conditioned to believe that every black woman over 50 is a cosmic mentor."--Joel McHale to the black lady. Not only is this a universal truth, but this is also the EXACT MOMENT I FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS SHOW.

"Being younger doesn't make me any stupider. Given your age, you must have made bad life decisions."--Trudy Campbell, I mean Annie, to Shirley

"You are all better than you think you are, you are just aren't designed to believe it."--Jeff, in an uplifitng speech full of other jokes that I didn't catch.

"Asperger's, hehe." "It's a serious disorder." "If it's so serious, why didn't they call it meningitis."--Troy, Trudy Campell, and Chevy Chase. I will not refer to Chevy Chase's character's name, because I doubt I will be able to remember it, and it's just so much easier to call him Chevy Chase.

So, what did you all think? Mind you, answers other than "THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME" will not be accepted. I'm kind of hoping that McHale can find some way to incorporate his greatest Soup moments into the show somehow. I'd love him to randomly pull out the Whitney Houston "Kiss My Ass!" clip or the one of Tyra's fat ass. Yeah, that would be great.

Check back tomorrow for my overview of the Lead Actress - Drama category (Glenn Close is watching you, so you better pick her or else.)

The Office Premiere: Is This What We Were Waiting For All Summer?

2009-09-17T21:01:00.004-04:00

Oh The Office, what happened to you? You used to be funny, you used to be smart, now you just make me sad. As you may be able to tell, I didn't really care for this evening's premiere. It started out just fine with the parkour cold open, but then Michael just had to go and act like Michael. Seriously, in my notes I wrote down "Uh oh, Michael is going to be annoying tonight." Seriously, the dude's sad life was funny like two years ago, now it's just painful and pathetic. His little fits and tantrums are no longer acceptable. I prefer quirky-weird Michael (like when he was trying to court Holly) not bat-shit-weird Michael (like tonight). And also, Michael spreading around that Stanley is cheating on his wife doesn't really jive with his supposed love for his staff. It just felt weird and annoying.

The only good thing to come out of Michael's antics was the fake rumors he spread around, because they really put everyone on edge. Kelly was "anorexatic," Andy was gay, Angela was dating an 81 year old billionaire, and Pam was pregnant. We all know that last one is true, but the rest of the office didn't. It was funny to watch them run back and forth and spread the gossip, especially Andy seeking out advice from Oscar and Jim because he wasn't sure whether he was gay or not. After seeing him in The Hangover, I realized that Ed Helms is way too good for this show. Someone give him better material, please.

The episode culminated in a goodbye party for the interns (yes, someone thought it would be a good idea to let Michael Scott have interns for some ungodly reason), where things came to head, mostly because Angela said this to Pam:

"You know a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a bastard."

Um, AMAZING. Like "I will think about this at some point tomorrow and chuckle to myself and people will look at me and wonder 'What does that guy think is so funny?' " amazing. Eventually everyone figured out that Michael perpetuated the rumors, and he admitted that they were all lies except one. Just as he was about to tell the truth about Stanley for some mind-boggling reason, Jim and Pam stepped up and said that the true one was that Pam was pregnant. Michael, still acting like the complete fucking tool he is, accused them of lying and told everyone about Stanley's affair. Jim then went to get a sonagram picture to prove he was telling the truth. Michael's response?

"Pam, look at that, that is the inside of your vagina."

Yeah. We move to Jim and Pam in Michael's office getting lectured by him for not making him a third party to every single thing that happens in their relationship. He is interrupted by a call from Stanley's wife, yes, Stanley's wife, whom he called earlier. Do you know what Michael does? He calls her by Stanley's lover's name. Yeah. The episode ends with Stanley taking a golf club to Michael's car (GO STANLEY, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, YOU BEAT THAT CAR UP LIKE IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, YOU HIT THAT WINDSHIELD LIKE IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK IT'S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY. I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from.) We also get a parting shot of Jim taking the sonogram and taping it onto a picture frame he has on his desk. Say it with me now: AWWWWWW. Jim and Pam will be the only reason I continue to watch this show I think. At least in the near term, because I am far too annoyed with Michael. Please, someone tell me if I'm being overly harsh, because I can't tell. I am not looking forward to next week. Two thumbs down.

Emmy Breakdown: Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series, or Battle of the AMC Stars

2009-09-17T11:15:00.002-04:00

Good morning, good morning, everyone. Another day, another Emmy race I'm having difficulty calling. Let's take a look at the nominees shall we?

Simon Baker as Patrick Jane, The Mentalist
Gabriel Byrne as Dr. Paul Weston, In Treatment
Bryan Cranston as Walt White, Breaking Bad
Michael C. Hall as Dexter Morgan, Dexter
Jon Hamm as Don Draper, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie as Dr. Gregory House, House

This is the fourth nomination for Laurie, the first nomination for Baker, and the second for the rest, making this essentially the exact same race from last year. I'm unfamiliar with In Treatment and Breaking Bad, which is my bad because I've heard both shows are wonderful. I've only just started watching Dexter (I'm midway through Season 1), but I think the show is fantastic, so I can only hope that quality has stayed up through its third season. Baker's nomination is the most surprising to me: while I like The Mentalist quite a bit (as do most folks--it was the highest rated new show last year), Baker's performance is a little slick for my taste, although I'm guessing the character's backstory is what got him here. Laurie is a perpetual nominee, and his "I'm going crazy" storyline last year might be enough to push him over the edge, but I'm doubtful. As for Hamm, I thought he was a lock last year given the critical swoons for Mad Men, but I was wrong then, so I may be wrong now. He deserves it, though. Two and half seasons in and I still think Don Draper is completely inscrutable, which is the thing that keeps me coming back week after week. (Well, that and Peggy.) So....

Who Should Win: Jon Hamm

Who Will Win: Damned if I know, but I'm guessing Hamm

Check back this evening for a recap of tonight's The Office premiere.

Emmy Breakdown: Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama

2009-09-16T21:42:00.003-04:00

So it took me a while to get to this post, and I'm wondering now if it's because subconsciously this is the race I care least about. I think it might be. Let's dive in, shall we? And the nominees are:

Rose Byrne as Ellen Parsons, Damages
Hope Davis as Mia, In Treatment
Cherry Jones as President Allison Taylor, 24
Sandra Oh as Dr. Cristina Yang, Grey's Anatomy
Dianne Wiest as Dr. Gina Toll, In Treatment
Chandra Wilson as Dr. Miranda Bailey, Grey's Anatomy

This is the 5th nomination for Oh, the 4th nomination for Wilson, and the first nomination for the rest in their current roles. So I'm going to be honest here, I don't watch 24 or In Treatment so I'm not going to be able to comment on the performances of those actresses. I remember Davis briefly from Six Degrees and thought she was fine. I saw Cherry Jones play Sr. Aloysius in Doubt (which she won a Tony for, BTW), so I know she can act. And as for Wiest, I always remember her as the evil Queen from the NBC miniseries The 10th Kingdom, so it's hard for me to take her seriously, although I know she's a wonderful actress.

Now as for the other three, we all know I fucking love Damages, but the only reason Byrne is nominated is because the Glenn Close-halo effect forced her up her game as an actress, which is good, but she's not quite all the way there yet. I love, love her though and think she has great potential for next year. Now as for the Grey's ladies, some of are you are not going to agree with what I have to say, and others are going to be in utter disbelief given some comments I made about a certain plot line in the past, but, in all honestly, if anyone from Grey's deserves to win this year, it's Katherine Heigl. I know she's not nominated, but she sold the crap out of a storyline that went from ludicrous to heart wrenching and ludicrous, and was totally deserving of recognition, regardless of how people feel about her personality and comments she's made about the running of the show. Putting that opinion aside, Oh's storyline this season left me a little cold (aside from the episode where she dealt with being choked by Dr. Major Hunt), while Wilson's was also heart wrenching albeit in a different way. Watching her deal with the demise of her marriage was the most realistic plot on an increasingly absurd show, and Chandra Wilson really does deserve an award after all these years for creating a very complex character who I unequivocally love. So....

Who Should Win: Chandra Wilson
Who Will Win: Damned if I know

Check back tomorrow for my take on the Lead Actor - Drama race.

Thing That Made Die Inside: Sept 15

2009-09-15T23:39:00.002-04:00

Jay Leno's new nightly talk show brings in over 17 million viewers on its premiere night. That's way higher than most new scripted shows have bowed in a long time, and I think it's one of the highest rated entertainment programs NBC has had in a while. Ughhh.

Gossip Girl Season Premiere: How Serena's Boobs Spent Their Summer

2009-09-14T21:00:00.004-04:00

Finally we've gotten the answer to the question we've all been wondering about all summer: Where did Serena's boobs go when they got into the limo with Carter Baizen at the end of last season? Well according the photos, the boobs have been everywhere. They've been to Europe, they've been to Asia, they've been to see Cristiano Ronaldo, and now they're back home in NY, where they're being prominently displayed for all the world to see. They're even being used as a ploy to help the rest of Serena escape from Carter. I kid you not, the rest of Serena willingly undid her dress to try to put the boobs on display, while Serena's voice shouted "Oh no!" in a very fake way to try to get the attention of some cameramen. If this were another network, say HBO, I think we would have all died and gone to heaven, because we would have gotten to see the boobs. Oh well. Later, at a polo match, Serena wore a dress which accentuated the boobs' tan and threw around balls (which Rufus says will make her mother proud. Oh I'll bet it will, like mother like daughter after all, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.) Then Serena jumped on horse and rode away, which made the boobs dance. Life is good for the boobs. Now for the rest of Serena, things aren't going so great. She spent the summer getting her picture taken everywhere possible to try to get the attention of her apparently-on-the-run father, who we will simply call Mr. Van der Woodsen, but apparently Papa VDW didn't want to see her. Now Serena's got a big case of the "Daddy didn't love me"s, so she's still desperately trying to get his attention. And she's "making out" with Carter. Yeah. Boobs.

Meanwhile, Chuck and Blair are playing some kind of game which ends in Blair belittling and innocent girl and them having hot, angry sex, or so I assume. (Note: I spent a fair bit of time trying to come up with an appropriate pop culture reference for Chuck and Blair's antics, so prize to the person who comes up with one.) S plants seeds of doubt in B's head about whether or not this arrangement is sustainable, so B spends the rest of the hour being suspicious of Chuck, especially when he says he's fine with stopping their fun. Accordingly, I spend the rest of the hour being alternately bored and nauseated by their cutesy interactions. Honestly, they need to get a spark or else watching them interact is quickly going to feel like watching paint dry. Please give them a long-term enemy to scheme against, ASAP.

Dan and Jenny have quickly taken to living on the UES. Dan now has a fancy-pants wallet to hold his hundred dollar bills ("They're impossible to break," he whined. Ughh. Hate him, and his "I'm an English major, it's supposed to look unkempt" hair.) Little J is still trying to recover from Mullet-gate '08, but it doesn't look like she's made much progress, so instead she's spent her summer stalking the Barefoot Contessa. (Poor Ina, she deserves better.) While Lily is out of town tending to her sick mother (or having her estranged husband's baby, depending on which newspapers you read), Rufus is doing the best he can to take care of the children, which on this show is about as easy as herding cats. Once you've think you've got them all squared away, Serena's boobs just decide to pop out of her dress. Anyway, Rufus is none too pleased with the boobs' escapades, but after she promises him there is a point to her behavior, he lets it slide. It's nice to see him backing away from his stringent-to-a-fault parenting tactics from last season. Either that or he got distracted by the boobs while scolding Serena. Take your pick.

Vanessa is, unfortunately, still Vanessa: a busy-body with no purpose except to drink coffee, make other people feel bad about not being poor, and wear weird clothes that make her look like Pocahontas (thank you for that one, Laura. Just go rewatch the polo match to see what I'm talking about.) In addition, Vanessa is now dating Lilfus' LOVECHILD, which is creepy, since he's only using her to get closer to his bio-parents. I'm really hoping that one day, Vanessa is just going to snap and go completely bat shit on everyone, because until then she will be absolutely boring, not to mention painfully annoying, to watch.

As for Nate, he's playing out his own private version of Romeo and Juliet with the daughter of a rival political family (played by the very beautiful Joanna Garcia.) I cannot figure out yet whether he is the Montague or the Capulet in this story. I'd love your opinions.

And so to summarize: Serena's boobs = GOOD, Chuck and Blair = BAD, The Humphreys movin' on up to the East Side = GOOD (for them), Vanessa still existing = BAD, Nate's love story = PROMISING, Lily's disappearance = SILLY.

For me, this season is really going to hinge on two the things: the boobs. Based on tonight's episode, I'd say we're off to a good start. ;)

As is my custom, I will leave you with some quotes:

"Ok, you're crazy."--Blond slut from the beginning of the episode to Blair. That's the understatement of the year.

"You're missing the key detail: sleeping with the enemy is hot."-Chuck Bass to Nate. Truer words were never spoken.

"I know what you did this summer, and who. Cristiano Reynaldo."--B to S and the boobs. Soccer players are a step up for S, no?

"I see the cat's out of the bag." "And topless on Valentino's yacht."--Dan and Rufus, about pictures of the boobs, and Serena, but mostly the boobs.

"Chuck, none of these girls are even worth humiliating, looking in the mirror will do that for them." --B about some models. There's my girl!

Oh, one more thing: BOOBS. Good night!

Emmy Breakdown: Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama

2009-09-14T09:21:00.002-04:00

Our Emmy countdown is down to just 6 days. Today we'll take a look at the Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series race. The nominees are:

Christian Clemenson as Jerry "Hands" Espenson, Boston Legal
Michael Emerson as Benjamin Linus, Lost
William Hurt as Daniel Purcell, Damages
Aaron Paul as Jesse Pinkman, Breaking Bad
William Shatner as Denny Crane, Boston Legal
John Slattery as Roger Sterling, Mad Men

This is the 5th nomination for Shatner (he won in 2005), the 3rd for Emerson, the 2nd for Slattery, and the 1st for Clemenson, Hurt, and Paul. (Clemenson won a Guest Actor award in 2007 for the role).

So right off the bat, I'm writing off the Boston Legal nominees. I've never cared for this show, and I don't understand the Academy's fascination with it when there are far superior shows and actors they continually overlook (cough, Friday Night Lights, cough). As the show was cancelled at the end of last season, I view the nominations as its final sendoff, although I wouldn't be completely surprised if Shatner somehow pulled off the win. That man is a legend (and I mean that both seriously and mockingly, but mostly seriously). I've heard wonderful things about Paul on Breaking Bad (although I don't watch the show), and given Bryan Cranston's win last year in the Lead Actor race, I'd say Paul has a shot at winning, but he'll have to get past the big dogs of Emerson, Hurt, and Slattery first. Slattery was more interesting during Mad Men's second season than he was during its first, which works in his favor. The fact that Roger Sterling doesn't seem to be a fairly complicated man does not. Hurt as Purcell was frigging fantastic, but then again he had Glenn Close to play off of most of the time, and that woman elevates the acting in every scene she's in, so he's got a bit of an unfair advantage. Emerson as Linus was creepy as always, and he deserves to be recognized at some point, but if the Academy hasn't recognized him in the past, I'm not sure this is the year they will do it. So.....

Who should win: Michael Emerson, because if he doesn't get a trophy one of these days he's going to steal someone else's child

Who will win: William Hurt, because big name actor + critically acclaimed show + Glenn Close = win.

Check back tomorrow for a look at the Supporting Actress - Drama race, as a well a recap of the Gossip Girl season premiere (I hear the boobs are back in nice form).

Thing That Made Die Inside: Sept 13

2009-09-13T23:37:00.002-04:00

Kanye West completely ruining Taylor Swift's VMA victory for Best Female Video by stealing the microphone and talking about Beyonce. Poor Taylor looked thuderstruck (as did Beyonce, to her credit.) Dude is a complete tool. Complete. Tool. I've included a rough video below for those who would like to see it. It's a modern day version of dumping pig's blood on Carrie at the prom. COMPLETE. TOOL.

True Blood Finale: "You're the maid of honor, you have to lick the egg."

2009-09-13T21:06:00.004-04:00

SPOILER WARNING: If you have not seen the True Blood season finale, please read no further. If you have seen the season finale, read on at your own peril.

So, that episode was a doozy, no? Oh what, only half of it was? Well, yeah, you're right. First off, GOODBYE, MARYANN. I am very, very sad to see you go. Michelle Forbes, I tip my hat to you. You sold Maryann's brand of crazy like a pumpkin spice latte on the first day of September (which is quite, quite well.) My one real gripe with tonight's episode was that they disposed of Maryann far to early in the episode. There was a small part of me that hoped she would somehow be able to continue on with us to next year. I mean, who else could pull off a line like
"You're the maid of honor, you have to lick the egg" ? No one, that's who. Also, I totally loved Sam's Mortal Kombat-esque disposal of her (i.e., ripping her heart from her chest), and how she was all excited because she thought he was "the god who comes." (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. Sorry.)

I didn't care for the way the rest of the episode played out. I thought it was a little slow paced, although watching the townsfolk try to piece their memories back together provided quite a bit of humor: "I heard that MaryAnn Forrester was an agent for the pharmaceutical companies and the liberal media." Hehe.

The end of the episode set up two plot lines for next season: (1) Sam is going to try to find his birth parents, which will either be interesting or a snoozer, and (2) BILL WAS KIDNAPPED. After proposing to Sookie, that is. (Also, if Bill and Sookie wind up getting married I might vomit, because I find the two of them nauseating.) Who do we think did it? I think we're supposed to be made to believe that it was Eric, which makes me say probably not. Lorena? That crazy Queen Sophie-Ann? (She is also my new favorite, by the way.) We'll have a full year to speculate because True Blood won't be returning until next summer. I don't know where I'm going to get my fill of vampire sex from in the interim, but I'll bravely try to do without it. In the interim, let me leave you with a few quotes:

"Come on, what are you?" "I'm a waitress, what the fuck are you?" Maryann and Sookie. Not quite as good as Sookie's "I'd prefer cancer" from Episode 2.03, but it'll do.

"You're the maid of honor, you have to lick the egg"--Maryann. Boy am I going to miss her.

"God with horns, worship him bitches." --Lafayette

"You may have your faults Andy, but at least you've got pants on"--Sheriff, who did not have his pants on.

"I heard that MaryAnn Forrester was an agent for the pharmaceutical companies and the liberal media."--Woman in diner. You know they talk about Barack the same way. Mmmhmmmm.

True Blood: Michelle Forbes is Funny Lady. I'm Still Scared of Her Though.

2009-09-13T17:24:00.003-04:00

People magazine interviewed Michelle Forbes, aka Maryann, aka That Crazy Bitch, in advance of this evening's season finale. Turns out she is funny! My favorite quotes include:

“I’m really very nice. Everyone’s getting so scared when they meet me now. I could kill [show creator] Alan Ball.”

"It sort of flip-flopped between very disturbing and just another day at work, as odd as that sounds. You just sort of get used to it."--in response to a question about what it's like to film one of Maryann's famous sex parties.

You can read the entire interview here. So while it seems that Forbes is actually a real, normal person, I still won't be able to look at her without cringing in fear. Sorry. I cannot wait for this evening's finale. Cannot. Wait.

Emmy Breakdown: Outstanding Comedy Series, or The First Race to Give Me Real Mixed Emotions

2009-09-13T07:00:00.000-04:00

Here's a fun fact for you. Did you know that of the 54 Outstanding Comedy Series awards that have been given out over the years, 46 of them have been awarded to just 2 networks? Yup, NBC and CBS can each claim 23 Best Comedy trophies. It's only fitting then that those two networks have the shows with the best shot of winning, but we'll get to that shortly. Let's look at the nominees:

Family Guy
Entourage
Flight of the Conchords
How I Met Your Mother
The Office
30 Rock
Weeds

This is the fourth nomination for The Office, the third for Entourage and 30 Rock, and the first for the rest. First off, let me give kudos to the Academy for the number of first-time nominees. It's nice to see that they are broadening their horizons. Second, can we talk about how wonderful it is that Family Guy has been nominated? Because it is, in a word, fucking fantastic. I know some people fault it for being too similar to the Simpsons (which it really isn't), or poor plot structure (which is actually something I appreciate--I like being able to watch clips without needing context). There are very few other shows which can make the mile-a-minute pop culture references work (incidentally, 30 Rock is one of them). Here's some evidence from this season:

Did you enjoy that? Good, because unfortunately I don't think its prospects of winning are actually very good. This is one of those "It's an honor just to be nominated so enjoy it and don't bitch" situations. The same goes for Flight of the Conchords. Entourage is quickly becoming irrelevant, so no award for it this year, and as I've said before I don't watch Weeds, but I'd also put it's prospects at slim to none. That leaves us with The Office, HIMYM, and 30 Rock. The Office had some moments this season (namely when Dwight taught the office about fire safety), but in general the show was a little uneven. 30 Rock and HIMYM are both fantastic. You've all heard me say so, so there's no real reason to extol both of their virtues more. 30 Rock is coming off a 3rd season which wasn't quite as wonderful as its second one, while HIMYM is coming off a season in which it saw a sharp rise in ratings (something notable in our DVR age) and what I'm considering a general breakthrough (in my own social circle I can count at least 10 people that have just started watching the show over the last 6 months, and while that may be because I pushed it on them like a drug dealer from one of those old "don't do drugs" commercials, I don't care.) Every part of my soul hopes the Academy will recognize this show for succeeding in a format--the sitcom--that is slowly beginning to disappear from network television and for doing so with both wit and heart. I love Tina Fey and I love 30 Rock, but I truly, truly believe HIMYM deserves the win. That being said, I'm bracing myself for 30 Rock to take home the award. So....

Who Should Win: How I Met Your Mother (please, please, universe, make this happen)
Who Will Win: 30 Rock

Check back tomorrow for a look at the Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama category, as well as a debrief of what I'm sure is going to be a fantastic True Blood season finale.

Emmy News: Tina Fey and Justin Timberlake Take Home Trophies, and All is Right With the World

2009-09-13T00:14:00.004-04:00

Justin Timberlake and Tina Fey each won the Outstanding Guest Actor/Actress in a Comedy Series award for their work on Saturday Night Live. Timberlake won for his hosting appearance, while Fey won for her pitch-perfect portrayal of former Gov. Sarah Palin last fall. To be fair, Fey had the award in the bag as soon as she put on those glasses and said "Now let me entertain you with some fancy pageant walking." Given the SNL sweep of these categories, how do we think this bodes for Kristen Wiig's and Amy Poehler's chances next Sunday in the supporting actress category? Discuss.

(And a technical point for those who don't know: There are a variety of areas covered by the Emmy awards: daytime television, sports, regional news, etc. The awards most people think of when they hear the word "Emmy" are the Primetime Emmy awards. The Primetime Emmys are handed out at two ceremonies: the Creative Arts Emmy Awards (which cover categories like art direction, cinematography, casting, etc. and the guest acting awards) and the Primetime Awards (which cover all the major acting categories.) The Creative Arts ceremony typically occurs a few weeks before the main show. I hope this cleared up any confusion.)

Emmy Breakdown: Outstanding Lead Actor and Actress in a Comedy Series, or Why Tina Fey Will Win Again

2009-09-11T21:30:00.002-04:00

Emmy time is rapidly approaching: we are just 9 days away from the big show, and I am WAY behind on my Emmy breakdowns. With that in mind, let's take a look at the Lead Actor and Actress in a Comedy categories. If you've followed these races before, you'll feel a bit of deja vu: 8 of the 12 nominees are repeats. Let's start with the men:

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
And the nominees are:

Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock
Steve Carell as Michael Scott, The Office
Jermaine Clement as Jermaine Clemaine, Flight of the Conchords
Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
Tony Shaloub as Adrian Monk, Monk
Charlie Sheen as Charlie Harper, Two and a Half Men

This is the fourth nomination for Carell and Sheen, the third for Baldwin, who won last year, and the seventh, yes SEVENTH for Shaloub, who has won THREE TIMES BEFORE. I don't watch Monk, so that astonishes me. Oh yeah, and it's the first nomination for Parsons and Clement, but neither have a prayer of winning, so we won't spend too much time on them. I don't watch Flight of the Conchords, but I've seen some Big Bang Theory, and I find Parsons' character Sheldon very annoying but I also don't think the show would work without him. That being said, I think Emmy voters are going to go with one of the repeat nominees. Here's a question for you: what blackmail does Charlie Sheen have that gets him a nomination every year? I get that Two and a Half Men is the highest rated sitcom on the air, but it's just not that funny, and Sheen is certainly one of the least funny parts of that show. He does not deserve the perpetual nominations, I'm sorry. Shaloub has won three times in the past, and I don't know that Monk is as buzzworthy as it once was (was it ever?), so I'm counting him out. That means the race comes down to Carell and Baldwin. Who should win? Let's look at some evidence:

Do I even need to say anything? I love Carell, but Michael Scott is ridiculous and constantly teteering on the edge of being heinously irritating. Alec Baldwin all the way baby.

Who Should Win: Baldwin
Who Will Win: Baldwin

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
And the nominees are:

Christina Appelgate as Samantha Newly, Samantha Who?
Toni Collette as Tara Gregson, The United States of Tara
Tina Fey as Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Christine Campbell, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Mary-Louise Parker as Nancy Botwin, Weeds
Sarah Silverman as Sarah Silverman, The Sarah Silverman Program

This is the 4th nomination for Louis-Dreyfus, who won in 2006, the 3rd for Parker and Fey, who won last year, the 2nd for Applegate, and the first for Collette and Silverman. Applegate's show has been canceled, so I think the nomination is as much as she'll get. I haven't watched Weeds in a while, so I will defer my judgment on Parker to one of our commenters, who I know will have an opinion (I still don't think she wins, though). I love Louis-Dreyfus, so, so much, but mostly because of this:

That being said, she's pretty funny as Old Christine, so I wouldn't count her out. I think Collette is great, although I do not watch her show, but I know she plays a woman with multiple personality disorder and awards shows tend to eat that kind of shit up like candy. The real wild card in this race is Silverman, who I find hilarious. I think you have to really like her brand of humor, though, or else she just comes off as annoying. That being said, the fact that she even got nominated makes me think she has a lot more supporters than anyone expected. But, let's be honest, this is Tina Fey's trophy to lose, and gosh darnit, there is just no way in hell that's she losing it. Not after this:

It takes a very, very, very special actress to pull off that kind of scene without seeming self-conscious or awkward or whatever. Fey totally sells it. And this is just one of many examples from this season. Remember when she made cheese stew for Don Draper and then he caught her in the bathroom? Or what about when she joined the women's fight club? Or tried to date the little person so she wouldn't feel guilty about thinking he was a child? Also, and I know this shouldn't affect my opinion, but it does: Tina Fey is the freaking head writer and exec producer of this show, so really she's spending less time honing her craft than the others. Given that, isn't it even more awesome that she's so much better than them? My hat goes off to you, Ms. Fey. Well played, sir, well played.

Who Should Win: Tina Fey
Who Will Win: Tin Fey (Oh Yeah!)

Check back Sunday for my analysis of the Outstanding Comedy Series race.

A Decent Television Musical Show: Is It Possible? Yes, It Is

2009-09-09T21:57:00.003-04:00

So I just watched the second episode of Glee, and I have to say I'm very, very, very impressed. This show is FUNNY. FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY. My favorite line:

"I try and try, but I guess I don't have a gag reflex." "One day when you're older that will turn out to be a gift."--Rachel and Emma

Seriously? How did that get by the censors? Also, Jane Lynch is already making a strong, strong showing for the 2010 Oustanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy race with her hilarious turn as Sue Sylvester, the evil cheerleading coach. She's great. The whole show is great. Two thumbs up.

Thing That Made Die Inside: Sept 9

2009-09-09T21:23:00.003-04:00

Ellen DeGeneres will be filling the empty 4th judge slot on American Idol this season. Uh.......what? I get that, for some strange reason, Fox really wants 4 judges, even though their incessant chattering will always make the show run over. But Ellen? Really?! Her musical background is what again exactly? Oh that's right. NONE. The shark has been so jumped that it's already been down to the police station to file a report about its missing wallet and cell phone. Twice. Yeah.

Thing That Made Die Inside: Sept 8

2009-09-08T21:45:00.002-04:00

The use of the awesome, awesome, beyond awesome Cobra Starship song "Good Girls Go Bad" in the America's Next Top Model commercials. Why do you have to taint everything I love, Tyra? WHY?!

Emmy Breakdown: Outstanding Supporting Actor and Actress, Comedy

2009-09-08T21:01:00.001-04:00

I hope you all enjoyed the long weekend! The 61st Annual Primetime Emmy Awards air Sunday, September 20th at 8 pm on CBS, less than two weeks from today. Let's take a look at how the Supporting Actor/Actress in a Comedy races are shaping up.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in Comedy Series
And the nominees are:

Tracy Morgan, as Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock
Jack McBrayer, as Kenneth Parcell, 30 Rock
Kevin Dillon, as Johnny Drama, Entourage
Neil Patrick Harris, as Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Rainn Wilson, as Dwight Schrute, The Office
Jon Cryer, as Alan Harper, Two and a Half Men

My take: This is the third nomination for Cryer, Dillon, Wilson, and NPH, and the first for McBrayer and Morgan. For the repeat nominees, I'll bet they're all really happy that Jeremy Piven, who won the award from 2006 through 2008, isn't nominated this year. I don't really care for Cryer, but that's more because I don't like Two and Half and a Men. Dillon is fine on Entourage, but for me the race comes down to Wilson, McBrayer, Morgan, and NPH. Now, while The Office itself wasn't super-hilarious last season, the episode where Dwight gives the group a lesson in "fire safety" was an instant classic. McBrayer is consistently funny on 30 Rock, although not quite as funny as Morgan was this year (please see the episodes "Believe in the Stars," where Tracy dresses up as a white woman, and "The Natural Order," where he acts like a normal human being, for some examples.) But really for me, NPH deserves the win. He is consistently hilarious as Barney, and this past season we really got to see his character grow through Barney's unrequited love for Robin. Additionally, with HIMYM up for Best Comedy Series this year, I think NPH is the front runner. So....

Who should win: NPH
Who will win: NPH

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
And the nominees are:

Jane Krakowski, as Jenna Maroney, 30 Rock
Kristen Chenoweth, as Olive Snook, Pushing Daisies
Amy Pohler, as everyone ever, Saturday Night Live
Kristen Wiig, as everyone ever, Saturday Night Live
Vanessa Williams, as Wilhelmina Slater, Ugly Betty
Elizabeth Perkins, as Celia Hodes, Weeds

This is the third nomination for Williams and Perkins, the second for Chenoweth and Pohler, and the first for Wiig and Krakowski. I don't watch Weeds, so I can't comment on Perkins, although I hear she's good. I like Vanessa Williams, but her performance as Wilhelmina will always be a little too diva for me. After all, this isn't the Daytime Emmys. Pushing Daisies was always too cutesy for me, and since Chenoweth is cutesy on her own, that's just far, far, far too much cutesy going on on the whole. So, for me, the race comes down to Krakowski, Pohler, and Wiig, and I have to say, as much as I love those SNL ladies, I'm giving the edge to Krakowski. It takes a very, very, very good actress to sell the distinct brand of crazy that is Jenna Maroney. Case in point:

Not everyone can be so unabashedly narcissistic and yet watchable. (Thankfully, I am one such person.) Additionally, I don't believe that the Emmys' love affair with 30 Rock is quite yet over. Not by a long shot. So...

Who should win: Jane Krakowski
Who will win: Jane Krakowski

Check back Thursday for a look at the Lead Actor/Actress, Comedy races.

CHALLENGE UPDATE: Congrats TM

2009-09-06T12:30:00.002-04:00

For the one or two of you who may have been following my challenge, congrats to TM who correctly guessed (after two tries) that the one thing the three songs had in common was that all appeared in episodes of J.J. Abrams shows: "I Will Remember You" appeared on Felicity, "Make Your Own Kind of Music" appeared in the 2nd season premiere of LOST, and "Bleed to Love Her" appeared in the 2nd season finale of Alias. Thanks to everyone who participated, and look for a new challenge question this later this week.

Your Fall Television Primer: The Rookies

2009-09-03T07:00:00.000-04:00

So following up on Tuesday's post about our favorite returning shows, today I'd like to overview the new shows that most caught my attention. Let's begin:

September 9th: GLEE, 9 p.m. Wednesdays, Fox
It's fitting that I start out with the show that I think is the biggest wild card of the upcoming season. Glee is about, well, a high school glee club and all of the associated trials and tribulations. We have the popular jock who looking to be more than just a jock, the outcast girl who pines for the popular jock, the schoolteacher who loves teaching, the shrill wife, the wallflower, etc., etc. None of these things make Glee any different from all the other high school dramas or comedies or dramedies we've seen over the years. Nope, the thing that sets Glee apart is that it is essentially a musical. As we know, shows that incorporate characters singing on a regular basis have not fared well on network television, just take a look at Cop Rock and Viva Laughlin. Actually, don't, because they are awful, awful clips from awful, awful shows. The good thing is, I don't think Glee is going to suffer the same fate. It's a musical in the way the movie Once was a musical, as in that when characters sing on Glee it's because the situation calls for it (practice, competition, etc.) At least that's true for the episode I've seen. I'm willing to give Glee a shot, but I promise as soon as it veers into Cop Rock territory, I'm changing the channel.

September 14th: THE JAY LENO SHOW, 10 p.m. Weeknights, NBC
Do not watch this show. If you like scripted television, do not watch this show. If you know someone who likes scripted television, do not watch this show. If you believe in goodness or happiness, do not watch this show. If you have a soul, DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW. Armageddon is upon us TV fans: NBC is taking 5 hours of its nightly schedule away from thought-provoking adult dramas and giving them to one man, Jay fucking Leno. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the guy, but he has no place in prime time. It makes me absolutely and utterly sad to think that NBC, the network that brought us Friends, Seinfeld, Fraiser, ER, Cheers, The Cosby Show, Mad About You, Hill St. Blues, St. Elsewhere, and even Miami Vice, is abandoning that history, that legacy of strong, quality, enter-fucking-taining programming, and going with a cheap talk show. NBC would argue that television viewership is down across the board so this makes good commercial sense for them, and while, yes, nightly ratings may be dropping, people will still watch good television when given the chance. NBC just doesn't know how to produce good shows anymore (The Office and 30 Rock excluded), so they're taking the easy way out. For shame, NBC, for shame. Please, I beg you, do not watch this show.

September 17th: COMMUNITY, 9:30 p.m. Thursdays, NBC
If you've been a reader of this space before, you know I love a little show on E! called The Soup, hosted by Joel McHale. Well, boys and girls, Christmas is coming early this year, because McHale, a hilariously funny and witty and sharp individual, is finally getting his own show. In Community, he plays Jeff, a suspended lawyer who is back in school after his college degree is deemed invalid by the State Bar. The cast includes Chevy Chase and Ken Jeong (the Asian guy from The Hangover). If this show can't bring people back to NBC, nothing can. You can view the trailer here. At the very least, watching will help prevent NBC from expanding Leno to 90 minutes on Thursdays.

September 23rd: COUGAR TOWN, 9:30 p.m. Wednesdays, ABC
Do I even need to say anything? The show stars Courtney Cox and has the word COUGAR in the title. Courtney Cox is a COUGAR. Therefore this show is about COUGARS. ABC is airing a show about COUGARS. ABC is airing a show about COUGARS starring Courtney Cox. COUGARS, COUGARS, COUGARS, Courtney Cox, COUGARS. COUGARS. I hope this show is good, because COUGARS. Courtney Cox.

September 24th: FLASHFORWARD, 8 p.m. Thursdays, ABC
Created by Brannon Braga (Star Trek: TNG and Voyager, which makes him my hero) and David S. Goyer (a co-writer on a little film called The Dark Knight, which you may have seen), this show is about what happens after every person on the planet blacks out for 2 minutes and 17 seconds and sees a vision of their life 6 months in the future. This show is the clear heir to LOST (which wraps up next spring) and I'll be damned if I'm not ready to watch every minute of it. Besides it's wonderful creative pedigree, the show also stars LOST veterans Sonya Walger (Penny!) and Dominic Monaghan (Charlie!), as wells such familiar faces as John Cho, Gabrielle Union, and Joseph Fiennes. You can watch the promo here. I'm going to go ahead and say that this is my early pick for new favorite show of the season.

Other new shows:

Sept 8: Melrose Place (9 p.m., The CW). Because one crappy CW remake wasn't enough. Oh you're still considering watching? Well Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is the star. There, I knew I could convince you.
Sept 10: Vampire Diaries (8 p.m., The CW). This show looks just like Twilight, which depending on how you feel about that madness might determine your interest. If you'd like to watch a truly great TV show about vampires, go watch True Blood. Or get some Buffy DVDs. Either works. But especially True Blood.
Sept 16: The Beautiful Life (9 p.m., The CW). This show is about Mischa Barton being a model and most likely a hot mess. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Sept 21: Accidentally on Purpose (8:30 p.m., CBS). Jenna Elfman plays a woman who gets knocked up. I'm sure I will watch this once or twice accidentally on purpose after HIMYM as I anticipate what the boobs will be up to at 9 p.m.
Sept 22: The Forgotten (10 p.m., ABC). Christian Slater stars as a former cop solving John and Jane Doe murder mysteries. Wait, what did I say this was about? I've....forgotten.
Sept 22: The Good Wife (10 p.m., CBS). The only thing I know about this show is that Julianna Margulies looks like Famke Janssen in the posters.
Sept 23: Mercy (8 p.m., NBC). Georgina Sparks plays a nurse. That idea scares me. If you don't watch, Leno gets this timeslot too.
Sept 23: Eastwick (10 p.m., ABC). Lipstick Jungle with magic powers. No thank you.
Sept 27: The Cleveland Show (8:30 p.m., Fox). Quagmire's Quagmire would have made a much better Family Guy spin-off, don't you think?

So that's it for my TV season preview. Is there a show that I missed that you'd like to get my sage opinion on? Let me know. I'll be back Sunday with the first of a series of posts analyzing the Emmy races this year. First up, comedy supporting actor/actress.

CHALLENGE UPDATE

2009-09-02T20:42:00.005-04:00

Time for our daily challenge update. First off, let me say kudos to AussieTVLover, who guessed that all three were songs featured on Alias. You were 1/3 correct: one of the songs was indeed featured on an episode of Alias, but I'm not going to tell you which one. So to repeat the question, what do the following three things have in common?

I Will Remember You
Make Your Own Kind of Music
Bleed to Love Her

Any other takers? Come on people this one isn't that hard. Take a guess. I dare you.

BREAKING NEWS: Katherine Heigl Takes a Hiatus from Grey's

2009-09-02T20:30:00.003-04:00

So I'm starting to believe in the power of my crazy Grey's rant......you know, the one I mentioned the other day. The first time I posted it, they almost killed Izzie off Grey's. Then I posted it again yesterday, and today I find out Katherine Heigl is taking a five-episode hiatus from the show to go film a movie. I'm very curious to see what happens if I post it again in the future. Maybe Shonda Rhimes will shave her head and attack a car with an umbrella? Or maybe Meredith will get knocked unconscious and have a dream about all the Grey's characters sent back in time to the 60s where they all dress and act very Mad Men-esque? I'm not sure, but I know I'm probably not going to be looking forward to these Heigl-less episodes. Izzie may be bat shit crazy, but at least she gives us something to talk about. Grey's without her will probably be kind of boring. I wonder how they'll explain her absence. My fearless prediction: People stop paying attention to Izzie, so she goes on a rampage and takes Cristina hostage, which requires a SWAT team to descend on the hospital. Once they capture her, they send her off to a sanitarium to calm down. It would be the perfect sweeps plot, don't you think?

Would You Like to Play a Game?

2009-09-01T19:14:00.004-04:00

Hello, dear readers (all 12 of you). I was just preparing to blog for another site I write for (click here to see my other work), when I had a bloop. What's that? You don't know what a bloop is? A "bloop" is when your mind runs off on a tangent and you wind up thinking of something with no recollection of what prompted the thought. This little bloop got me thinking, and I decided I wanted to play a little game with you, my readers. All you have to do is answer this question: What do the following three things have in common?

I Will Remember You
Make Your Own Kind of Music
Bleed to Love Her

Each day, assuming no one guesses the correct answer, I will reveal a single clue to the answer. Today's clue: the answer is related to television. (Did you really think I was going to give you a real clue?)

The winner will get a shout out on this blog, and the opportunity if he or she wishes to select the next subject of the challenge, as well as my undying respect and gratitude. Please use the comments section below to make your guesses, and feel free to pass the fun along to friends.

BREAKING NEWS: Mad Men Has Been Renewed For a Fourth Season

2009-09-01T14:36:00.003-04:00

Three episodes into its third season, Mad Men has been renewed for a fourth go round. That means another 12 episodes of Don being alternately inscrutable and lecherous, Betty being alternately beautiful and bratty, and Peggy being just bright, shining, budding feminist Peggy. I mean I'm not really surprised by this announcement, but I do think the show runners could be doing a bit better: I found myself quite bored by Sunday's episode, but that might have been caused by my watching True Blood right before. I mean, anything is going to look boring compared to the freaky maenad orgy cult, right?

For some funny character reactions to the renewal news, click here.

Your Fall Television Primer: The Veterans

2009-09-01T07:00:00.002-04:00

Aaahh, September, my favorite month of the year. I love September for many reasons: the weather starts to turn crisp, football returns, my birthday happens, and, by far most importantly, THE NEW TELEVISION SEASON BEGINS! That's right, boys and girls, the new season is practically upon us, so I've decided to lay out in chronological order when our favorites return:

August 16th (i.e., two week ago-ish): MAD MEN, 10 p.m. Sundays, AMC
Ok, so I was a little late to the Mad Men party, only having just discovered it this summer, but I can tell you I'm completely enamored of this show. After two seasons, I still do not understand these characters, but I mean that in a good way. Mad Men is the perfect way to spend a Sunday night.

September 14th: GOSSIP GIRL, 9 p.m. Mondays, The CW
I can't wait to find out what Chuck, Blair, and Serena's boobs have been up to all summer. I wonder if Little J still has that mullet. Or if Dan is still a tool. I'd ask if Vanessa is still a weird stalker, but I know that's true, since I've seen her peeping through my windows. Or maybe that was just a nightmare. In any case, I'm thankful that this moved to 9 p.m. so I can now watch HIMYM in real time.

September 17th: THE OFFICE, 9 p.m. Thursdays, NBC
JIM AND PAM ARE HAVING A BABY. Oh, I'm sorry, did you want a spoiler warning for that one? Well eff you, I don't care. I'm going to scream that one from the hill tops, because I AM SO EXCITED FOR THOSE TWO. (Yes, I'm really that excited.) I'm hoping The Office can rebound a bit this season since last year was a bit uneven. Thankfully they're not starting with those hour-long episodes again, so we should be ok.

September 21st: HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, 8 p.m. Mondays, CBS
So if you know me personally, you may have heard me talk about a little show called How I Met Your Mother, and you may have heard me bring it up in conversation every chance I got, and you may have heard me go on and on and on and on about it. If you weren't so lucky, let me just tell you now, that if there were only one show you were going to watch this fall, How I Met Your Mother (or HIMYM as I affectionately refer to it) should be that show. HIMYM is Friends for the Millenial generation except funnier and more relevant and more realistic and more absurd all at the same time. I cannot wait to see Barney and Ted and Robin and Marshall and Lily again, and more importantly, I CANNOT WAIT TO MAYBE GET A GLIMPSE OF THE MOTHER. That's right, THE MOTHER is in the offing (that's not a sexual thing) and she'll always be just around the corner this year. It's going to be fantastic, and I cannot wait.

September 24th: GREY'S ANATOMY, 9 p.m. Thursdays, ABC
So, regular readers of this blog know that I have a love-hate relationship with Grey's Anatomy in that I love to hate on it (for a great example, click here), but at the same time I cannot imagine not watching it. I was very happy to see Derek and Meredith take the leap at the end of last season, and very, very conflicted about Izzie's potential death. I'm very curious to see how the show deals with T.R. Knight's departure. I'm anticipating a bunch of gloomy episodes early on in the season, but hopefully that won't last for too long, because as much as I once liked George, I don't like my Grey's all dark and twisty.

October 15th: 30 ROCK, 9:30 p.m. Thursdays, NBC
30 Rock is fucking funny. Enough said. I shouldn't have to give you another reason to watch, but there are some of you out there who I know might need one AND I know would like this spoiler, so I'll give it to you (it comes from Ausiello over at EW.com):

Question: What’s in store for Jane Krakwoski’s Jenna on 30 Rock this season? —Kimberly

Ausiello: Her career will literally start sucking when she lands the female lead in a second-rate Twilight franchise. “For tax reasons, they shoot it in Iceland and then they realize the sun doesn’t set,” explains exec producer Robert Carlock. “So they’re shooting a vampire movie without having light.” Genius.

October 28th: FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, Wednesdays (if you're lucky enough to have DirecTV or know of sites where you can watch it online the next day)
Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. This show is a winner in every sense of the word (except for that one sense where the dumb Academy of Television Arts and Sciences finally honors with a Best Drama Emmy, because alas that has not come to pass). When we last left our hearts in Dillon, Texas, Smash and Jason had left town to live their dreams, Lyla, Tyra, Tim, Matt, and Landry were all about to follow them there, and poor wonderful Coach Taylor had been banished from the hallowed halls of the Panthers locker room to coach (gasp) the football team at the recently reopened East Dillon High. I cannot wait to watch the East Dillon Lions kick the ever loving shit out of the Panthers next season. It's going to be amazing.

Other returning shows:

Sept 8: 90210 (8 p.m., The CW). Same zip code, (relatively) same crappy cast, still won't be watching.
Sept 9: So You Think You Can Dance (8 p.m., FOX). So I think this was just on, no? Another season already? Fox is getting des-perate.
Sept 17: Fringe (9 p.m., Fox). This show was a victim to my busy TV watching last season, and will be again this year. If you finally give up on Grey's, make room for this show.
Sept 21: Heroes (9 p.m., NBC). If you watch this show, it will stay on the air, which would be bad, since it is TERRIBLE. If you don't watch however, NBC will expand Jay Leno to two hours on Mondays, thus furthering his plot to take over the world. Either way, we're fucked.
Sept 24: The Mentalist (10 p.m., CBS). This is one show I loved last season that I did not watch enough of. Perhaps the new timeslot will change that.
Sept 27: Family Guy (9 p.m., Fox). Cannot wait for this show, although I really wish they would just air the "Something, Something, Something, Dark Side" episode already.
Sept 27: Desperate Housewives (9 p.m., ABC). This show no longer makes the cut. I find the characters annoying. Do you?
Sept 27: Brothers & Sisters (10 p.m., ABC). Now that the adventures of those wacky Walkers air at the same time as Mad Men, I'm going to be DVRing this one for a while.
Oct 1: Private Practice (10 p.m., ABC). Please do not watch this show. If it gets cancelled, Kate Walsh (i.e., ADDISON) goes back to Grey's. Wouldn't that be nice?

Check back Thursday for an overview of the new shows I may pick up this season. Until then, you should be catching up on old TV and clearing out your DVRs. Remember, an organized DVR is a happy DVR.

"Look, Alone People Don't Like Hearing About the Together People"

2009-06-23T08:05:00.002-04:00

Because they just don't, unless it involves potential porno plotlines, like lesbians in a bathroom:

OUCH

2009-06-22T07:00:00.000-04:00

Because this is every man's worst nightmare:

Driving Lesson

2009-06-21T07:00:00.000-04:00

Because I'd imagine this is I would be like if I was learning to drive now...well not really but this is still funny:

The Chain of Screaming

2009-06-20T07:00:00.000-04:00

Because this is probably the 6th most useful thing I learned from this show, and that's saying something:

Lily is a Dirty Girl

2009-06-19T07:00:00.000-04:00

Because she just is, and I like it:

"A Lot of Puppies Got Adopted That Day"

2009-06-18T07:00:00.002-04:00

Because this is just really funny for three reasons (1) Lily's change in accent (2) James Van Der Beek (and I know you're thinking "WTF is he talking about?") and (3) Murder Train:

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

2009-06-17T07:00:00.001-04:00

Because we should all be able to translate the twelve different forms of "woo" into their proper English meanings:

Happy Wednesday

2009-06-03T08:05:00.001-04:00

Because if anything will help you get through hump day, this happy clip will:

Poor Denise Crosby

2009-06-02T07:19:00.002-04:00

Because even when animated, girl can't catch a break. (Also I almost JIMPed when I realized that they got EVERYONE from the TNG cast to actually do the voices):

Ladies and Gentlemen, Prepare Yourselves for a New Beginning

2009-06-01T08:20:00.001-04:00

Because this time I'm not going anywhere:

Tonight on American Id......ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

2009-02-17T21:59:00.002-05:00

So I just watched the first semifinal episode, and I have to say, I was rather unimpressed. Most of these people were snoozers, even that crazy Tatiana, who the judges poked and prodded to get her to do something bonkers, but to no avail. I was really bored watching this episode and I hope next week is better. I think this semifinal format was a big mistake. There's no chance to get invested in any of these singers. I'm not going to bother breaking it down, but I'll give you my predictions for who gets through: Anoop Desai, Alexis Grace, and Danny Gokey.

Clip of the Day: "Go F**k Yourself"

2009-02-17T07:42:00.001-05:00

Because no one likes to be told they're unoriginal:

Clip of the Day (Redux): Alas

2009-02-16T09:56:00.002-05:00

Because now I really can identify with Karen's comment even more. I miss you all (you know who you are):

I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHOW

2009-02-14T15:08:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I'm spending today catching up FNL. I was planning on writing a longer post about all of the reasons why I think this is the most wonderful show in the history of television. But I can't wait for that to say this: Mrs. McCoy just said she read The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. For those of you that know me personally, you know I fucking love Malcolm Gladwell. Malcolm Gladwell + Friday Night Lights = J.I.M.P. (And for those of you that don't know what J.I.M.P. is, see the clip below):

It Was Only a Matter of Time....

2009-02-14T13:59:00.002-05:00

Bravo is in production on a new reality show that follows the lives of teenagers at a New York prep school. Sound familiar? Yeah, they're totally trying to rip off our beloved GG. Problem is, I don't want to watch a show about actual teenagers that act the way the GG characters do, because that would make me sad for our future youth. Read the full story here. Thoughts?

Clip of the Day: Where Could I Be?

2009-02-12T07:00:00.000-05:00

Because I caught this episode the other night and I forgot how much I liked it:

Patty Hewes: Castrating Men Since 1952

2009-02-11T23:59:00.003-05:00

I'm worried about Damages. The frame story isn't strong, it isn't being used consistently, and the subplots are confliciting and distracting. It's like there are three different people arguing about what the season should about:

"This season is about Ellen's revenge!"

"No, it's about Ultima National Resources!"

"No it's about Patty versus Purcell!"

Even more troubling is the continued presence of Darrell Hammond, who I cannot look at without hearing "Like my friend, Joe the Plumber" from those SNL skits. It's terrible. The reintroduction of Katie Conner and the creepy cops from last season, while necessary, also make it feel like the show is moving backward. I think this show works the best when it has one plot to have it's characters conspire around. All this other stuff is distracting.

I'm going to ignore the questions format tonight, because the episode was pretty straightforward. Instead there are three things I would like to address:

1) Claire Maddox is a Naughty Girl
She is. She dumps Purcell, saying things have gotten too complicated. There are rumors that she's sleeping with Kendrick (which I don't think are true, but hey, you never know). Then she lets the young waiter from dinner take her home, and then leaves him to go smoke a cigarette alone. I bet she's freaky nasty. Since she seems a little older than a traditional cougar, I will from here on refer to her as Jaguar. Jaguar also totally had Patty's number about filing a shareholder lawsuit. That reminds me.....

2) FROBISHER IS THE PLAINTIFF
What. The. Fuck. Patty Hewes is one mean, mean, mean bitch. She humiliated this man, took everything he had away from him, and now he's willing to work with her? My guess is that he thinks he'll be able to take over UNR once Kendrick is ousted, which will never happen. I also think this is a way for Patty to start fucking with Ellen, because I think Patty knows Ellen is working with the Feds, given that Ellen insists on getting into random cars with them in broad daylight. If so, Patty is the BEST VILLAIN EVER, because that is cold. Cold, cold, cold.

3) Glenn Close is Scary Amazing
I know, I know you're sick of hearing this, but I just wanted to call out one thing: the courtroom scene at the end, when Patty is staring at Kendrick sizing him up, that was by far one of the best moments of the episode and didn't even require dialogue. I think I might be able to watch a show that solely consisted of Glenn Close making faces at people, because as I've said before, she says more with a single look than most people say with a 2 minute monologue. They should get Daniel Day Lewis on this show so he can make some of Daniel Plainview faces at her and she could make her Patty faces at him and we could all watch in awe.

Ok, so I'm going to stop there. I CANNOT WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK WHEN ELLEN FINDS OUT ABOUT FROBIE. IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME. (And will hopefully assuage some of my fears about the show).

I Just Got a Nosebleed Because My Brain Can No Longer Keep Up With This Show

2009-02-11T23:00:00.004-05:00

Ok so things I need to cover before I jump into this week's episode: (1) JIN IS ALIVE and (2) No one ever thought Faraday's mother was the woman in the bed, aside from me, which I will chalk up to my general confusion surrounding this show. Ok so having covered that, let me say: I have no fucking clue what is going on. Additionally, the time travel stuff is creating a lot of headaches for me, because I do not have any good answers. Ok so here are the big questions this week:

What the fuck is that wheel thing? Locke returned to the Orchid or the Well or whatever the fuck we're calling the place Ben went to move the island and I have to tell you, shit got trippy. He fell down a well to get there, which disappeared during a time jump, thus leaving him trapped underground. It's ok though, because JACK'S DAD REAPPEARS AND TELLS HIM HE WILL HAVE TO SACRIFICE HIS LIFE TO SAVE THE ISLAND. Yeah. Also, the fucking wheel thing is all off it's magical hinges, which seems to be causing all the time jumps. Locke puts it back though, which makes me wonder if the time jumps will stop now, and additionally if that means the islanders will be stuck in whatever time period they are in.
If Sawyer saw Claire and Kate in the woods, doesn't that mean there's another version of himself running around the island too? And this ladies and gentleman, is where my brain starts to hurt, because by jumping to a time after the crash, we jump to a point in a time where multiple versions of the same character exist, which means.......well I don't know what the fuck it means, but I hope it doesn't that they're going to start running into each other because it would have had to be something we would have already seen. And I'm pretty sure according t science fiction time rules you can't coexist with yourself in the same time period without the universe exploding........or at least my brain exploding from being so confused.
Are we ever going to find out about Smokey the Monster? Because I'd really like to know (1) what it is---and don't give me that security system bullshit because I will fucking punch in the face, and (2) how old is that temple it lives in, because it sure looks pretty old with all those hieroglyphics in it. It obviously came from the same people as that fucking wheel in the ground, but I would like to see them soon.
How awesome was it to see Rousseau's back story? Pretty awesome, although I don't remember if we ever knew she killed her husband. That's probably what drove her over the edge, that and Jin.
How do we feel about Charlotte dying? Pretty indifferent. I never attached to those frieghter folk, mostly because I think anyone that wasn't a main cast member during season 1 is doomed to die before the series finale (for examples see: Ana Lucia, Libby, Mr. Eko, Carl, Alex, Naomi, all of those crazy freighter people from last season, etc.). I hope that Desmond, Ben, and Juliet are exceptions to that rule, though, because I like all of them way too much. That aside, I was happy to find out that Charlotte grew up on the island because it's interesting and totally fits. Now I will ask the question: WHO'S HER DADDY? And she thinks she met Faraday in the past? Prob because when Locke fixed the wheel it stuck the island in the past. (Also: wheel = wheel of time, just realized that). What does that mean for our favorite characters? And how the Oceanic 6 fix it by going back? No fucking clue, just thought I would ask. Additionally, when Charlotte said she only just remembered something, I wonder if the reason she only just remembered it was because the timeline was being reset within her brain as a result of the impact that the moves through time are having on the timeline. What's that? I'm not making sense again? Ok I'll move on.
On a scale of 1 to touching, how good was the phone call from Sun's daughter? It was very touching. And now because I'm starting to get tired, one last question:
Anyone else think the show is becoming to plot heavy? The thing I love about LOST is seeing how the character's backstories (or forward stories) provide context for the way they act in the main timeline of the show. Now that it seems the show has somewhat abandoned that premise to instead make an on/off island split, I feel like we might have lost (no pun intended) some of that character-driven stuff that made the show so great in the first place. I'm happy we're getting answers, don't get me wrong, I just would like more of the character stuff again. (I think this may also have to do with my own personal preference for shows sticking with the formal conventions they set up, or reinventing them, rather than just abandoning them, but that's just me).

Ok, I will stop there. I will leave to you to discuss other questions or propose other answers by using the comments. I will respond to any good ones.

Ok here you go. Is Sun going to kill Ben? Jin is alive! And it's Ji Yeon?

Aaron and Ji Yeon will play together. And that totally killed he resolve, or maybe not.

Will she believe him? How will Ben prove it?

Jin is alive! The numbers being broadcast over and over again. 1988, wow.

I love French accents. And young Rousseau is easy on the eyes.

And isn't he totaly fucking with the timeline? I think he is.

I need to stop asking the temporal questions, or else I'm totally going to confuse myself.

Les Autres. or another flash. Or smoke monster.

Smokey the bear. This explains Rousseau's craziness.

This is the it, the it that killed them.

Who knew it killed them all so quickly.

OMG they pulled off his arm?!!!!!

This is ridic

So this is when she takes up her rifle And there's a temple on the islanf? I've never see that one before.

Clearly covered in hieroglyphs. Decaying arm.

The smoke on the beach, that's either the day they took Alex or the day Rousseau lit the fire on the beach.

Music box?

And what do the other people see when the time travelers disappear?

Decaying dead bodies.

OMG she killed her husband.

And Jin keeps flashing too, but is he flashing to different palces than the others are.

They reunited!

Why you bring her back?

Sun now working with Ben, too much switching of sides I think?

And Locke is going to leave island now?

She speaks Klingon? And what with the season premiere and Faraday watching the Other?

Now we're getting little Blair witch, and what was the point of doing them back to back if not to kill off

Woah Rebecca MAder, you are scary, you totally have a career in remakes of Japanese horror films.

THis place is death, that's creepy.

What? I'm so confused.

What is The Well? The Well of Knowledge? Well of Time?

We knew she grew up on the Island? We knew it...........who is her Dad? WHO IS HER DAD?

WHAT DOES SHE REMEMBER?!!!!! CRAZY MAN THAT SCARED HER!!!!!!! IF SHE CAME BACK SHE WOULD DIE!!!!!! CRAZY OLD MAN WAS FARADAY!!!!!!

I wonder if there's sme kind of magic on his promise. Like a magic seal.

Oh Jin you are a good husband. You love your wife.

Locke is a crazy old man.

That happened way too quick.

And Charlotte is dying. So if Daniel went back in time.

How can his mother help?

She died. You had a good run Rebecca Mader, we will miss you. This death has none of the emotional impact I would have expected.

Ewww Locke has protruding bone.

Oh Christian Shepherd. SO CREEPY!!!!!

Oh he's so creepy............ok here was the emotional hook. Eloise Hawking.

Push the wheel back onto its axis.

Can you help me up? This feels really biblical.

Ben tring the wheel made it not work.

Locke put the wheel back in place. Does that mean the flashes will stop.

Mrs. Hawking's church?

Desmond.........about freaking time.

And why does she live at a church?

This adds to the creepiness.

Clip of the Day (Night): Perhaps a Bit Unrealistic, No?

2009-02-11T19:28:00.002-05:00

Because the woman's voice kind of makes the whole thing seem like a joke ("there's a smoke monster, polar bear..."), which makes me want to kill her:

Clip of the Day: Some Musical Inspiration for Your Tuesday Morning

2009-02-10T07:59:00.001-05:00

Because I find that this one always makes me want to do more:

Clip of the Day: Hot For Teacher

2009-02-09T07:00:00.000-05:00

Because (1) everyone had that one teacher in high school they wanted to bang (excuse my language) and (2) I love the song in the background, "With a Heavy Heart (I Regret to Inform You)" by British band Does It Offend You, Yeah?, which I discovered a few months ago and I suggest you check out (their album makes great running music):

Clip of the Day: The Best of Last Night's The Office

2009-02-02T07:51:00.002-05:00

Because clip 1 encompasses the way I think my office is going to feel today and clip 2 just makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside:

Country Roads, Take Me Far Away From Patty Hewes Please

2009-01-28T22:55:00.004-05:00

Oh, Lordy, boys and girls, the bitch is back and she's going to be OUT FOR BLOOD. This is what I've been waiting for since the premiere. Bad Patty is back. I was very much tiring of the gentler Patty. It doesn't suit Glenn Close, and it doesn't suit the show. Patty is best when she's given fre reign to be a manipulator. Additionally, I hope to see more courtroom scenes between her and Claire Maddox, because I think their head to head is going to be AMAZING. Ok, so time to answer the questions for this week:

Why did Purcell kill his wife? So this was the big reveal: he did do it. I don't think any of us are shocked there. Perhaps she goaded him into it? Perhaps she was in the pay of UNR? Perhaps she was having an affair with Sutry (Purcell's boss). Quite frankly, I don't care why he did it. I'm just glad that plot is over.
Why did Purcell burn Patty? Oooh, now this is a good one. Why did he do it? Because he wanted to make sure they didn't come after his daughter too. That's what that first tete-a-tete between he and Patty was supposed to accomplish. But seriously, doesn't he know he's better off siding with Patty? Doesn't he know she will DESTROY him now that he's double crossed her? Especially after she showed some completely uncharacteristic kindness to him by letting him meet Michael. Dude, she is going to cut off your balls and eat them with some fava beans and side of nice chianti and she is GOING TO ENJOY IT. That look on her face at the end said it all. I'm scared y'all.
Why is this UNR plot starting to feel like a Grisham novel? Or a little like a more sinister version of Erin Brockovich. Small town in a rural state (love West Virginia by the way), some kind of pollution/contamination/corruption, big lawsuit in the offing. It feels a little Runaway Jury + a little Pelican Brief to me. I'd like it to stay a bit fresher personally.
Why in the hell would they cast Darrell Hammond as Sutry's go-to guy? Don't get me wrong, I think he's great---on SNL when he does his impressions. Here he was just a big old distraction. I was waiting for him to break into his McCain impression everytime I saw him. Poor casting choice.
Who is Ellen getting money from? So we saw a bit more of the frame story tonight: Ellen gets a briefcase full of money from whoever she shoots. So the questions here are pretty basic: Who is it? Why are they giving her money? What does Ellen need money for? You know, just basically what the fuck is supposed to be going on. Again, not to return to my criticism from last week, but this weak frame story is hurting the sho and it's showing in the episodes: at first I thought the season was going to be about getting Purcell off murder charges, but now that's done. We've lost the FBI fake case for Patty, and now she may not even be going up against UNR. Last season it was Frobisher, Frobisher, Frobisher. Let's get some direction and go with it, please.
Are we done with revisiting the 10 year ago period? Now that Michael has met Purcell, I would hope so, but something tells me no. And quite frankly I don't really want to see more scenes of Patty threatening Purcell in the past, because now she can do it in the present. Also, if we're going to the past, let's see the trial where Michael was conceived, or the first case where Patty crossed the line to the darkside, something else besides this. If anything, I think we should go with the second, because I'd love to know how Patty became Patty, because to quote another of my favorite shows "Bitches aren't born their made." (10 points to anyone who guess both the character and the show.)

So I think things are finally getting started, but I'm disappointed that it took so many episodes to make it happen. I leave you with two of my favorite Patty quotes from tonight:

"And Ellen, the next time I give you an assignment, just nod your head and get it done."--Patty. To my good friend who will remain nameless in order to remain innocent, who does this remind you of?

"You don't want to pursue this in court." "Why not?" "Because I'll destroy you."--Patty and Purcell. She will, Purcell, SHE FUCKING WILL AND IT WILL BE EPIC. EPIC!

In-Laws Are Such Pains in the Asses

2009-01-28T21:04:00.003-05:00

For many people, having in-laws means awkward holidays, hearing stories about your spouse's exes, and long extended visits at your house. For Desmond Hume, it means needing to sneak back into the country because god forbid your crazy ass father in-law finds you because he'll probably try to interrogate you about the crazy ass island you escaped from three years ago because all he wants to do is get back there. Back there you say? Yeah, Widmore was on the island 50 years ago. Even better, WIDMORE WAS AN OTHER. What does that mean? Well, boys and girls, I think that will be our first question for the evening:

What are the implications of Widmore being an Other? I know I should have asked "How did Widmore become an Other?", but I'm assuming that will be revealed. Here's what we know. Widmore was on the island once, and reported to ageless other Richard Alpert. Current Widmore only wants to get back to the island. I'm guessing in the intervening time, Widmore does something to get himself banished, either killing one of his own people (we've seen him display quite the penchant for violence), or revealing some secret about the island. It's hard to be sure. I'm also betting the guy gains some knowledge of the future before he leaves (heck, it may even be the thing that gets him thrown off), which is why he's probably so rich in the 2004 time period.
Where is Faraday's mother? There are three possibilities: (1) Faraday's mother is the woman lying in the bed and Widmore is lying. (2) Faraday's mother is not the woman lying in the bed and Widmore is telling the truth and she's in Los Angeles. (3) Faraday's mother is neither the woman in the bed or in Los Angeles and as such here whereabouts are unknown. If scenario 1 is true, the questions becomes why Widmore would lie to Desmond, which is easy to answer: he either wants him out of the way, like he said, or he's planted a woman in Los Angeles and is going to use Desmond as a way to get back to the island, which kind of seems like something he would do. If scenario 2 is true, then the question is who is the woman in the bed and where did she come from and why are people pretending she is Faraday's mother? In this case, I'm betting they are part of the same group as Crazy Old White Haired Lady, a.k.a. Mrs. Hawking. The question then becomes why would they try to pretend she is Faraday's mom, to which I do not yet have a good answer. If scenario 3 is true, then why are both groups lying and where is the real Mrs. Faraday? What does she know that would force her to need to disappear? Is she even alive? And why would both groups pretend she is? I still have a sneaking feeling that Faraday is somehow related to Mrs. Hawking, even if he isn't her son. Additionally, what made Desmond think that the people at the house were lying? Did I miss something? Also, WHY WOULD DESMOND GO STRAIGHT TO WIDMORE AFTER PENNY TOLD HIM TO AVOID HIM? Thankfully Desmond did not mention the child.
Why does the 1954 version of Alpert not know Locke? The other version of Alpert did seem to know him last week, although we do know that that time period was much later on than this one. (Btw, it's getting really hard to keep the "this" and "that" straight with all of the time changes.) We know that Jacob is some kind of god/prophet to the Others, but why? And why does Alpert take Locke at his word? The other interesting thing here is that we may have just seen Locke create his own time loop, since he tells Alpert to visit him as a child after he's born, which we know he does. Which JUST REMINDED ME OF SOMETHING: Alpert forced young Locke to pick between a few items when he visits him as child (Season 4 episode "Cabin Fever"). The compass, which Alpert gave him last week and Locke gave back to him this week, is one of the items (Lostpedia just confirmed that for me). When Alpert visited young John, he asked him to pick up the item that was already his, which I thought was a weird question at the time, but now makes more sense, since Alpert is just giving Locke back his own compass again. I have a feeling these compass exchanges are going to happen more often. What does the compass mean though? Where did it come from? And is Locke the one telling Alpert to test his young self? I have soooooo many more questions now.
How did the US Army find the island? I thought the island had protections against detection. I'd imagine that the Army would have carefully selected it's test site for the H-bomb and would have made sure to know where it was. Additionally, does anyone else think that perhaps leaked energy from the H-bomb gives the island some of its unique characteristics? Or maybe even it's the reason the women can't carry babies to full term? (The children are dying of radiation posioning in utero).
Why do the Others have to learn Latin? I don't buy the answer Juliet gave, but I bet it totally has something to with Alpert and how old he is. I know the show has entered time travel sci-fi land, but what if perhaps there's also a fantasy element as well and Alpert is actually some deity from Mount Olympus banished to live among the people. Or he could be some kind of long-lived alien here to shepherd the human race along (similar to the First Ones in Babylon 5--yes I watched it, and not you can't judge me) by teaching small groups of them, and he makes them all learn Latin since it's the best thing he thinks they can know. Juliet did call it Others 101 after all. I'm a little hesitant to believe my own alien hypothesis because the show seems so Earth and Island centric, but who knows?
Why is Faraday all of the sudden the new Jack? I don't like him being a main character. He's a little annoying. And if he did do some crazy thing to some girl at Oxford like that janitor (who may not even actually be a janitor, but instead part of the Widmore-Hawking conspiracy) said, then I certainly don't like him. Even more, I don't trust him. I want to see more of what's in his journal, because I think he knows way more about what's going on than he is letting on.
Why did Penny and Desmond name the baby Charlie? Well this is an easy one---because of poor, dearly departed Charlie--but it does give me the opportunity to talk about how much I love Penny and Desmond. I love that she totally knew he was lying at the end and that the easiest thing to do would just be to have them do it together. Thank you, show, for giving us more of them.
Where did the next jump take us? Well I guess we're all just going to have to tune in next week to find out, won't we? And with that I leave you.

Curiouser and Curiouser

2009-01-23T19:37:00.003-05:00

First off, let me apologize for the delay in posts. Work has been crazy and I'm only just getting things back together now. Ok, so Damages. Things are slowly starting to come together, but I still have no idea where we're headed, probably because the frame story, which was absent tonight, is much less clear than it was last season (Ellen threatening someone in a chair versus Ellen having a dead fiancee----see what I mean?). Since things are still unclear I'm going to continue with my question and answer format:

Why is the FBI backing off? Well on the surface this seems like an easy one: They want to make sure Ellen hasn't blown her cover. Little do they realize that Patty has recreated 1984 in her offices. I just hope these agents are clean and aren't actually in someone else's pocket, or--even worse--in Patty's pocket as part of some elaborate scheme to ensure Ellen is loyal. I know that is a little far-fetched, but this is Patty Hewes we're talking about.
Why is Ellen so stupid? The FBI tells her Patty may know something, so back off, and what does Ellen do? (1) She uses the office computer to look up the connection between Patty and Purcell. I'm sorry, but if the woman has the office bugged, I'll bet she has some kind of keystroke tracking program installed on all of the computers. (2) She blatantly looks through old office files. Yeah, that's a good idea. (3) She calls the FBI from her Blackberry in her hotel room. Um, Ellen, if you really think Patty tried to have you killed why wouldn't she bug your hotel room as well? (4) SHE ASKS TOM POINT BLANK ABOUT PATTY AND PURCELL. Yeah, Ellen, asks Patty's lapdog questions about her personal life (And you've got to love Tom's response: "If Patty wanted us to know, she'd tell us." Grow a pair, dude.) (5) When Tom won't give her an answer, SHE ASKS PATTY. Which leads to my next point.
Why is Glenn Close such a good/scary actress? Go back and watch the scene where Ellen asks Patty about Purcell and Patty responds with "What are you implying Ellen?" Now slow it down and look at each of their eyes. Patty asks the question with what can only be called a look of glee, like a lion toying with it's prey before going in for the kill. Then we have Ellen, who is all wide-eyed like she's in over her head. I'm not sure if this was Rose Byrne acting or Rose Byrne being wide-eyed because she's just in awe of Glenn Close. It was kind of amazing.
Why is Patty opening up to Ellen? Patty, you tried to have her killed, play your cards a little bit closer to the vest. Unless this is some sort of calculated misdirection, which I totally would not put past Patty. And if that's the case, it seems to be working, because why would Ellen want the FBI to go back to a case that happened before Patty even had her own firm. I doubt she would have started her deviousness that early.
Why reveal now that Purcell is Michael's father? I'm guessing Michael is going to find this out later in the season, which will lead him to reveal some choice information about Patty in retaliation.
What is Purcell's relationship to the reported is West Virginia? No idea.
Did Purcell kill his wife? I think yes, or at the very least he paid to have her killed. She must have found something out about his dealings with Ultima National Resoures. What I do not know.
When did Purcell and Claire Maddox start their affair? I'd just like to know the context, that's all.

So that's it for my questions this week. I'll leave you with some quotes:

"Don't manage me......I'm not a goddamn child." "Then stop acting like one. Now shut your mouth and do as I say."---Purcell and Patty. You better listen to her, Purcell, if you know what's good for you.

"Have you ever met Daniel Purcell?" "Once or twice."--Purcell's boss and Claire Maddox. Oh yeah, she's "met" him all right.

"I don't believe a word you say."--Patty to Purcell. Pot calling the kettle black much?

So, I Have No Idea What Just Happened, And Quite Frankly I Don't Care. THAT WAS AWESOME!

2009-01-21T20:57:00.003-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, Ladies and Gentlemen, LOST! IS! BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What does that mean? I have no fucking clue. What is here really? Or there? Or now? Is now actually happening now? Or has it already happened and we're just experiencing it again? Do you have no idea what I'm talking about? Don't worry, neither do I. For my LOST posts, I'm going not even going to try to recount the things that pass in the episode because it would just be way too hard. Instead, I will ask and then try to answer a few key questions each week. Let's begin.

We are now firmly in the land of time-travel, so what the fuck does that mean? Ok, so let me first try to summarize what Faraday said. Time cannot be changed: people can move back and forth through time, but things will always play out the way they are supposed to. This sort of flies in the face of a lot of the comic book sci-fi stuff which has a lot of alternate universes, etc., but it does stay pretty true to the show (see the Charlie dies plotline for more information), so I'm ok with that. One thing that really confuses me though: if the island is jumping around in time, how can Locke be dead? Because conjecture would hold that there will be points in time where dead Locke coexsits with live Locke on the island. Also, how do we measure time for the individuals who are still there? It's not really linear since they will keep jumping from time period to time period, but it probably seems linear to them, since their memories will stay intact. Does that mean we're operating on two different timelines, one for the world of the show and one for the characters of the show? I think yes, which also adds so many layers of complexity I can't see straight.
Ok so if there's time travel, why are only some characters affected and not others? Again, I have no idea. The Others don't seem to have been affected, but the 815ers and the Freighter Folk do. But where did the Others go? And why aren't they affected? We'll have to revisit this one.
Who else liked all the references to past events in the show's history? I'm talking specifically about the drug filled plane (a Season 1-2 plot point), the Expose TV show (remember Nikki and Paulo from Season 3?), the Hatch intact and crazy Desmond, and probably a bunch of other stuff I can't remember right now. It was a nice touch. Oh, and also so happy to see Dr. Marvin Candle again, that crazy old coot.
Why do they have to go back? Obvious question, no good answer.
What happened between Ben and Sayid? Sayid was working for him, but not anymore. Why?
Is Mrs. Hawking, the old lady with white hair, Faraday's mother? I say yes.
Who hired those lawyers to find out about Aaron's paternity (or in this case maternity I guess)? I see one of two possibilities: Sun to try to get Kate to join her on her quest to destroy Ben, or Widmore to try to get Kate to reveal the location of the island.
Does the time warp have anything to do with the sky going purple (end of Season 2)? I'm going to guess yes, although I have no clue why.

So those are all of the questions I have off the top of my head. Does anyone else out there have any that I might be able to answer for you?

"That's What She Said" Moment of the Night

2009-01-21T20:19:00.001-05:00

"Let's both go down,"--New judge Kara DioGuardi to crazy old judge Paula Abdul on American Idol after trying to give a male contestant a critique. Michael Scott would be proud.

Where Are All The Good Singers?

2009-01-20T20:50:00.002-05:00

They promised less of a focus on the bad singers this time around, but tonight's episode seemed to heavily focus on the bad/marginally good who won't make it past the next round, to the extent that they lumped three actually good singers together in a montage that lasted less than one minute. I know I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. Shame on you, American Idol, shame.

So Can We Talk About All The Reasons Why This Show is Awesome?

2009-01-19T21:01:00.004-05:00

Carter Bays (HIMYM's exec producer for those you who don't know), get out of my head. While I enjoy watching my life on TV, it's starting to get a little creepy. Case in point: Ted and Barney's little discussion about buying a bar. Not only have I had that conversation many, many times, I actually just told an interviewer that my life's dream is to open a bar/restaurant. So yeah.

Seriously though, I don't understand how this show hasn't been nominated for a Best Comedy Emmy yet. Yeah sure, it's not edgy like those cable comedies, or super smart like 30 Rock, but this show is consistently funny, week in and week out, and has built a wonderfully consistent internal world (I'm still waiting for the next slap and the appearance of the goat). The ratings have been up significantly this season, and I can only hope that the awards will follow.

Ok, so back to tonight's episode. The backdrop: a 3-day blizzard. Ted and Barney try to keep McClaren's open so they can meet up with two college girls from Arizona Tech (Barney needs to complete his bingo card, and yes, it's THAT kind of bingo) who are in a band. The girls show up, and bring their bandmates with them. Oh, bt-dubs, they're in a marching band, so Ted and Barney have a little bit of a problem on their hands. Yada, yada, yada, they invite everyone back upstairs, and Barney gets his bingo.

Meanwhile, Lily and Marshall are trying to put an end to one of their relationships rituals--picking each other up from the airport and bringing a six-pack of beer with them--since the relationship has "matured." (Sidenote: I get that the way they said "matured" was supposed to be a joke, but it's really fucking annoying.) Except that neither of them can do it because they think it will mean the end of their relationship, in that really, really sweet, makes you want to vomit a little bit but is still really nice kind of way. Marshall makes Robin drive him to the airport, which allows us to see a nice conversation between Marshall and Robin about how she expresses love, which I think is laying the groundwork in a very subtle way for her getting together with Barney. Lily, on the other hand, uses favorite cab driver Rajit to go to a liquor store to get beer. Both get to the airport, but seemed to have missed each other. Why you ask? It all goes back to the 3-day blizzard. The Robin/Marshall story happened on Tuesday (Marshall realizes he missed a call from Lily saying her flight had been canceled and she wouldn't be back until two days later), the Ted/Barney plot happened on Wednesday (Marshall went to the party), and the Lily plot occurred on Thursday, which was really fortunate since it allowed Marshall to use the marching band he met the night before to greet Lily at the airport. Seriously, I'm such a sucker for such corny sentimentality. I loved how Marshall wondered if he was going to have to this every time now and Lily, with tears in her eyes, immediately went "Yup, yup, yup." Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. More, more, more of this show please.

Question: Does Anyone Out There Actually WANT To Go To Yale? Didn't Think So

2009-01-19T20:04:00.004-05:00

For those of you out there whom I'm about to offend, I apologize. Let me preface my remarks with this: I went to Harvard. I always wanted to go to Harvard and never ever wanted to go anywhere else. In case you didn't know, Harvard is, has been, and will always be the best school in the universe for ever and ever. Therefore I find it hard to believe, nay, I refuse to believe that no one from Constance/St. Judes wants to go to Harvard and that they all want to go to Yale. I could enumerate the vast number of ways Harvard is superior to Yale (it's located in a safer city, it has a better sports teams--to the extent that sports matter at an Ivy League school, it's campus is prettier, it's older, it has more money, etc., etc., etc.), but I won't, because then I'll be accused of being a Harvard snob (which btw, I probably am). These kids go to prep school, they have to know to this. Especially Blair, who is always overly concerned with being on top and being the best at everything. Why would she go to a school where her already large inferiority complex will just be aggravated over and over and over again and again and again?

This is not the only grossly unrealistic thing that bothered me. Blair only applied to one school? As if. No high school guidance counselor with half a brain (and I'm sure the one at Constance is top notch) would ever let someone apply to only one school without at the very least notifying said individuals parents. Also, the dean wanted to issue a press release? Serena is a socialite not a celebrity. No one is gonna care if some pretty rich girl with the most perfect boobs in the world gets in the best safety school on the planet, not unless she's being constantly hounded by paparazzi, which she's not. Also, the woman who called to ask for the press release? The dean's assistant is not an old woman from the 19th century who talks like Henry Higgins. Please. Also, Blair's acceptance gets "put on hold" until she completes "detention" because of "a prank on a teacher?" First, colleges only fuck with your acceptance if you do something really bad (there was this girl who supposed to be in my class at Harvard but got her acceptance rescinded for plagarizing all these articles she wrote for her high school newspaper and then lying about them). Second, why would Headmistress Kweller call Yale to tell them about said prank? Wouldn't that hurt the school's standing in Yale's eyes? Third, that new teacher was really dumb to run and tell the Headmistress at all, given Blair's declaration of war at the end of the episode. She should have tried to handle it herself. Now she's going to have her secret relationship with Dan Humphrey revealed in the next 4 episodes. (Come on, you know that's where this is headed what with S and D on the outs because of Lilfus.)

More unrealistic things, the reconciliation between Lily and Chuck. Chuck wants to take down Uncle Jack and goes to Lily for help and they bond over all of Chuck's failed plans (underage transexual hookers with anthrax cocaine). Eventually Lily realizes that the way to get rid of Uncle J is to adopt Chuck, since Bart's will only specifies that Chuck's legal guardian run the company, not necessarily Uncle J. Lily is able to have the papers faxed over to the opera, and signed during intermission, which leaves just enough time for Uncle J to try to sexually assault Lily on a coke high. Chuck of course saves the day, and then goes to Lily the next day and tells he would like to move back in. In return, Lily says she will give him the company on his 18th birthday. Next week: Lily tucks Chuck into bed and reads him a bedtime story. Ok, maybe not.

As for the rest of the stuff: Lilfus trying to make their relationship work as they straddle two worlds (been there, done that, let's see the secret child return please, although watching Rufus learn about opera was hilarious), Nate and Vanessa not having problems in their boring ass relationship besides some old lady hocking spit next to them at the opera (I hate them both), and SERENA'S BOOBS, did you see them at the opera? They are just so wonderfully distracting. Also, Nelly Yuki is turning into a real bitch and I like it (she told everyone Blair got wait listed). Also, it was nice to see the gay dads again, but the Yale theme breakfast made my stomach turn, for already disclosed reasons. Ok, that's all I've got for you this week.

Clip of the Day: The Purge

2009-01-19T07:00:00.000-05:00

Because Ben is a bad, bad man:

I Thought I Warned You, Shonda Rhimes, I Thought I Warned You

2009-01-18T12:16:00.003-05:00

So first off, let me say that I thoroughly enjoyed (with a few exceptions that I will get to later) this episode. I'm very pleased with the developments in the Mer/Der, Cristina/Dr. Major Hunt, and Slexie relationships, as well as the screen time and plot devoted to Dr. Bailey. There is one thing I did not enjoy, but since there was far less of it this week than last, I will consider that a small victory. So diving in:

Let's start with the Mer/Der plot, since I found this one by far the most enjoyable. Derek's mommy was coming to Seattle, and of course Mer was freaking out, since as she said a very long time ago, "We don't do well with mothers here." (Really not a surprise what with the tequila, and the sleeping with inappropriate men/women, and the self-destructive tendencies. It's amazing that no one has tried to create a reality show about the interns and residents of Seattle Grace.) Apparently Mer's trying to get ready to meet the Mommy involves her sitting in a chair, drinking (of course), and letting She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (I'm abandoning the other name I've given her until certain elements of her storyline are resolved) do the cleaning and the prepping, because mother's love people like She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, to which I say, yeah sure they do, because they put on that one, seemingly normal, happy, beautiful face to the public and then have another, super psycho, "It puts the lotion on because it's told to" face just for you which no one will ever believe is true and thus keeps you trapped forever and ever in your own personal hell until you become more crazy than she is.

I'm digressing. Back to Derek's Mommy, played by Tyne Daly, who is really pretty awesome. I loved the way she was able to get to everyone in the way that only a mother can. Also, totally loved her interactions with Sloan and Lexie. Mark really is like another one of her kids (which is the only explanation for why she still speaks to him after breaking up her son's marriage), and the way she grilled Lexie is totally something a mother would do. Also, Mom if by some chance you've found this blog and are reading it, please don't ask whatever girl I bring home to meet you how many sexual partners she's had, ok? Thanks. Anyway, Mer thinks the best way to impress Derek's Mommy is to act like the opposite of herself, which means smiling and wearing a ponytail. But given all of the drama surrounding Serial Killer, Mer decides to come clean and tell Derek's Mommy how crazy she is. Which apparently Mommy totally approves of, as evidenced by her giving Derek the family ring to give to Meredith, because Derek needs her since he "sees things in black and white, and Meredith doesn't." Thank god, Mommy didn't say shades of Grey, because that really, really would have been too much and I was totally waiting for it. I will say though that this sudden appearance of a ring during a plotline where Mer and Der are disagreeing a bit scares me, since their history would suggest that they will break up again soon because of it. I hope I'm wrong, but keep your eyes open for suspiciousness surrounding this ring, ok?

Moving on to Dr. Major Hunt and Yang, I'm really liking where this is going. Hunt is a big old mess (he hasn't been on a date since before he went to Iraq) and Cristina needs someone who will not expect her to be perfect, like Burke did. I also think having Hunt around will accelerate her detente with Meredith, since Cristina spoke to her for the first time since last week's "You're not a natural surgeon, BITCH" comment. I thought that scene at the end in the shower was touching, but I can't help but wonder how much longer Cristina will go on with this without sex. I'm just saying, we know how she can get.

As for Slexie, I have a couple of questions (most to do with Lexie). (1) When did she move into Meredith's attic? Did I miss that? (2) Are she and Meredith on speaking terms now? Lex was standing with Mer when She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was giving her advice. Can someone please tell me if I missed something? (3) If Mark doesn't want anyone to find out that they're sleeping together, why would he go to the house where EVERYONE ELSE HE KNOWS lives? Actually, scratch that, we all know why he went there. I'm looking forward to when this relationship comes out into the open, since I think Derek's Mommy was right and that she's a good match for him.

Now as for Bailey and the medical plots, I'm gonna say I'm a little worried about her. She seems to be losing it because of this patient, which also seems a little weird, because don't we all remember the speeches she gave She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named over and over and over and over and over and over again about not getting emotionally involved with patients? This seems a little bit like a case of the scalpel calling the clamps a surgical instrument, don't you think? I'm willing to put those feelings aside, though, because perhaps this will be the plot that finally, finally will get her the Emmy she deserves. Also, I'm really interested to see how the Serial Killer wanting to give up his organs for the kid plays out, since the the previews for next week make it look like not well.

Ok, so it's time for my weekly rant. Here we go:
HE'S STILL FUCKING HERE. AND MAKING JOKES ABOUT WHY IT'S GOOD TO DATE A DEAD GUY. THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR TWO FUCKING MONTHS NOW, AND SHE STILL HASN'T SEEN A SHRINK. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU ARE A DOCTOR AND YOU SHOULD THAT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FUCKING INSANE. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE YOU. ALEX WANTS TO TAKE YOU TO MEET HIS MOTHER. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. ALSO, DENNY, FUCKING DEAD AS A DOORNAIL DOUCHEBAG DENNY, SHE FUCKING BROKE UP WITH YOU, PLEASE FUCKING DISAPPEAR. BUT YOU WON'T, BECAUSE YOU'RE SOME FUCKING CREEPY DEAD STALKER. THIS IS NOT A HORROR MOVIE THIS IS GREY'S ANATOMY. ADDITIONALLY, STEVE FUCKING MCPHERSON, PRESIDENT OF ABC, HOW DARE YOU DEFEND THIS IDIOCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE A MORON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would go on, but since relatively little screen time was given over to this crap this week, I think it's best not to rile myself up too much.

Two last points, before I go: more Callie and Mark time please. I would definitely watch a spin-off that featured these two, because I think their friendship is good and relatable. Second, did we really need to introduce a new doctor for this transplant storyline? It seems like there are plenty of other docs capable of performing transplants in the hospital that we have already seen. New doc is going to disappear at the end of this storyline anyway, so what was the point? Think about that while you read these quotes:

"You're wearing an alarmingly high ponytail." "You're mother is coming." --Mer and Der. Because those are on the same scale.

"Am I hallucinating, or is that a really high ponytail?"--Serial killer to Mer. It's bad when the SK notices it too.

"That ponytail.....looks ridiculous."--Cristina to Mer. Since Mer takes it out after this, we now know that Cristina's opinion is the only one that will ever matter to her ever.

"You, you're squirrelly. I don't trust you. I don't trust in this hospital and I certainly don't trust you with my patient of three years who's extremely important. If you want to stay on this case, you will stay out of my way, you will do what I tell you, nad if you have something to say to or about my patient you will raise your hand and wait to be called on."--Bailey to Sadie. Thank you for saying what we all think.

"Dr. Yang would you mind checking in some of my post ops, ERs, and traumas? Also would you like to go on a date with me?"--Dr. Major Hunt. Very efficient, I say.

"You sleep with me, you lunch with me. New rule."--Lexie to Sloan. Of course she gets to make the rules.

"Are you a good girl? I don't mean perfect, I mean relatively speaking."--Derek's mommy to Lexie.

"She's 24." "You have the emotional maturity of a horny 15 year old. You need young."--Sloan and Derek's mommy. Truer words were never spoken.

Clip of the Day: And So It Begins

2009-01-18T12:11:00.002-05:00

Because you must remember where you came from to understand where you're going:

Clip of the Day: "Because, You Have Work to Do"

2009-01-17T07:00:00.000-05:00

Because WTF?!!!!!:

Clip of the Day: System Failure

2009-01-16T07:00:00.000-05:00

Because I'd still like to know (1) why this happened and (2) what it means for the physics of the show:

Alert, Alert: No New Posts Today or Tomorrow

2009-01-15T09:06:00.002-05:00

I know I said I wouldn't leave you guys hanging again, which is why I'm telling you now: I'm going out of town this afternoon and won't be back until Saturday. Therefore I will not be able to post about Grey's (which may be good for my psyche), The Office, 30 Rock or the return of Friday Night Lights until Sunday. I apologize for the delay, but if the trip goes well I think I just might have some good news to share with all of you. Oh, and Clip of the Day should be set to go while I'm gone, so if you're looking for a LOST fix, check back here.

Um, Do We Really Need a Gossip Girl Spinoff?

2009-01-15T08:46:00.003-05:00

We all know I love me some GG. There are few others shows on TV that make me so unabashedly happy (LOST and Friday Night Lights fall in this category as well), so the fact that I think a spin-off is not the greatest idea in the world shocks even me.

The spin-off is supposedly going to be Lily's coming of age story out in California, and possibly potentially how she fell in love with Rufus, to which I say: LILY IS FROM CALIFORNIA? I'm sorry, I thought Grandma CeCe was East Coast old money, what with her house in the Hamptons and her penchant for gin. Additionally, are we really going to have another story about a California teenager trying to straddle two different world? Didn't that not work out so well for you, Josh Schwartz, the last time you tried it? Now I know that while this one is supposed to be set in the '80s, I smell a derivative premise. I'd much rather Schwartz and his partner Stephanie Savage stick with making GG all it can be, rather than diverting their efforts to a show no one asked for or really would like to see. Because when GG is good, we get things like this:

Clip of the Day: "They're All Dead"

2009-01-15T07:00:00.000-05:00

Because, well, I'm still not sure how the fuck they managed that, but then again I'm not sure I'm ready to either: