Gossip Girl: The More Things Change....

....the less I'm sure that I still like this show. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed this episode, but there are some things going on that make me feel like I'm watching a completely different show. I guess that's just a feature of these characters growing up, but it leaves me a little conflicted. Let's look at what worked:

The characters continuing to embrace jobs/careers/etc. Now seeing Nate and Vanessa take on more adult roles (Nate as the shady political advisor and Vanessa as the investigate reporter/general busybody), I stand by what I said last week: I'd watch a show where these characters are young adults with jobs and careers. Now I realize that pursuing that format might mean abandoning the Gossip Girl narrator conceit (at 23, who's really going to want to write a blog about these people?), but I think it might be well worth it. Careers will gives these kids something more to care about. I really do think they should consider pressing fast forward at the end of the season.

Blair and Serena's fighting. I'm going to be honest, I hated this argument for 3/4 of the episode. I hate it when Blair and Serena fight because its always over something stupid and they always make up in the end. Then Blair called Serena a whore and Serena pushed Blair into the cake. Ok, I'm a sucker for girlfights. And then Chuck had to go and get all wise and tell Serena that she and Blair needed to stop acting like children because one day they were going to drift apart for good. As if that wasn't enough, Blair went and told Serena the real issue was that Blair was growing up and Serena was just stuck, drifting from her family and dating a string of unfortunate men. Ouch. But also very, very true. It seems like this fight is going to last for a while, but I hope they make up in the end. And then they stop having stupid fights like this.

Dan didn't freak out about his girlfriend being prettier than him and making a joke about him on TV. Old Dan totally would have dumped her because she wasn't as real as him and he couldn't handle her "status." After seeing the interview, New Dan simply realized he forgot their anniversary. I think tonight's episode was the first time I didn't want to punch him, even though he and Olivia are nauseating together.

Blair befriending an escort in her search for a new BFF. That was just hilarious. Also, she's obviously an intellectual hooker with a name like Brandeis, instead of the more traditional Lexus or Mercedes.

Serena looking at a picture of herself in the paper and smiling. This was the opening shot and it was amazing. It was nice to see the show continue to point out that Serena is a vain, self-centered girl.

Now for the things I didn't like or just seemed plain stupid:

The whole Nate-is-losing-his-moral-compass plot. It made no sense and just seemed really out of character for him. This is a kid who turned his own dad in to the FBI. The only way this would have worked is if (1) it was very clear that he was out to get the Buckleys because of Bre's betrayal and (2) we had actual seen enough of their relationship to believe that he would care about said break-up. I'm glad to be done with it, but it just seemed dumb.

Vanessa making a documentary about Trip's campaign. Bitch, please. Vanessa HATES rich people and more specifically she HATES the Vanderbilts, because they stole Nate from her. Why would she agree to make a documentary about them? Maybe because she's trying to get closer to Nate again and insert herself into his life, because she's crazy and all up in people's business. I have to her credit for three things though: (1) making sure NY1 got the tape regardless of Nate's interference (2) not drinking any coffee throughout the entire episode and (3) not dressing up like a Disney character. I'll take my victories where I can get them.

The implication that Tripp will sleep with Serena. DUDE. You've just been elected to Congress after an election day scandal that almost cost you the race. Your wife is pretty cute. There is no need to be with Serena and the Boobs. I mean, don't get me wrong, if circumstances were different I might condone this. BUT YOU JUST GOT ELECTED. It's way too soon for the sex scandal. And Serena, SHAME ON YOU. You're totally playing into what Blair said. Don't be an idiot. There are plenty of other guys who want the Boobs. Let this one go.

Spelling Vanderbilt Van Der Bilt. Please, are we supposed to believe that anyone would actually spell Vanderbilt that way? Or that they might be part of some other Vanderbilt clan that spells it that way? Nuh-uh. I get that maybe the real life Vanderbilts didn't want their name used, but then the show should figure out how to avoid showing it. Spelling it this way is just stupid.

Jenny being sick. Unnecessary, didn't make any sense continuity wise, and just plain annoying. What's the matter, J, did throwing that sewing machine on the floor in your bedroom last week take it out of you? Or did all that face makeup you've been wearing clog your pores so the toxins can't get out? You suck at life.

So that's it for me. I will leave you with some quotes, but before I go, let me just tell you: THREESOME EPISODE IS NEXT WEEK. I repeat: THREESOME. NEXT WEEK.

"Make it happen. Clean up your mess or clean out your desk."--Casey.

"As much as I enjoy listening to my girlfriend talk to my ex-girlfriend about her fake boyfriend who is coincidentally my current girlfriend's ex...."--Dan. When you put it that way, Dan, you make it seem like this show is unrealistic.

"Ughh....please, I'm not friends with staff."--Blair to the Alpha New Headband, making sure that Alpha New Headband is a minion and nothing more.

'What about that Vanessa girl, didn't you know her in high school?" "I've never heard that name before. Now you can see yourself out."--Beta New Headband and Blair just before Blair dishonorably discharges her. (Random thought: Blair gets an Apprentice/Top Chef-esque reality show to find minions. Her dismissal catch phrase. "Please relinquish your headband. Dorota will see you out.")

"Miley Cyrus is already signed on to play the Elizabeth Shue role. They must have seen her on that pole at the TCAs."--Patrick to Serena about the Leaving Las Vegas remake. Now that sounds like a party in the USA if I've ever heard one.

"Well you didn't think they actually wanted to play 5 hours worth of board games with us, did you?"--Lily to Rufus about Dan and Olivia. Yes he did, Lil, and that's why you love him.

"He's bombed. He's worse than Paula Abdul during Hollywood Week."--Blair to Serena about Patrick. FUNNIEST LINE OF THE NIGHT.

'The polls are closed and Gossip Girl is calling this election...dirty."--GG

"Let me guess you want to go upstairs and see if two blondes make a right."--Serena to the Senator. Can I just say, I DO! I DO! I DO!

"Ladies, this is supposed to be a classy event not a sample sale at an outlet mall."--Chuck to Blair and Serena.

"The only prostitute here is you."-Blair to Serena just before Serena shoves her face into a cake. FUCKING. AMAZING.

"It is time for her to grow up." 'This from a girl who pushed her best friend into a cake."--Serena and Chuck

"Bartender, I'll have what she's having."--Tripp about Serena's drink. And she didn't even have to make sex noises to get him to do it.

Gossip Girl: Gimlets and Fights Make For A Good Halloween Night

Eh, yeah the title is a little cutesy. I apologize. This episode put me in a good mood, even though nothing particularly good happened. There weren't very many quotable quotes, and I'm starting to get sick of watching Blair and Chuck bicker then make up, but there were a lot of little things about this episode that I really, really liked, and that I liked ranting about. Let's dive in:

Chuck, Serena, and the Boobs as working adults. I've decided that I like seeing Chuck, Serena, and the Boobs have jobs, especially ones that they're so well suited for. Chuck loves to party, so of course he should own a club. Serena and the Boobs are fame whores, so of course they would be publicists. These are jobs they know how to do and they seem to be good at. I think I could watch a future version of this show that centered around some kind of event planning company run by these two, and I would probably like it. I want to see more of them in these kind of situations.

Gimlet. Perfect name for a club run by Chuck. To quote Liz Lemon, I want to go to there. Also, speakeasy-themed Halloween party? Total winner. Furthermore, speakeasy themed Halloween party getting broken up by the cops? Because Chuck planned it that way? Olympic fucking champion.

Hilary Duff. I know, I know, she's not that annoying, right? Who would have expected it? Not me. Although there is a chance that I find her less annoying now that we've gotten to see a few scenes from Endless Nights, Olivia's movie. Turns out vampires + soft core + period costumes = something I will watch and enjoy. No surprise there really given my obsession with True Blood. (Also, random thought: Michelle Forbes should guest star as Lily's sister or something. Wouldn't that be awesome?) Anyway, I'm also convinced that she makes Dan less annoying. I would actually like to see her stick around. Lord knows she's not getting much other work.

Lily and Rufus. They are so sweet together. I love that Lily paid to have children come trick or treat just to make Rufus happy. They are quickly becoming my favorite part of the show. Also, loved how Lily scolded Little J. Speaking of which.....

Things I didn't like:

The rise of Little J, the Dead-Eyed Queen of Constance. Little J: I hate, hate, hate, hate it when you make your power-drunk, I'm-the-Queen-bitches face. You look like you've shut your brain off. Also, show some emotion once in a while. It won't kill you, although it may aggravate that massive hangover you seem to walk around with all the time. Try some Tylenol and an orange juice. Also, you're a moron for betraying Eric to the New Headbands. That yogurt prank was cold. Honestly, don't you remember when you were a homeless fashion designer and Marissa Cooper's sister burned all your clothes? And Eric was still nice to you? YOU'RE AN IDIOT. Furthermore, if you're going to try to rid yourself of your old life by throwing away all those clothes you made for yourself and your sewing machine, you could at least, oh I don't know, TAKE THEM TO THE TRASH CHUTE. Throwing them in a giant pile on the floor for whichever maid is cleaning the van der Humphrey apartment these days doesn't really make it seem like you're trying. Maybe you were trying not to move too much again because of the massive hangover. Whatever, I'm starting to hate you once more. Bitch. Goodbye.

Bitchy Serena. When Serena and the Boobs get bitchy, they act like Little J, which means it seems like they're not acting at all. Her voice goes all wooden and she keeps her eyes half open. If Little J has a massive hangover, then Serena and the Boobs have popped a muscle relaxer or a valium. I would appreciate it if we could have Blair, Serena, and the Boobs make up relatively quickly, as I'm not interested in watching them fight if Serena is just going to imitate Mischa Barton, thank you. That being said, girl knows how to get her picture taken....that and date rich famous men. I give this new one two episodes.

Chuck and Blair fighting. Like Chuck said at the end of the episode, they work best when they are scheming against others. Let's start to see more of that next week.

Other things to note:

• Can someone tell me what Nate does all day? How does he time to constantly be downtown and in Brooklyn? Does he actually go to NYU and they forgot to tell us? Seriously?
• Where is Vanessa? She and Blair have some massive detente at the end of last week's episode, and this week she is nowhere to be seen. Bitch, please. And don't tell me she is off visiting her sister. We know she is in that coffeehouse drinking coffee and deciding which minority Disney character to dress up as next. My money is on Jasmine.
  
• Dorota and Vanya need more screen time. Love those two.
• There was a little girl dressed up as Lady GaGa for Halloween. I think we all need to be worried about the youth of America. Especially since the little girl planned 12 costume changes for the course of the night.
  

That's it from me. I'll leave you with the quotes:

"I told you I was sorry for my little transgression. Now either make me kiss a girl already or move on."--Blair to Chuck

"Seriously man, do you not get internet here in Brooklyn."--Nate to Dan. No, he doesn't. He also doesn't get clues in Brooklyn either.

"Fix it and in a timely fashion, or were all going as the Real Housewives of New Jersey for Halloween."--Jenny to the New Mean Girls. Two words, Little J: PROSTITUTION. WHORE.

"I'm sorry...apparently Chuck hasn't forgiven you."--Serena and the Boobs to Blair. Uh oh.

"A fight implies time and energy. This is more of an ongoing, detached distrust."--Chuck

"I love the photo of you. So flattering. Who can resist free gifts...and shiny wrappers."--Dan to Olivia, talking about condoms.

"Oooh hooo hoooo, I don't like the tickle."--Dorota about her pedicure.

"I don't know why he's blaming me, I can't control every girl at school." "Jenny, you and I both know that that's not true."--Jenny and Lily. Lily, have I said I liked you today?

"Tell those pathetic trick or treaters there's no pre-packaged joy here."--Blair

"Remember when you chose Chuck? Now I did too."--Blair to Serena and the Boobs. I smell a fight brewing.

"Blair you and I both know you'll never be completely trustworthy."--Chuck. Oh snap.

Gossip Girl: Vanessa Paints With All the Colors of the Wind, Including the Crazy Ones

Well, this week's episode didn't suck. I'm actually realized surprised that it didn't suck. Post-Georgina episodes in my opinion are usually a bit of a let down. Of course, we did have ANNA ESPINOZA in this episode, so maybe that's why it was somewhat good. (For those of you who don't now who Anna Espinoza is, click here for an overview.) Let's talk about what worked:

VANESSA WAS DRESSED LIKE POCAHONTAS. Normally, anything involving Vanessa is a negative. This time, not the case. The way she was dressed for the freshman toast instantly made me think of Disney's favorite Native American princess. Don't believe me, click here. Don't tell me you don't see the similarities. And don't tell me that you don't think she did it on purpose.

VANESSA'S MOTHER. Now I can understand why Vanessa loves coffee so much. She uses the constant rush of caffeine to simulate what she thinks a mother's love should feel like. Vanessa's mother is a little bit of bitch (again, not surprising because she's Anna Espinoza). She doesn't believe in private universities, or movies, or being nice and supportive. She's all I'm-hard-on-you-because-I-love-you-bitch to Vanessa. But seriously, she hates NYU? It's pretty frigging liberal. It's not like Vanessa went to Yale or something. You have to feel a little bad for her though when she overhears Vanessa say she wishes Lily and Rufus were her parents. That's harsh. I felt a little less bad when she stood Vanessa up at--where else--the coffee shop. No wants to see Vanessa cry. She makes ugly cry face.

Vanessa being manipulative. Because really did anyone expect it to not blow up in her face? She can't tell entirely different stories to Olivia and Dan and expect them not to discuss it. She knows how much Dan loves the sound of his own voice, he will speak, dammit.

Blair manipulating Chuck. Chuck actually really does love her, and he was legitimately upset that she tricked him into kissing that guy so she would get to deliver the Freshman Toast. Also, I'm going to make the painful joke: We found out Chuck kissed a boy before, and he liked it. (Groan...damn you Katy Perry and your incessantly popular lyrics.) This storyline also worked for me because I love manipulative Blair. She's so frenetic and full of life.

Olivia going all diva to freak out Lily and Rufus. (1) Hilary Duff does have some kind of personality (2) I think that actually made me like her more and (3) I appreciate any situation where someone tries to embarrass Dan. Tool.

Ok, now let's talk about what didn't work:

Serena, the Boobs, and Nate and the weird ass poker storyline. So there were a lot of things that annoyed me about this. (1) Nate thinking he knows anything about poker. (2) Serena thinking Nate knows anything about poker. (3) Serena thinking she knows anything about poker. About how halfway through the game after Serena lost the intial $25K, I wrote down: WHY WAS THIS EVER A GOOD IDEA?? (4) Carter's punishment? Working on an oil rig. Seriously? Seriously? (4) The weird dress Serena was wearing that distracted from the Boobs. (4) Nate playing Serena to endear himself to his family. No one, NO ONE, betrays the Boobs. (5) Serena lighting a bajillion candles in her room. That seems like a huge fire hazard. (6) Carter wanting to work on the oil rig to serve out his punishment. (7) Carter NOT WANTING TO SPEND ONE LAST NIGHT WITH SERENA AND THE BOOBS. Seriously, you're about to go onto an oil rig full of Texans who hate you and you don't want to spend the night with THE BOOBS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

The period opening. It was annoying, although Blair would have nightmares about Vanessa, since she represents everything Blair hates: an educated proletariat looking to overturn the social order.

Blair and Vanessa sitting together at the end of the episode. See above for one reason why this would never, ever, ever, EVER happen. No.

So in general, the episode was good, except for the gross misuse of Serena and the Boobs. I'm signing off for the evening, so I will leave you with some quotes.

"Don't worry, I have an idea."--Nate. FAMOUS. LAST. WORDS.

"I'm in no mood to her you fawn over some girl with tacky accessories who lives to recycle."--Blair to her minion about Vanessa. Blair, you forgot about the coffee.

"I would never put my fate is someone else's hands, which is why I win, and you lose."--Blair

"Ok, so do you have any non-insane reasons?"--Dan to Vanessa about why he shouldn't take Olivia to the freshman dinner. No, Dan, she doesn't. You've met her, right?

"My husband and I don't believe in private universities, knowledge should be free."--Vanessa's mother. I bet she's a fan of free health care too. That and communism.

"I'll go powder my nose for...10 minutes?" "I only need 5."--Blair and Chuck about how long it will take him to pick up Ellis.

"You think I'm upset because I never kissed a guy before? I'm upset because I kissed someone who wasn't you."--Chuck. Huzzah?

"Sophie, you're minion number one."--Blair to one of the minions while re-ranking them. At least her formula is easier to understand than the BCS.

"I love Rufus and Lily, and I wish they were my parents."--Vanessa, just as her mother walks in. Ouch.

"Lily you're supposed to say everything is going to be fine. Where did you learn how to give a pep talk, Guantanamo?"--Blair. So THAT's where Lily was. Mystery solved.

Gossip Girl: It's a Nice Day for a Bat Shit Crazy Wedding

I knew it, I knew it, I KNEW IT. It is impossible for a Gossip Girl episode to be bad when Georgina Sparks is present. I don't know how she does it. It's almost as if she has some kind of crazy magic that she dusts all over the other characters to make them interesting and do interesting things. Either that or she's somehow hypnotizing me with her crazy, making me think this show is good when it isn't. Eh, I don't care, perception is reality in my book. So many different things happened tonight, it's hard to keep them all straight. Let's start with what was good:

• Georgina fucking Sparks. I dare any of you to tell me she wasn't the best thing about this episode. From her ridiculous ploy to get Dan to dump Olivia by blackmailing Vanessa (she's dating Orlando Bloom! She's pregnant! The gesturing was priceless) to her nonchalant reveal of the lovechild to Lily and Rufus, Georgina just exuded an air of "Yeah, I'm bat shit crazy, what of it?" And it worked, amazingly well. I think it's hilarious that she's obsessed with Dan, because only a girl like her would be. We don't see The Boobs fawning all over his lame ass anymore. Also, love the fact that she's getting whisked off to Belarus as part of Blair's revenge against her for ruining the wedding. I can't wait to hear the stories she'll bring back.
• Lily and Rufus got married! Honestly, I've loved Lily and Rufus as a couple ever since she walked into his gallery and asked him why Dan was going on a date with Serena all the way back in Season 1. They have good chemistry, they have history, and they have real love. It makes me happy to see them get their happy ending (no not that kind of happy ending), even if it will be messy and flawed, because, hey, that's the way life works. Also, the fact that Lily didn't even try to wear a white dress at this wedding (which by my count is her 5th or 6th) makes me love her all the more.
• Blair and Serena: Wedding Planners. Those girls threw that wedding together quick. I'm sensing a business opportunity here, especially if they can continue to use Jenny's minions, or "new Mean Girls" as Serena calls them, as slaves, I mean, helpers.
• Vanessa getting what she deserves. The thing she deserves being not attending the actual wedding at the apartment, the one time when it would be acceptable for her to be all up in everybody's business. Serves her right. I still don't understand why she wasn't there, but I'm not going to complain. I bet she was getting coffee, because she hadn't had a cup in like 30 minutes.
  
• Dan thinking Vanessa was in love with him. Because (1) he would, the douche, and (2) she totally is and this will be a plot point at some point in the future.
  
• Blair hating on Bre. Because no one takes Queen B's property. No one.
• The Boobs. Do you even have to ask at this point?
  

Now for what was bad:

• Lovechild appears and disappears faster than you can say "Georgina is crazy." Seriously, we bring the lovechild back as a plot point and then just have him go back off to Boston? That quick? Really? I'm glad Lily was mean to him, he deserves it. At least we don't have to look at his creepy face anymore. Creeper.
  
• Eric and Jenny acting creepy. I guess having their creeper brother around brought out the worst in these two. "He has my nose." "Those are my eyebrows." "Do you like board games?" Say hello the new Wednesday and Pugsley Addams everyone. Creepers.
• Bre and Carter. Because I find them both useless. Ughh, I'm actually kind of happy Bre and Nate broke up, because they were boring and annoying all at the same time. And Carter deserves to get the shit kicked out of him, mostly for never wearing a belt though.
  
• Saying goodbye to Georgina. Because I love her. Here's hoping Mercy gets cancelled and she comes back.
• Sonic Youth. They were creepy looking and freaked me out.
  

And now it's time for quotes, which there are quite a few of, since Georgina's presence made the dialogue that much snappier:

"The toilets in Tokyo talk."--Dan. Please shut the fuck up, Dan, no one cares.

"Trust me, Nate, I know women, and none of them are that nice."--Blair to Nate. Truer words never spoken.

"Why won't he respond to any of my calls, my texts, or my animated e-cards?"--Georgina. Because you're scary, G.

"Get Dan to dump the whore, or I'm going to tell the whole world Scott's secret."--Georgina.

"Some say love is a secret you keep sealed, but to Georgina Sparks, love is always a battlefield."--Gossip Girl. Hah. There were a lot of musical

"Well that was just pathetic. Haven't you ever tried to get someone to dump a celebrity before?"--Georgina to Vanessa

"Why would I tell that future NASCAR mom anything? I hate her and the tractor she rode in on."--Blair. Love her.

"I'm not in love with you, you moron. Georgina's been blackmailing me."--Vanessa to Dan. Because, Dan, no who gets to know you well could possibly love you.

"The only time I want to here 'no' is if Ruth Madoff wants an invite."--Blair. Like I said, I smell a business.

"My family's in investment banking. They're all broke."--One of Jenny's minions.

"What does it mean when someone used to grab your ass but doesn't? It means that someone is a big fat liar."--Georgina. Perceptive, G.

"I nearly choked, she shoved her tongue right down my throat."--Dan. That's because she was trying to suck out your soul.

"Your lovechild. Yeah, not dead. Congratulations, it's a boy."--Georgina to Rufus and Lily. AMAZING.

All in all tonight was a great, great episode, music included. I hope things don't go downhill next week without Georgina, although the preview (the Boobs play poker!) looks promising.

Gossip Girl Season Premiere: How Serena's Boobs Spent Their Summer

Finally we've gotten the answer to the question we've all been wondering about all summer: Where did Serena's boobs go when they got into the limo with Carter Baizen at the end of last season? Well according the photos, the boobs have been everywhere. They've been to Europe, they've been to Asia, they've been to see Cristiano Ronaldo, and now they're back home in NY, where they're being prominently displayed for all the world to see. They're even being used as a ploy to help the rest of Serena escape from Carter. I kid you not, the rest of Serena willingly undid her dress to try to put the boobs on display, while Serena's voice shouted "Oh no!" in a very fake way to try to get the attention of some cameramen. If this were another network, say HBO, I think we would have all died and gone to heaven, because we would have gotten to see the boobs. Oh well. Later, at a polo match, Serena wore a dress which accentuated the boobs' tan and threw around balls (which Rufus says will make her mother proud. Oh I'll bet it will, like mother like daughter after all, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.) Then Serena jumped on horse and rode away, which made the boobs dance. Life is good for the boobs. Now for the rest of Serena, things aren't going so great. She spent the summer getting her picture taken everywhere possible to try to get the attention of her apparently-on-the-run father, who we will simply call Mr. Van der Woodsen, but apparently Papa VDW didn't want to see her. Now Serena's got a big case of the "Daddy didn't love me"s, so she's still desperately trying to get his attention. And she's "making out" with Carter. Yeah. Boobs.

Meanwhile, Chuck and Blair are playing some kind of game which ends in Blair belittling and innocent girl and them having hot, angry sex, or so I assume. (Note: I spent a fair bit of time trying to come up with an appropriate pop culture reference for Chuck and Blair's antics, so prize to the person who comes up with one.) S plants seeds of doubt in B's head about whether or not this arrangement is sustainable, so B spends the rest of the hour being suspicious of Chuck, especially when he says he's fine with stopping their fun. Accordingly, I spend the rest of the hour being alternately bored and nauseated by their cutesy interactions. Honestly, they need to get a spark or else watching them interact is quickly going to feel like watching paint dry. Please give them a long-term enemy to scheme against, ASAP.

Dan and Jenny have quickly taken to living on the UES. Dan now has a fancy-pants wallet to hold his hundred dollar bills ("They're impossible to break," he whined. Ughh. Hate him, and his "I'm an English major, it's supposed to look unkempt" hair.) Little J is still trying to recover from Mullet-gate '08, but it doesn't look like she's made much progress, so instead she's spent her summer stalking the Barefoot Contessa. (Poor Ina, she deserves better.) While Lily is out of town tending to her sick mother (or having her estranged husband's baby, depending on which newspapers you read), Rufus is doing the best he can to take care of the children, which on this show is about as easy as herding cats. Once you've think you've got them all squared away, Serena's boobs just decide to pop out of her dress. Anyway, Rufus is none too pleased with the boobs' escapades, but after she promises him there is a point to her behavior, he lets it slide. It's nice to see him backing away from his stringent-to-a-fault parenting tactics from last season. Either that or he got distracted by the boobs while scolding Serena. Take your pick.

Vanessa is, unfortunately, still Vanessa: a busy-body with no purpose except to drink coffee, make other people feel bad about not being poor, and wear weird clothes that make her look like Pocahontas (thank you for that one, Laura. Just go rewatch the polo match to see what I'm talking about.) In addition, Vanessa is now dating Lilfus' LOVECHILD, which is creepy, since he's only using her to get closer to his bio-parents. I'm really hoping that one day, Vanessa is just going to snap and go completely bat shit on everyone, because until then she will be absolutely boring, not to mention painfully annoying, to watch.

As for Nate, he's playing out his own private version of Romeo and Juliet with the daughter of a rival political family (played by the very beautiful Joanna Garcia.) I cannot figure out yet whether he is the Montague or the Capulet in this story. I'd love your opinions.

And so to summarize: Serena's boobs = GOOD, Chuck and Blair = BAD, The Humphreys movin' on up to the East Side = GOOD (for them), Vanessa still existing = BAD, Nate's love story = PROMISING, Lily's disappearance = SILLY.

For me, this season is really going to hinge on two the things: the boobs. Based on tonight's episode, I'd say we're off to a good start. ;)

As is my custom, I will leave you with some quotes:

"Ok, you're crazy."--Blond slut from the beginning of the episode to Blair. That's the understatement of the year.

"You're missing the key detail: sleeping with the enemy is hot."-Chuck Bass to Nate. Truer words were never spoken.

"I know what you did this summer, and who. Cristiano Reynaldo."--B to S and the boobs. Soccer players are a step up for S, no?

"I see the cat's out of the bag." "And topless on Valentino's yacht."--Dan and Rufus, about pictures of the boobs, and Serena, but mostly the boobs.

"Chuck, none of these girls are even worth humiliating, looking in the mirror will do that for them." --B about some models. There's my girl!

Oh, one more thing: BOOBS. Good night!