Grey's Anatomy: Every Time I Think I'm Out, It Pulls Me Back In

Let me say this upfront: I fucking hate this show. I do not when it happened, I do not know how it happened, but watching this show causes me physical pain. I cannot stand it. Let me expound on the things I hated this week:

• I hate the Chief. I HATE him. He has turned into a giant, giant asshole. I don't even recognize this man anymore. He is in love with power and in love with himself. This merger will not be good for the hospital. Where is Adele? Why isn't she talking him out of this madness?
  
• I hate the Mercy West doctors. I hate that impish little one who used to be on Heroes. I hate that brownnose bitch. I hate the guy who exploited Izzie (even if I hate her, I still consider her one of my own, and will attack anyone who attacks her). I hate their ugly orange scrubs. (This is a hospital, not a hazmat area). I hate that fact that I have to learn a whole new set of character names. They fucking suck.
  
• I hate that they put Ellen Pompeo in a bed. It was starting to get fun guessing the things they would hide her behind so we don't see her pregnant belly. The bed is a cop out (although I'm glad Meredith did donate the piece of liver to Thatcher).
  
• I hate that they're trying to cram too much story into one episode. Let's take Callie's storyline, for example. Her dad shows up with a priest to try to get her to go straight again, and she freaks out. Arizona convinces her to talk to him again, and we get a really great scene of them quoting the Bible at each other to prove their points. We also get a scene of Arizona talking to Callie's dad where we learn she comes from a military family and they have a quiet moment of bonding. This story would have been enough to carry an episode, but it was overshadowed by those damn doctors in hazmat suits.
  

I think the thing I hate most about this show, though, is that when I'm about to write it off, it fucking has to go and make me care again. First, Cristina has an epic breakdown in Mer's hospital room where she freaks out about the fact that her career is going nowhere. When Cristina cries, I listen. Sandra Oh, you are a fantastic actress and you deserve an Emmy for what you did in this episode in the worst way possible. The crying, the brutal honesty, the halting speech. Now that is what I call dramatic acting. It kills me, KILLS ME, to see Cristina, fierce, fiery, force of nature Cristina reduced to tears, to a shell of herself.

The good stuff didn't stop there though. Nope, because THIS happened:



I have said terrible, horrible things about Izzie Stevens. I have wished death on her character repeatedly. I have called her bat-shit crazy, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and bat-shit crazy.
I've gotta tell you though, this broke my heart. She didn't deserve to go out like that. Not after Alex fried a guy's brain back in season 1, not after Cristina lied and lied and lied for Burke, fuck not even after she didn't get fired for cutting the fucking LVAD wire back in Season 2. She's got CANCER and she's still doing her job. She made a mistake, but a mistake no worse than any of the others have before. Everything about this scene worked: the way Izzie's eyes and only her eyes change when she realizes what is about to happen, the way the Chief shuts down on her and goes into his drone "it's budget not performance" speech, and they way she goes all quiet and says meekly "Please don't do this to me. Please don't take this away from me, I don't have anything left. Please." Izzie may still be a crazy bitch, but if you don't feel for her there, you're made of stone.

And it didn't even stop there. In the final scene, Alex goes into Mer's hospital room, where she and Cristina are lying in bed, and tells them while hovering near the door, that Izzie has left him. He's on the verge of tears the entire time, but when Meredith commands Cristina to hug him, he recoils as she approaches. The episode ends there. And then there were three.

So to conclude, fuck you Grey's Anatomy and fuck you Shonda Rhimes, because you now have me invested in this show yet again when I desperately, desperately do not want to be.


I will leave with you some of the better quotes of the night:

"You will never measure up to the people we've lost."--Izzie to the toolish Mercy West attending, referring to George

"I miss Burke. I miss him all day."--Cristina. WOAH.

"She's not a vegetarian, is she? I don't know how much more of this I can take."--Callie's father to Callie about Arizona.

Grey's Anatomy, The Office, and Community Recaps: Doing These All Together to Save Myself Time

So I'm only getting around to these three now (it was a busy weekend) and I don't have too much to say about each, so let's just take them in turn:

Grey's Anatomy: Really, after that episode what is there left to say? Let's use the characters own words, shall we? To tee this up, this exchange occurs after Izzie runs away from George's grave during the funeral and Alex, Meredith, and Cristina follow. Turns out, Izzie is laughing, not crying:

Izzie (still guffawing): George is dead. He's dead. They're about to put him in the ground, and the priest is doing classic rock lyrics, and that girl, that redhead, is crying harder than his mother. Cristina: You are far more twisted than I ever realized.
Izzie, to Meredith: And you got married on a Post-It!
Meredith: I got married on a Post-It, I did.
Cristina, to Izzie and Alex: And you guys got married for real?!
Izzie: And I got cancer? What?

The fact that these characters have acknowledged just how ridiculous this show has become only makes me even more angry. I get that this might be how they're coping with George's death, and I get that T.R. Knight has to leave, and I get that we need to deal with all the weird shit that's happened to move forward, but honestly, I just don't give a fuck anymore. Because Izzie's cancer has only made her more shrill and preachy (I know the red head deserved to get yelled at, but it should have come from Cristina, it would have been more believable and effective.) Because now they need to hide Ellen Pompeo behind things because of her pregnancy. Because the Chief has become a complete and utter tool. Because, because, because, ughhh I don't care.

There were some good things: Owen and Cristina's relationship (their scenes with the shrink--yay Amy Madigan!--were fantastic), Dr. Bailey going ice queen (GIVE CHANDRA WILSON AN EMMY!), the fact that Meredith and Derek seem happy, but those will do little to help reform my attachment. I may continue watching to see how this merger storyline plays out, but don't expect me to write much more about it. Ughh.

The Office: Now this was the episode we deserved last week, not that stinking piece of crap we got instead. The main plot was actually funny and really engaging (Michael fearing for his job and screwing Jim over in the process), the side plots were funny too (Pam getting RSVPs for her wedding and Dwight and Toby investigating Darryl), and it set up a great tension for the next few episodes (Michael and Jim being co-managers of the branch). Also, Dwight's reaction to the news was just priceless: I finally understand what that painting The Scream is all about.

Community: Very funny second outing. The pacing has settled down and the characters are really falling into their roles nicely. Ken Jeong has made a nice addition as the crazy Spanish teacher, and I really enjoyed Jeff and Pierce's presentation prep and subsequent disaster of a presentation. Also, how ridiculous was the protest for Guatemala? Did you catch the students protesting were chanting "We hate Guatemala?" Hilarious. This is my second favorite new show. Definitely.

Emmy Breakdown: Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama

So it took me a while to get to this post, and I'm wondering now if it's because subconsciously this is the race I care least about. I think it might be. Let's dive in, shall we? And the nominees are:

• Rose Byrne as Ellen Parsons, Damages
  
• Hope Davis as Mia, In Treatment
  
• Cherry Jones as President Allison Taylor, 24
  
• Sandra Oh as Dr. Cristina Yang, Grey's Anatomy
  
• Dianne Wiest as Dr. Gina Toll, In Treatment
  
• Chandra Wilson as Dr. Miranda Bailey, Grey's Anatomy
  

This is the 5th nomination for Oh, the 4th nomination for Wilson, and the first nomination for the rest in their current roles. So I'm going to be honest here, I don't watch 24 or In Treatment so I'm not going to be able to comment on the performances of those actresses. I remember Davis briefly from Six Degrees and thought she was fine. I saw Cherry Jones play Sr. Aloysius in Doubt (which she won a Tony for, BTW), so I know she can act. And as for Wiest, I always remember her as the evil Queen from the NBC miniseries The 10th Kingdom, so it's hard for me to take her seriously, although I know she's a wonderful actress.

Now as for the other three, we all know I fucking love Damages, but the only reason Byrne is nominated is because the Glenn Close-halo effect forced her up her game as an actress, which is good, but she's not quite all the way there yet. I love, love her though and think she has great potential for next year. Now as for the Grey's ladies, some of are you are not going to agree with what I have to say, and others are going to be in utter disbelief given some comments I made about a certain plot line in the past, but, in all honestly, if anyone from Grey's deserves to win this year, it's Katherine Heigl. I know she's not nominated, but she sold the crap out of a storyline that went from ludicrous to heart wrenching and ludicrous, and was totally deserving of recognition, regardless of how people feel about her personality and comments she's made about the running of the show. Putting that opinion aside, Oh's storyline this season left me a little cold (aside from the episode where she dealt with being choked by Dr. Major Hunt), while Wilson's was also heart wrenching albeit in a different way. Watching her deal with the demise of her marriage was the most realistic plot on an increasingly absurd show, and Chandra Wilson really does deserve an award after all these years for creating a very complex character who I unequivocally love. So....

Who Should Win: Chandra Wilson
Who Will Win: Damned if I know

Check back tomorrow for my take on the Lead Actor - Drama race.

BREAKING NEWS: Katherine Heigl Takes a Hiatus from Grey's

So I'm starting to believe in the power of my crazy Grey's rant......you know, the one I mentioned the other day. The first time I posted it, they almost killed Izzie off Grey's. Then I posted it again yesterday, and today I find out Katherine Heigl is taking a five-episode hiatus from the show to go film a movie. I'm very curious to see what happens if I post it again in the future. Maybe Shonda Rhimes will shave her head and attack a car with an umbrella? Or maybe Meredith will get knocked unconscious and have a dream about all the Grey's characters sent back in time to the 60s where they all dress and act very Mad Men-esque? I'm not sure, but I know I'm probably not going to be looking forward to these Heigl-less episodes. Izzie may be bat shit crazy, but at least she gives us something to talk about. Grey's without her will probably be kind of boring. I wonder how they'll explain her absence. My fearless prediction: People stop paying attention to Izzie, so she goes on a rampage and takes Cristina hostage, which requires a SWAT team to descend on the hospital. Once they capture her, they send her off to a sanitarium to calm down. It would be the perfect sweeps plot, don't you think?

Your Fall Television Primer: The Veterans

Aaahh, September, my favorite month of the year. I love September for many reasons: the weather starts to turn crisp, football returns, my birthday happens, and, by far most importantly, THE NEW TELEVISION SEASON BEGINS! That's right, boys and girls, the new season is practically upon us, so I've decided to lay out in chronological order when our favorites return:

August 16th (i.e., two week ago-ish): MAD MEN, 10 p.m. Sundays, AMC
Ok, so I was a little late to the Mad Men party, only having just discovered it this summer, but I can tell you I'm completely enamored of this show. After two seasons, I still do not understand these characters, but I mean that in a good way. Mad Men is the perfect way to spend a Sunday night.

September 14th: GOSSIP GIRL, 9 p.m. Mondays, The CW
I can't wait to find out what Chuck, Blair, and Serena's boobs have been up to all summer. I wonder if Little J still has that mullet. Or if Dan is still a tool. I'd ask if Vanessa is still a weird stalker, but I know that's true, since I've seen her peeping through my windows. Or maybe that was just a nightmare. In any case, I'm thankful that this moved to 9 p.m. so I can now watch HIMYM in real time.

September 17th: THE OFFICE, 9 p.m. Thursdays, NBC
JIM AND PAM ARE HAVING A BABY. Oh, I'm sorry, did you want a spoiler warning for that one? Well eff you, I don't care. I'm going to scream that one from the hill tops, because I AM SO EXCITED FOR THOSE TWO. (Yes, I'm really that excited.) I'm hoping The Office can rebound a bit this season since last year was a bit uneven. Thankfully they're not starting with those hour-long episodes again, so we should be ok.

September 21st: HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, 8 p.m. Mondays, CBS
So if you know me personally, you may have heard me talk about a little show called How I Met Your Mother, and you may have heard me bring it up in conversation every chance I got, and you may have heard me go on and on and on and on about it. If you weren't so lucky, let me just tell you now, that if there were only one show you were going to watch this fall, How I Met Your Mother (or HIMYM as I affectionately refer to it) should be that show. HIMYM is Friends for the Millenial generation except funnier and more relevant and more realistic and more absurd all at the same time. I cannot wait to see Barney and Ted and Robin and Marshall and Lily again, and more importantly, I CANNOT WAIT TO MAYBE GET A GLIMPSE OF THE MOTHER. That's right, THE MOTHER is in the offing (that's not a sexual thing) and she'll always be just around the corner this year. It's going to be fantastic, and I cannot wait.

September 24th: GREY'S ANATOMY, 9 p.m. Thursdays, ABC
So, regular readers of this blog know that I have a love-hate relationship with Grey's Anatomy in that I love to hate on it (for a great example, click here), but at the same time I cannot imagine not watching it. I was very happy to see Derek and Meredith take the leap at the end of last season, and very, very conflicted about Izzie's potential death. I'm very curious to see how the show deals with T.R. Knight's departure. I'm anticipating a bunch of gloomy episodes early on in the season, but hopefully that won't last for too long, because as much as I once liked George, I don't like my Grey's all dark and twisty.

October 15th: 30 ROCK, 9:30 p.m. Thursdays, NBC
30 Rock is fucking funny. Enough said. I shouldn't have to give you another reason to watch, but there are some of you out there who I know might need one AND I know would like this spoiler, so I'll give it to you (it comes from Ausiello over at EW.com):

Question: What’s in store for Jane Krakwoski’s Jenna on 30 Rock this season? —Kimberly

Ausiello: Her career will literally start sucking when she lands the female lead in a second-rate Twilight franchise. “For tax reasons, they shoot it in Iceland and then they realize the sun doesn’t set,” explains exec producer Robert Carlock. “So they’re shooting a vampire movie without having light.” Genius.

October 28th: FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, Wednesdays (if you're lucky enough to have DirecTV or know of sites where you can watch it online the next day)
Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. This show is a winner in every sense of the word (except for that one sense where the dumb Academy of Television Arts and Sciences finally honors with a Best Drama Emmy, because alas that has not come to pass). When we last left our hearts in Dillon, Texas, Smash and Jason had left town to live their dreams, Lyla, Tyra, Tim, Matt, and Landry were all about to follow them there, and poor wonderful Coach Taylor had been banished from the hallowed halls of the Panthers locker room to coach (gasp) the football team at the recently reopened East Dillon High. I cannot wait to watch the East Dillon Lions kick the ever loving shit out of the Panthers next season. It's going to be amazing.

Other returning shows:

• Sept 8: 90210 (8 p.m., The CW). Same zip code, (relatively) same crappy cast, still won't be watching.
• Sept 9: So You Think You Can Dance (8 p.m., FOX). So I think this was just on, no? Another season already? Fox is getting des-perate.
• Sept 17: Fringe (9 p.m., Fox). This show was a victim to my busy TV watching last season, and will be again this year. If you finally give up on Grey's, make room for this show.
• Sept 21: Heroes (9 p.m., NBC). If you watch this show, it will stay on the air, which would be bad, since it is TERRIBLE. If you don't watch however, NBC will expand Jay Leno to two hours on Mondays, thus furthering his plot to take over the world. Either way, we're fucked.
  
• Sept 24: The Mentalist (10 p.m., CBS). This is one show I loved last season that I did not watch enough of. Perhaps the new timeslot will change that.
• Sept 27: Family Guy (9 p.m., Fox). Cannot wait for this show, although I really wish they would just air the "Something, Something, Something, Dark Side" episode already.
• Sept 27: Desperate Housewives (9 p.m., ABC). This show no longer makes the cut. I find the characters annoying. Do you?
• Sept 27: Brothers & Sisters (10 p.m., ABC). Now that the adventures of those wacky Walkers air at the same time as Mad Men, I'm going to be DVRing this one for a while.
  
• Oct 1: Private Practice (10 p.m., ABC). Please do not watch this show. If it gets cancelled, Kate Walsh (i.e., ADDISON) goes back to Grey's. Wouldn't that be nice?

Check back Thursday for an overview of the new shows I may pick up this season. Until then, you should be catching up on old TV and clearing out your DVRs. Remember, an organized DVR is a happy DVR.

"Look, Alone People Don't Like Hearing About the Together People"

Because they just don't, unless it involves potential porno plotlines, like lesbians in a bathroom:

OUCH

Because this is every man's worst nightmare:

I Thought I Warned You, Shonda Rhimes, I Thought I Warned You

So first off, let me say that I thoroughly enjoyed (with a few exceptions that I will get to later) this episode. I'm very pleased with the developments in the Mer/Der, Cristina/Dr. Major Hunt, and Slexie relationships, as well as the screen time and plot devoted to Dr. Bailey. There is one thing I did not enjoy, but since there was far less of it this week than last, I will consider that a small victory. So diving in:

Let's start with the Mer/Der plot, since I found this one by far the most enjoyable. Derek's mommy was coming to Seattle, and of course Mer was freaking out, since as she said a very long time ago, "We don't do well with mothers here." (Really not a surprise what with the tequila, and the sleeping with inappropriate men/women, and the self-destructive tendencies. It's amazing that no one has tried to create a reality show about the interns and residents of Seattle Grace.) Apparently Mer's trying to get ready to meet the Mommy involves her sitting in a chair, drinking (of course), and letting She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (I'm abandoning the other name I've given her until certain elements of her storyline are resolved) do the cleaning and the prepping, because mother's love people like She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, to which I say, yeah sure they do, because they put on that one, seemingly normal, happy, beautiful face to the public and then have another, super psycho, "It puts the lotion on because it's told to" face just for you which no one will ever believe is true and thus keeps you trapped forever and ever in your own personal hell until you become more crazy than she is.

I'm digressing. Back to Derek's Mommy, played by Tyne Daly, who is really pretty awesome. I loved the way she was able to get to everyone in the way that only a mother can. Also, totally loved her interactions with Sloan and Lexie. Mark really is like another one of her kids (which is the only explanation for why she still speaks to him after breaking up her son's marriage), and the way she grilled Lexie is totally something a mother would do. Also, Mom if by some chance you've found this blog and are reading it, please don't ask whatever girl I bring home to meet you how many sexual partners she's had, ok? Thanks. Anyway, Mer thinks the best way to impress Derek's Mommy is to act like the opposite of herself, which means smiling and wearing a ponytail. But given all of the drama surrounding Serial Killer, Mer decides to come clean and tell Derek's Mommy how crazy she is. Which apparently Mommy totally approves of, as evidenced by her giving Derek the family ring to give to Meredith, because Derek needs her since he "sees things in black and white, and Meredith doesn't." Thank god, Mommy didn't say shades of Grey, because that really, really would have been too much and I was totally waiting for it. I will say though that this sudden appearance of a ring during a plotline where Mer and Der are disagreeing a bit scares me, since their history would suggest that they will break up again soon because of it. I hope I'm wrong, but keep your eyes open for suspiciousness surrounding this ring, ok?

Moving on to Dr. Major Hunt and Yang, I'm really liking where this is going. Hunt is a big old mess (he hasn't been on a date since before he went to Iraq) and Cristina needs someone who will not expect her to be perfect, like Burke did. I also think having Hunt around will accelerate her detente with Meredith, since Cristina spoke to her for the first time since last week's "You're not a natural surgeon, BITCH" comment. I thought that scene at the end in the shower was touching, but I can't help but wonder how much longer Cristina will go on with this without sex. I'm just saying, we know how she can get.

As for Slexie, I have a couple of questions (most to do with Lexie). (1) When did she move into Meredith's attic? Did I miss that? (2) Are she and Meredith on speaking terms now? Lex was standing with Mer when She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was giving her advice. Can someone please tell me if I missed something? (3) If Mark doesn't want anyone to find out that they're sleeping together, why would he go to the house where EVERYONE ELSE HE KNOWS lives? Actually, scratch that, we all know why he went there. I'm looking forward to when this relationship comes out into the open, since I think Derek's Mommy was right and that she's a good match for him.

Now as for Bailey and the medical plots, I'm gonna say I'm a little worried about her. She seems to be losing it because of this patient, which also seems a little weird, because don't we all remember the speeches she gave She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named over and over and over and over and over and over again about not getting emotionally involved with patients? This seems a little bit like a case of the scalpel calling the clamps a surgical instrument, don't you think? I'm willing to put those feelings aside, though, because perhaps this will be the plot that finally, finally will get her the Emmy she deserves. Also, I'm really interested to see how the Serial Killer wanting to give up his organs for the kid plays out, since the the previews for next week make it look like not well.

Ok, so it's time for my weekly rant. Here we go:
HE'S STILL FUCKING HERE. AND MAKING JOKES ABOUT WHY IT'S GOOD TO DATE A DEAD GUY. THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR TWO FUCKING MONTHS NOW, AND SHE STILL HASN'T SEEN A SHRINK. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU ARE A DOCTOR AND YOU SHOULD THAT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FUCKING INSANE. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE YOU. ALEX WANTS TO TAKE YOU TO MEET HIS MOTHER. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. ALSO, DENNY, FUCKING DEAD AS A DOORNAIL DOUCHEBAG DENNY, SHE FUCKING BROKE UP WITH YOU, PLEASE FUCKING DISAPPEAR. BUT YOU WON'T, BECAUSE YOU'RE SOME FUCKING CREEPY DEAD STALKER. THIS IS NOT A HORROR MOVIE THIS IS GREY'S ANATOMY. ADDITIONALLY, STEVE FUCKING MCPHERSON, PRESIDENT OF ABC, HOW DARE YOU DEFEND THIS IDIOCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE A MORON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would go on, but since relatively little screen time was given over to this crap this week, I think it's best not to rile myself up too much.

Two last points, before I go: more Callie and Mark time please. I would definitely watch a spin-off that featured these two, because I think their friendship is good and relatable. Second, did we really need to introduce a new doctor for this transplant storyline? It seems like there are plenty of other docs capable of performing transplants in the hospital that we have already seen. New doc is going to disappear at the end of this storyline anyway, so what was the point? Think about that while you read these quotes:



"You're wearing an alarmingly high ponytail." "You're mother is coming." --Mer and Der. Because those are on the same scale.

"Am I hallucinating, or is that a really high ponytail?"--Serial killer to Mer. It's bad when the SK notices it too.

"That ponytail.....looks ridiculous."--Cristina to Mer. Since Mer takes it out after this, we now know that Cristina's opinion is the only one that will ever matter to her ever.

"You, you're squirrelly. I don't trust you. I don't trust in this hospital and I certainly don't trust you with my patient of three years who's extremely important. If you want to stay on this case, you will stay out of my way, you will do what I tell you, nad if you have something to say to or about my patient you will raise your hand and wait to be called on."--Bailey to Sadie. Thank you for saying what we all think.

"Dr. Yang would you mind checking in some of my post ops, ERs, and traumas? Also would you like to go on a date with me?"--Dr. Major Hunt. Very efficient, I say.

"You sleep with me, you lunch with me. New rule."--Lexie to Sloan. Of course she gets to make the rules.

"Are you a good girl? I don't mean perfect, I mean relatively speaking."--Derek's mommy to Lexie.

"She's 24." "You have the emotional maturity of a horny 15 year old. You need young."--Sloan and Derek's mommy. Truer words were never spoken.

Seriously, ANOTHER guest doctor?

So Michael Ausiello of EW.com is reporting that Faye Dunaway will guest star in an episode of Grey's Anatomy later this season. Supposedly she'll play a famous doc from another part of the hospital who crosses paths with our favorite surgeons. Besides the fact that this will continue the seemingly endless parade of guest docs (which seriously fucking needs to stop before I have a coronary which will require me to be admitted at Seattle Grace where I'll probably get worked on by one of these freaks), are we really supposed to believe the FAYE FUCKING DUNAWAY has been hiding in a corner of the hospital unseen for all these years. I'm sorry Shonda Rhimes, but have you ever seen anything that Faye Dunaway has ever been in ever? The woman is larger than life. If she's been working at Seattle Grace we would know it. Also, only one episode? That's ridiculous. If you're gonna get someone like Faye Dunaway, at least get her for a couple of episodes, especially if you're not going to make her a patient (which I think would have worked much, much better). I think this is yet another example of how this show is continuing to spiral into oblivion. I really wish I could stop watching this show, maybe this will be the thing that puts me over the edge, unless of course Faye Dunaway goes bat-shit and kills Izzie. That would be awesome. And for those of you who have no idea who Faye Dunaway is, I think the following clip says it all, and being "Bitch is C-R-A-Z-Y":

I Cannot Abide This Idiocy Any Longer

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way—in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."--Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

Why did I start with Dickens, you ask? Because I think it's the only apt comparison for what I just experienced. I watched two different shows tonight. One was about these four doctors who have semi-interesting personal lives and personalities who were forced to treat a serial killer and deal with what that meant for each of them and how it affected their relationships. It was fairly interesting and fairly serious and pretty compelling TV I thought. That show's B-plot, while a little too light hearted, dealt with two of their colleagues who were resisting the urge to sleep with younger colleagues because they know it's inappropriate. These two doctors make a great on-screen pair and I'm really liking the way in which their friendship is developing. Also pretty compelling stuff, albeit in a much different way. All in all, the first show was very good.

The second show, on the other hand, was complete and utter drivel. The second show was about a BAT SHIT CRAZY (emphasis on the "BAT," "SHIT," and "CRAZY"), narcissistic, self-centered, bimbo blonde surgeon, and the love triangle she's "trapped" in with her dead fiancee and her new boyfriend, who's had his own shit to deal with in the past and for some ungoldy reason still seems to love her. I know you're asking, "How can her fiancee be dead and yet still be with her?" My answer? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE, beyond the fact that the show's creator insists on "being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only," with the superlative degree of comparison being WORST WRITER PRODUCER TO EVER WALK THE FACE OF THE PLANET EVER. Now I know you're asking why I watched both of these shows, and I'll tell you: because they are THE SAME. FUCKING. SHOW. GREY'S FUCKING ANATOMY.

I predicted yesterday or the day before that we were going to see a return to form tonight on Grey's, and by large, I think that held up. I think the Cristina-Meredith-Shepard-Doctor Major Hunt plot nicely balanced personal drama with medical drama and really got back to why we loved the show in the first place: the relationships with the doctors (who by the way are supposed to be the best in their field mind you) and the way in which that affects their patients. I liked that the serial killer was able to reshuffle the cards among these four so that Mer and Hunt wound up on one side and Derek and Cristina wound up on the other. I liked that Mer and Cristina are still fighting and that neither is willing to give in. I liked that Hunt and Shepard tried to use it to bond. I liked that Mer made that uber-bitchy comment about some surgeons being naturals and others needing to practice during surgery because she knew it would hit Cristina where it hurt---her ego. I even liked the little interaction between Mer and Sadie where Sadie warned her that she needed to stop freezing Cristina out or else she would regret it and how Sadie was able to offer up a little bit more character insight into Meredith and show that she still has a whole host of other issues even if she's trying to make it work with Derek. (Seriously, that one little interaction has redeemed the character in my eyes, and I'm a little peeved with Shonda Rhimes because I think this is exactly the type of stuff the character was introduced for, yet we didn't get it until 6 episodes in. Ridiculous.) I even liked how Derek and Meredith made up at the end and he tried to be her Cristina, because I whole heartedly believe that this show works best when it allows its characters to grow and change.

Along those lines, I'm really enjoying the whole Sloan-Lexie thing (which I've decided to call Slexie, instead of Groan because I like it) because I like that it's making Sloan be a person. Sure it came out of left field, but unlike so many of the other couplings on this show, this one is a teensy bit believable, and a little reality goes a long way. I'm still not totally buying the whole "whoops Callie is still a lesbian but she'll try to sleep with Sloan when convenient" thing, but I do like that it's moved her and Sloan firmly into the friend zone, since I think they made a great pair and provided some necessary yet enjoyable comic relief. But if the show is going to insist on pairing Callie with Sadie, at least let them actually flirt, please. Don't just throw them into bed two episodes from now, because as much as I like gratuitous sex, I do like it to be believable.

I also enjoyed the Bailey plotline, because I think anything that gives Chandra Wilson screentime is a good thing. I will say, though, that I'm really started to get irritated by the parade of guest actor-doctors we seem to have been having of late. They show up, we're expected to invest in them, and then they disappear. It's irritating. The cast is already bloated to the extremes. Stop bringing in temporary new faces. Thank you.

Ok, so I waited this long to talk about this because I wanted to make sure I said everything else I needed to say about tonight's episode (I've decided to ignore the Chief subplot, because, well he ignored his doctors tonight. Fair is fair). I think we all know what's coming so I might as well jsut get started. IT'S BEEN FOUR MOTHERFUCKING EPISODES AND THAT DEAD FUCK DENNY DUQUETTE IS STILL FUCKING WALKING AROUND WITH IZZIE AND THE TWO OF THEM ARE FUCKING TALKING AND FUCKING GIGGLING LIKE A PAIR OF COCKSUCKER MOTHERFUCKERS. IS SHE CRAZY? DOES SHE HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR? WHO THE FUCK CARES AT THIS POINT?!!!!! THIS IS THE MOST LUDICROUS UNBELIEVABLE SHIT I'VE EVER SEEN. THIS MADNESS, THIS IDIOCY, THIS MORONICLY STUPID PLOTLINE DOES NOT FIT IN WITH THE WORLD OF THE SHOW. GREY'S IS A DRAMEDY, PERHAPS, BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE THIS WEIRD SCI-FIESQUE SHIT GO ON FOR FOUR FUCKING EPISODES WITH NO EXPLANATION BESIDES, AND I QUOTE "I'VE BEEN SEEING DENNY EVERYWHERE." YES, YOU HAVE BEEN SEEING DENNY EVERYONE YOU STUPID BITCH. DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD SEE A DOCTOR BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUCKING NORMAL, YOU FUCKING BIMBO?!!!!!!! YOU'RE A FUCKING DOCTOR FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!! AND LET'S NOT FORGET THAT JUST AT THE END OF LAST FUCKING SEASON, YOU MADE A HUGE FUCKING STINK ABOUT CRAZY JANE DOE AND TRIED TO GET ALEX TO GET HER HELP AND STUCK YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY ASS DUMB BITCH NOSE INTO ALL HIS BUSINESS. THE POOR GUY LOVES YOU AND YOU FUCKING TELL HIM THAT YOU NOT ONLY SEE YOU'RE DEAD DOUCHEBAG OF A FIANCEE (and yes, I realize that I'm calling Denny a douchebag, but I swear that Jeffrey Dean Morgan is playing the guy like a different character at this point because he's even gotta be like "What the FUCK is this shit?"). I HATE YOU IZZIE STEVENS, I HATE YOU WITH EVERY PART OF MY SOUL. I'VE HATED YOU SINCE YOU BROKE UP GEORGE'S MARRIAGE AND I HATE YOU EVEN MORE NOW. CAN YOU PLEASE JUST DIE? OR REALIZE THAT YOU NEED TO BE COMMITTED TO AN INSTITUTION AND GET TAKEN AWAY FROM THE HOSPITAL AND THUS OFF THE FUCKING SHOW?!!!!!!! PLEASE? BECAUSE I CANNOT ABIDE YOUR STUPIDITY ANY FUCKING LONGER. ALEX BAKED YOU A CAKE FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY AND ALL YOU THINK IS HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO HAVE YOU'RE DEAD FUCKING FIANCEE AND YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND AT THE SAME TIME. DO YOU EVEN REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU'RE VALIDATING THE EXISTENCE OF THE HOT-CRAZY SCALE RIGHT NOW? DO YOU?!!!! AND REALLY YOUR CRAZY HAS GONE SO FAR OFF THE CHARTS THAT IN A WEEK OR TWO YOUR GOING TO START LOOKING LIKE A HAG, AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY. YOU MAKE FUCKING BRITNEY WITH THE UMBRELLA HITTING THE CAR LOOK LIKE THE PICTURE OF MENTAL FUCKING HEALTH. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU, IZZIE STEVENS, I. HATE. YOU. (Katherine Heigl, on the other hand, I feel so bad for you and I hope you are able to escape the clutches of that awful Shonda Rhimes and I totally agree with you speaking out against her about the Emmys, you were totally right. I will absolutely be coming to see your new movie, because I want you to know I support you and I know you will get through this muck of shit and be able to look back on it and laugh sometime in the future. Be strong.)

There are no quotes tonight because I fucking hate (half of) this show. Here's praying that Izzie's head explodes next week.

So I Think I May Need to Take Back What I Said

Let me lay it out for you: I'm a person who HATES being wrong. Even worse is when I have to admit it. I'd rather just pretend that I never said it at all in the first place. This being a blog, however, where people can just go back and double check what I've said, I think I might, and I repeat MIGHT, have to retract the disparaging comments I made last night about the upcoming 3 episode arc, because based on these two clips, I think we're looking at some pretty interesting story:





First, off let me say that I could give a shit about the patient right now. I'm much, much more interested in the dynamic of having just Hunt, Shepard, Mer, and Cristina working on the patient because there is all sorts of juicy story there to explore: Hunt and Cristina's blossoming romance, the tension between Mer and Cristina because of the solo surgery stuff, Mer and Der finally having some issues. Even better, it looks they're going to be taking sides, with Mer and Hunt on one and Derek and Cristina on the other. We could be seeing a return to some old school Grey's here (I'm thinking of those season 1 episodes with the rape victim and the guy with pins in his head, where the cases were both compelling AND believable AND caused some real tension for our favorite docs). So, I'm cautiously optimistic. I mean, after all we've yet to see any clips of what is sure to be the HEINOUSLY AWFUL Bat Shit Crazy Izzie-Denny-Alex subplot.

Clip of the Day (Night) : Crazy Bitch

Because this started all of the dumb shit that Grey's is doing now:

Shonda Rhimes, You Are Ruining Blondes for Me

I could take about the few good things in tonight's episode. I could talk about the heartbreaking story of the dad with epilepsy and the daughter who tries to take care of him. I could talk about the strain on Mer and Cristina's relationship, which seems like it's almost at the breaking point. I could talk about Bailey, and how wonderfully awesome she is and how I wish she was my mentor. I could talk about how Sloan has developed into this really cool character who I want to be my wingman next time I go out. I could talk about how sad Callie seems and I how I feel bad for her. I could talk about all those things, but I won't because Shonda Rhimes and her fucking crazy pills and crazy ass storylines are ruining this show for me. I repeat: RUINING. THIS. SHOW. FOR. ME. And she doing it with what is starting to feel like an army of psychotic blondes. Why blondes, Shonda, why? WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HURT ME?!!

Let's start with the guest star, Leslie Grossman, who is hilarious in everything else she is in. Tonight she played a hypochondriac who needed a fecal implant from her husband. Translation: He had to poop into a bowl and Karev had to take it and put it in her butt. Ewwwwwwwww. Gross.

Next we have Sadie, the crazy bitch who popped out of nowhere. I don't understand how she and Meredith could be such good friends and yet we're only seeing and hearing about her just now. Also, given her high level of crazy, I seriously question Mer's judgment and I never ever want her to be my doctor. And that shit she pulled? Cutting herself open on the table when Lexie was about to come to her senses and not do the stupid, stupid, moronic, insane surgery one her? WHAT IS IT WITH HER AND CUTTING HERSELF OPEN?!!!! She's obviously got some weird kind of S&M cutting fetish, but come on. Who the fuck does that? Thank god she didn't die or else we would have had another Denny Duquette situation on our hands, with interns acting dumb and doing dumb things and endangering their careers. Speaking of Denny....

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU IZZIE?!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH A DEAD GUY!!!!!! AN IMAGINARY DEAD GUY SINCE THE REAL DENNY IS PROBABLY BURIED IN THE GROUND SOMEWHERE. (The only redeeming part to this story was Mer, Alex, and Der standing in the hallway listening to Izzie moan like a porno queen. Hilarious.) IZZIE, YOU KNOW DENNY DIED. IN FACT, YOU KNOW YOU'RE THE REASON HE'S DEAD. YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH YOUR DEAD FIANCEE. I DON'T CARE HOW MANY TIMES YOU SAY YOU'RE CRAZY. YOU'RE STILL TALKING TO YOUR CRAZY DEAD FIANCEE. DIDN'T YOU SEE A BEAUTIFUL MIND AND HOW JOHN NASH STARTED IGNORING HIS MADE UP NOT REAL FRIENDS? YOU COULD LEARN A LOT FROM HIM YOU SICK BITCH!!!!!!! AND YOU'RE PLAYING POOR ALEX. THE GUY WHO'S LAST GIRLFRIEND TRIED TO KILL HERSELF. ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK HIM???? DO YOU GET OFF ON BEING SO CRAZY, YOU BAT SHIT CRAZY CRAZY PERSON??????? The kicker to this whole storyline is that Shonda is saying that Izzie DOESN'T have a brain tumor. Hah. If she doesn't have a tumor then she needs some serious meds. DO YOU HEAR THAT IZZIE? GO SEE DR. WYATT (which would be a nice excuse to get Amy Madigan back) AND LET HER HELP YOU THROUGH YOUR CRAZY. I REALLY HATE YOU IZZIE. I REALLY DO. LET YOUR FUCKING DEAD FIANCEE GO AND RELIEVE US OF THIS STORYLINE. AND YOU SHONDA RHIMES, EVERYTHING I JUST SAID TO IZZIE APPLIES TO YOU TOO. STOP TAKING YOUR FUCKING CRAZY PILLS AND GET YOUR SHOW BACK ON TRACK. DO YOU UNDERSTAND??? GET. IT. BACK. ON. TRACK. NOW!!!!!!!!!

I have nothing else to say about tonight's episode, so I will leave you with some quotes and hopefully when the show returns in two weeks we will start to put this idiocy behind us.


"I'm crazy. That's what this is. Craziness."--The Bat Shit One to Denny at the beginning of the episode. YES YOU ARE.

"Who's making a porno movie in Izzie's room?"--Derek.

"Married, betrayed, gay, abandoned, and then I woke and had no idea how I got here."--Callie, summarizing her storyline for the last two seasons.

"Well at least I'll still have you. You'll still be my friend and have sex with me when I want." "Anytime. You know, once your face heals."--Callie and Mark after she got her nose broken. So many things wrong with that interaction.

"I'm not going to crap into a bowl until you admit it was a pimple"--Poop guy

"What do you mean 'no' ?"--Christina. The way she said that made me very scared.

"No poop. No poop for you."--Poop guy channeling his best Soup Nazi

"I've taken your crap all these years. Now it's your turn to take mine."--Poop guy

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, SHONDA RHIMES?!!!

I think I made my feelings very clear yesterday about the whole Izzie-Denny thing on Grey's. I would let it go, except that Ausiello over at ew.com is reporting that Jeffrey Dean Morgan's current arc is a 5 episode one, meaning that Denny will be in 3 MORE EPISODES. 3 MORE EPISODES OF DEAD DENNY AND IZZIE. 3 MORE EPISODES OF THEIR BIZARRE SUPERNATURAL INTERACTIONS ON A SHOW THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT DOCTORS HOOKING UP. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU SHONDA? THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE. Why are you trying to destroy your show? Was Gizzie not bad enough? Was the awful ferry boat/Meredith dying arc not bad enough for you? Wht are you doing this? WHY?!!!! We put this Denny shit to bed three years ago and you're bringing it back now? Why would you do that? Why? And for 5 FUCKING EPISODES?!!!!!

Ausiello was also kind enough to remind us of comments Shonda made back over the summer about Izzie's storyline for this season:

"Izzie's got a love story, and it's a big one," she told TV Guide back in August, "one that I've been kicking around in my head for a bit, one that required me to take a huge leap of faith in myself, one that is so secret that I have not told anyone. Not the writers, not anyone."

Oh course she didn't tell anyone, because they would say she was BAT SHIT CRAZY. There's a difference between a leap of faith and jumping over the edge, and she's obviously chosen the latter. I can't believe that Denny is going to be in another three episodes. I'm disgusted with this show. I really hope Izzie has a brain tumor, because a medical answer to this psychoticness is the only thing that could possibly make this storyline palatable. Either that or Izzie getting hit by a bus. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh.

WARNING, WARNING, WARNING, WE ARE GOING TO DEATHCON LEVEL 10

Well I think we saw tonight what happens when you make Shonda Rhimes really mad. Isaiah Washington made her mad and got written off the show. But Katherine Heigl? Ooh lordy she did something much worse (which we know was complaining about her storyline). Shonda must be M-A-D. That's the only explanation for what she's doing to the character of Izzie Stevens. You all thought we had hit bottom with the whole Gizzie thing? Nope this one is so much worse. Why? IZZIE IS TALKING TO DEAD PEOPLE. And by people I mean Denny. Seriously, I thought we were done with this storyline. I don't feel like reliving it. Unfortunately that crazy Shonda disagrees. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for torturing Izzie. As a character she sucks. But seriously, having her talk to and interact with her dead fiancee? Come on. That's not even remotely believable. Grey's has never been about reality, but this is just too much. Mark your calendars, because tonight was the point of no return for this show. I don't see how anyone can continue watching after this. This show has so far jumped the shark that it probably jumped the sea lion, the giant squid, and the whale as well. I mean, seriously? SERIOUSLY? WHAT THE FUCK? Bitch is destroying Denny's memory. I HATE IT. UGGHHHHHHHHHH. Oh, and given that she was talking normally with a DEAD PERSON, the BSCI Index has reached a 10.

Izzie wasn't the only big problem with tonight's episode. The whole Hahn departure thing has me pretty pissed off. Erica Hahn is not the kind of woman who would just up and quit her job because she had a fight with her girlfriend. She was all business all the time at the hospital. If anything, she would have gone after the Chief and gotten him in trouble for the Izzie cover-up, because she's a woman with principles and she's a fighter. Instead of a logical resolution, however, we get a classic Grey's deus ex machina and Hahn is gone, leaving Callie to mope around and then breakdown after her patient (who she built legs for...awesome) dies. That ain't right. Not fair to Callie. Nope.

While Hahn is gone, apparently her place as the other blonde doctor is being filled by Sadie (we don't learn her last name), Meredith's friend from before medical school, played by the magnificent Melissa George. Many of you will remember her as the heinously evil Lauren Reid on Alias. Apparently she's supposed to channel a bit of crazy for her new role as well. A little bit more about Sadie: she and Mer have pet names for each other: Death and Die. She used to work in a morgue. She likes taking risks. She also likes crashing Lexie's secret surgery club, taking off her shirt, cutting her back, and asking people to stitch her up. I doubt her character is long for this world. We can't have two bat shit crazy blond doctors (not that Sadie is bat shit yet, but she may be headed there). She's an unnecessary addition to an already bloated cast. Ughh. (Still love Melissa George though, even though she was the bitch who took Vaughn away from Sydney.)

Ok, now that I'm done complaining let's talk about the bright spots:

• Derek and Meredith. Their relationship is so cute now. I love that they're asking each other to do things and then they do them. And I like that Derek is making Mer care about Lexie because she needs someone at this point because......
• Shit is going to hit the fan for Lexie's little surgery lab. I mean seriously, how much longer is she going to get away with it? Not much, if the previews for next week are any indication. THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOD PEOPLE. The Chief is going to lose his shit when he finds out. I CAN'T WAIT.
• Cristina and Dr. Major Hunt. They have some serious chemistry. You could see it when he was tying her gown in the ambulance bay at the beginning of the episode. You could also see it when they made out at the end (after a little bit of yelling on his part). He's the opposite of Burke and exactly what she needs right now.
• Cristina being jealous of Sadie, because she would get like that.
• Virginia Dixon, played by the fabulous Mary McDonnell. I liked how she played the character, who has Asperger's (a form of autism). I think she would be an interesting presence in the hospital over the long term, so they need to figure out how to make that happen (supposedly she's back next week, so I'll have more to say then). My favorite part: when she told Bailey she didn't like the hospital at all. Not many people do right now, Dr. Dixon, not many do.
  

Also, one more for the don't like list: the pairing of Lexie and Sloan, which looks like it may happen. Derek and Mark are not meant to be brothers in law. This feels like a random pairing and I do not like it.

Time for a few quotes:

"So she's your pre-Cristina Cristina?"--Derek to Mer about Sadie.

"We have rules and rules are rules and laws are laws. No."--Crazy Dr. Dixon to the patient asking for his heart back.

"Were the other ones taken off my case?" "Not that I'm aware of." "Then why are you talking to me?" --Dr. Awesome Dixon to Cristina

"So who wants to stitch me up?"--Crazy Sadie after stripping her top off and cutting her back. Sex metaphor anyone?

"I need you to tell Mark to keep his little Sloan out of little Grey."--Mer to Der. Sex metaphor.

"Shut it down."--Cristina to the interns. Jack Donaghy say the same thing all the time too.

Grey's is on life support, makr my words, and I'm not sure it's going to be able to recover.

Fasten Your Seatbelts, It's Going to be a Bumpy Ride

"Uh oh." That was my first thought when I saw the promos for this week's Grey's. Why, you ask? Because they referenced the whole Izzie stealing a heart plotline. You remember, the last time Izzie went bat shit crazy. The reason I created the BSCI index. Well, boys and girls, tonight the Bat Shit One was out in full force and anyone with any sense should have run for cover. But they didn't. And I have a feeling in the coming weeks they will wish they had.

Tonight our favorite crazy had to help the patient who was supposed to get the heart she stole for Denny. Yeah. Not good. Even worse, Hahn finally found out what Izzie had done. Even worse, Hahn went berserk and demanded the Chief punish her further and even threatened to report Izzie to UNOS, which would mean the hospital would lose it's status as a transplant center. Even worse, Hahn made Izzie continue to work with the patient and told her she would be personally responsible if he died. But worst of all, and I do mean this in every sense of the word worst, the Bat Shit One started seeing Denny all over the hospital, staring at her and not saying word. Now where I come from seeing dead people is not a good thing. Not a good thing at all. Also not a good thing--talking to yourself. But our girl here did a lot of both tonight. And given the way the episode ended, I don't think either of those things will stop anytime soon. For that reason,I'm going to move BSCI index up to 9.5 , if only because we avoided the histrionics of the whole heart-stealing plot. This is very bad boys and girls, although maybe just maybe, Izzie will completely lose it and have to get shipped off to a mental hospital and thus out of our lives forever. We can only hope.

Elsewhere in Seattle Grace, Dr. Major Hunt awesomely tried to teach the residents to be professionals. It was like he said everything every viewer has ever thought was wrong with the way they practice medicine. At first I thought it was because of the weird tension he had with Cristina, but no, he's just an awesome good person. I loved how he tried to ream her at the end (probably because he couldn't understand how he could be attracted to someone so awful) and Cristina's whole response, which was just pitch perfect acting by Sandra Oh. She basically told him matter-of-factly that's she's so all in on the life saving thing because she watched her father die, felt his heart stop beating, when she was nine years old. I could never understand what that would feel like, but it definitely makes her driveness make sense, and also helps us understand why she's such a bitch sometimes (because deep down she does care, but she's so emotionally screwed up--like everyone else on this show--that she doesn't express feelings correctly). And that look Dr. Major Hunt had afterwards? Dude is in love. I give them three episodes max before they're doing it.

Other things I liked:

• Derek getting Sloan to seduce Cristina and Sloan failing miserably. Because as if.
• The Chief screwing with George while working on the surgery doll. Hilarious.
• The interns peforming medical procedures on themselves, only because I know it's not going to end well.
• The sweet old couple, because they were adorable.
• Ellis' journals being nothing more than a play-by-play of her surgical career. Mer could totally get them published as textbooks and get rich.

Things I did not like:

• This episode being the end of Hahn and Callie and the last we see of Hahn, because regardless of how you feel about lesbians, the character and the actress deserved better (if you have no idea what I'm talking about I suggest you check Michael Ausiello's EW.com article on the subject from Monday).
• Lexie being creepy and getting all those corpses into an empty room. Because while I admire her effort, I agree with Bailey: that was WRONG.
• The Mer voice overs, which sounded like babbling.
  

Quote time:

"The counseling is a good move. Addison and I did counseling." "Right before you got divorced."--Derek and Bailey

"I need you to have sex with Cristina Yang." "Good Morning."--Derek and Sloan

"Tell Stevens to find me so I can permanently throw her off my service."--Hahn

"Bow to me I am the Queen of the Interns. I have assembled an army of the dead to teach us things."--Lexie

"I see dead people."--Cristina walking into the secret cadaver lab. Amazing.

"When your dead mommy teaches you things, can you see her?"--Izzie to Mer. She's so crazy

"That woman is not a single malt scotch, my friend. She is bad cheap wine that gives you a headache you can feel in your teeth."--Sloan about Yang

So what did you all think? I'm torn because I HATE IZZIE but I like watching her go crazy. It looks like her spiral will continue next week, according to the previews. You've been warned.

Anatomy Jane and the Pigs of Doom

Ok boys and girls, are you ready for your bedtime story? Ok. Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Jane who had plastic internal organs. All the doctors in the land loved little Jane, because she could show them how to be doctors without ever getting hurt. It was a wonderful time and peace reigned throughout the land until one day a big bad doctor from a foreign land came to town. All of the people in the land were so afraid of the doctor that they refused to refer to him by name and instead called him simply the Major. The Major did not like little Jane and the way she helped the doctors learn. He thought that learning could only come through pain and suffering. So the Major used his magic powers to put a spell on all the doctors and force them to practice on pigs. And so they did and darkness fell upon the land. Very soon the doctors were taking all the pigs away for practice, leaving no pigs for food or farming. No more bacon, no more pork, no more ribs, no more hot dogs. The lack of pork of products made all the children in the land very sad. They went to little Jane, who had been the doctors' favorite, and begged her to do something. And little Jane did. She went to The Clinic, the secret place where all the doctors took the pigs to die. She snuck past the guards and went to the big room where all the doctors were practicing. The doctors, still under their spell, would not look at her. Little Jane was confused. She couldn't understand why they would ignore her, their favorite. Little Jane then had an idea. Slowly, one by one, she began to remove her plastic organs. As she did so she yelled "Doctors look, see? You can take out my organs and you won't hurt me, so keep practicing on me. Don't hurt those little pigs." The doctors, moved by little Jane's pleas, snapped out of their spell. They sewed the pigs back up and promised never to practice on them again. Even the Major was affected by little Jane. He promised never to force anyone to practice on pigs ever again. Sunshine and happiness and hot dogs returned to the land and the people lived in happiness once again forever and ever. The end.

Did you like my story? Because it's not too, too far off what happened--or I should say WHAT THE FUCK happened--tonight on Grey's. Seriously? Seriously? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT EPISODE? I'm not saying I didn't like it, but I am saying it was like some kind of weird drug trip. Let me sum up the three plots: pigs, little girl with no organs, lesbians. Can you draw a connection between those three? No? Well let me explain each of them to you.

Pigs: Dr. Major Hunt has returned to the hospital as Chief of Trauma, and I think he took that to mean that his job was to traumatize the audience. Christina got all twitchy and girly at the sight of him, which was the first sign that tonight was going to be weird, because Christina never does that. Dr. Major Hunt's first assignment: teach all the interns nd residents about trauma in a practical lab. How does he do that? By BRINGING IN A BUNCH OF FUCKING PIGS AND STABBING THEM. No, I did not just make that up. That's what happened. Sidenote: The only reason I watched Grey's first tonight was because of the title card before the episode saying no animals had been hurt in the filming of the episode, because I thought that was odd for a hospital drama. I was right. Continuing on......Izzie decides that she will not stand for this and leaves, but Christina gets all excited. That is until a real trauma comes in and Dr. Major Hunt lets everyone else go deal with traumas but makes Christina and her team take care of all the pigs. Yeah. At first Christina is all "Fuck this," but eventually she warms up and even starts referring to the pigs by the names the interns have given them. Then one of the pigs starts to bleed out and she has to perform surgery on it blah blah blah we know how this ends and the pig is fine. Dr. Major Hunt is impressed by her ability to keep the pigs alive and then when everything is said and done HE TELLS HER TO KILL ALL OF THE PIGS. WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!!!!! Christina storms off and Dr. Major Hunt goes after and we get the backstory to why he's back at Seattle Grace: during his last tour he was the only one of 20 men to survive an attack, so he was discharged from the army. So he's all scary and damaged or dark and twisty or whatever the fuck this show is calling people with emotional problems these days and Christina is totally falling in love with him as he's talking. She's going to want to fix him and love him and blah blah blah we know how this will end: She'll either get married to him, magically turning her into a human being, or he'll leave/die and turn her crazier than 10 Izzies put together. Yeah. Buckle your seat belts children, this one is going to be a bumpy ride.

Little Girl With No Organs: We'll start this one with Meredith, who was moving some old boxes of hers back up to the attic and wound opening some and looking through them, which is totally realistic because I would much rather look through my old shit than clean any of it. Anyway, Mer finds one of her old dolls, Anatomy Jane, which is fugly ass doll dressed in a hopsital gown with removable organs. You know, I've got say, Ellis Grey was one sick bitch (and I mean that in the nicest way possible) because of course she would never let her daughter play with a Barbie doll. No she gets to play with the doll that will teach her to be a doctor. Why is Anatomy Jane important? Stick with me. Elsewhere, the Chief is telling Bailey that she's awesome (duh) and a good surgeon (double duh) but that if she wants to be the greatest surgeon at Seattle Grace she's going to have to start acting more like him (huh?). Then a plane a lands with a little girl with a huge weird inoperable tumor and the Chief is all like "Dr. Bailey, your misson, if you choose to accept it is to save this little girl's life by the end of the day, while delivering as many awesome monologues as you can," to which Bailey is like "Listen dude, I will accept your challenge cause fuck if this shit don't get me an Emmy nothing will." So Bailey needs an intern for her little mission and picks Mer since she brought her Anatomy Jane doll to the hospital with her. Because Mer is still 5 and thinks you take toys with you to work (Sidenote: I am totally justified in playing with my Rubik's cube at work because (1) they gave them to us and (2) it's a thought stimulator which means its not a toy, so anyone accusing me of being hypocritical here, hah). So the little girl is pretty fucked since the tumor is growing around almost all of her internal organs. They have a big meeting where the Chief scolds Mer for playing with her doll instead of contributing and she gets all "Listen dude who broke up family, this doll is helping me come up with the answer that's going to make all y'all look good so shut the fuck up please." The doll does help, though, as Mer suggests removing all the girls internal organs, removing the tumors from them, and then putting them back again. Because shit like that happens all the time. The rest of this plays out pretty much how you would expect: big meeting with the family to convince them to go ahead with crazy surgery, surgeons getting distracted by their private problems (in this case the Chief being mean to Mer because the doll dredges up old memories), something seems to go wrong, but in the end the doctors figure it out, little girl lives, and sunshine and happiness and hot dogs return to the land forever and ever. There was one other little snag, though, but I'll get to that when I talk about the.....

Lesbians: So Callie and Hahn are still having amazing sex. Good for them. Things seem to be going well for them until Hahn starts crying and telling a story about how this was like when she was a little girl and got glasses and now she can see and she says the word "gay" like 20 times, which of course freaks Callie out. What does Callie do when she's freaked out? Have sex with Sloan, of course, which she does, twice. This makes her realize that she really likes sleeping with Erica and that she has feelings for Erica, but she's not sure whether she's gay, bi, or just-experimenting-like-two-college-girls-in-a-sorority-house-after-a-mixer-bow-chicka-bow-wow-I'm-digressing-aren't-I. So at the end of the day she tells Hahn that she wants to be with her but that she slept with Sloan and she's sorry and Hahn's all "Well fine, but not really since you leaving me this morning made me all upset and mean and a huge bitch to Bailey all day and almost made me ruin the little girl with no organ's surgery but whatever since I'm lesbian now I will forgive you so we can continue to have sex so fine I'll forgive you." So what does Callie do? Go for a drink with Sloan. Because that makes sense. Ok, I get that Sloan and Callie are friends and I like how he's been helping her through this, but this is ust asking for trouble. And what's going to happen when the new bisexual intern shows up? Oh I know. My head will explode.

Other things I liked:

• Derek and Sloan getting territorial around the new guy, because of course they would get like that.
• Lexie apologizing to George at the end of the episode for not keeping work separate from her personal life, because THAT'S SOMETHING THAT HAS NEVER EVER HAPPENED ON THIS SHOW.
  

Things I did not like:

• Alex and Izzie, because how the fuck are we supposed to believe that they're in a weird committed relationship now? Seriously? This also leads me too:

The BSCI Index:
Well our girl was really in rare form tonight. She's went off on Dr. Major Hunt about the pig thing a couple of times (which I kind of agree with her about, but that's prob why I'm not a doctor), told Derek he disgusts her (because as if), and got mad at Alex for being Alex (which she really should be used to by now, but she's BSCI, so of course not). The worst though, was at the end of the episode when she started telling Alex how he should tell her how wonderful she is. I almost vomited in my mouth. This, coupled with the scenes from next week flashing back to her heart-stealing days, puts the BSCI index at an 8.2 with a very probable rise next week since the episode looks to be very Izzie centric. Ughh.

And now I will leave you with some quotes. Tonight's episode was weird y'all and I'm afraid next week will be more of the same. I really hope Shonda hasn't started taking her crazy pills again, because I don't think the show will recover.


"Save a girl with an inoperable tumor?" "It's not easy being me."--Bailey and the Chief

"Next time you'll know to bring in an ugly doll."--Bailey about Anatomy Jane

"Are you petting the pig? Stop petting the pig."--Christina to Lexie. Was that a sex metaphor?

"I could give them numbers, but then I'd probably tell you three needs antibotics and find you sticking a needle in Grey's ass."--Christina.

"I named the pigs today." "I'm sorry I don't know what that means."--Lexie and George.

Another One Bites the Dust

And by another one, I mean another male in Seattle Grace has been caught in the web of crazy that is Izzie Stevens. You would think that after living with the Bat Shit One, Alex would realize you keep her firmly planted in the friend zone and you don't let her get out. Instead, Alex, like so many men before him, got distracted by the shiny hair and the unnatural desire to insert herself into people's lives, and kissed Izzie after one of her holier-than-thou "I'm here for you" speeches. I guess I wouldn't be so upset about this if it weren't for the fact that WE'VE ALREADY SEEN THE ALEX/IZZIE HOOKUP STORYLINE. And we all remember how that ended: Izzie met Denny and became BAT SHIT CRAZY. Who is she going to meet when Alex dumps her this time? A paranoid schizophrenic? A sociopath? Someone with incurable chlamydia? Whoever it is, it'll probably push her over the edge and she'll try to blow up the hospital, which may or may not be a bad thing, since several other characters were uber-annoying this week (Caveat: I watched this episode after a long work happy hour, so I'm going based on my notes and my recollections).

Let's start with McDreamy, who I will now refer to as McEgo, because seriously, dude's ego has blown up after the clinical trial gets profiled in some medical journal, which refers to it as the Shepherd method, as opposed to the Shepherd-Grey method. This sends Meredith into a tizzie since she thinks she deserves credit too, but McEgo is all "Listen bitch, you're a little resident, I'm an attending with amazing hair, I don't care if it was your idea, I'm taking the credit. Now let's go home and have sex, woman" Ok I made up the last part, but the first part pretty much describes how their conversation went. To be fair, dude has a point: Mer is just a resident, and she can't seem to manage getting through a kidney transplant surgery without DROPPING IT ON THE FLOOR! I thought my head was going to explode when I saw that, because seriously who the fuck would keep the table with the transplanted kidney that far away from the patients body? Unless you wanted something like that to happen. Seriously, what. the. fuck. This leaves Mer feeling pretty bad about her surgical skills (which after reading her mother's diary she already thinks are not up to Grey-snuff). So what does McEgo do? He's gives her one of the bad kidneys from the transplant surgery. I guess flowers are no longer a suitable gift. But seriously, that kidney in a jar looks like something out of a bad sci-fi movie. And, of course, Mer is all like "Ooh a present! My dead brilliant world-class surgeon mother never gave me presents, or love. I will love you again now until I have another commitment freakout." So McEgo is all "Good bitch, now let's go home and have sex," which they do, WITH THE KIDNEY ON THE NIGHTSTAND. Ewwwww.

Moving on to the night's third awful plotline, Lexipedia (I really like this nickname) is on the verge of standing outside George's bedroom with a radio over her head, and by that I mean decorating George's locker in the fancy residents lounge. Because this is high school and George is a fifteen year old girl. Since George is now a resident, the other residents have to each give up one of their interns to him. This leads to a lot of schoolyard stuff where the residents make the interns stand in front of them as they say mean things about them as they choose. Lexipedia of course would love to be one of George's interns since she would love to be, um, under his control. (And yes that was a sexual metaphor, in case you were wondering.) Then she gets all upset at the end of the episode when George didn't request her to be one of his interns (as if Cristina was actually going to give up her human encyclopedia) and inadvertently confesses her love after saying "You don't see" a bunch of times. Lexie, do you want to wind up like Izzie? STOP CHASING AFTER MEN WHO DON'T CHASE AFTER YOU. It's pathetic and sad. Have some self respect, girl, you have a photographic memory.

Ok now we can cover the night's bright spots: Bailey and Callie and Hahn (not all three of them together, though, that would be......well that would be weird because Bailey is like a mom and ewwwww). So Bailey is awesome and organized the six way transplant and then was even more awesome in convincing the woman who no longer wanted to participate after finding out her husband was cheating on her to continue with it because it was a good thing. Bailey is like a sassy litte guru with all of her wisdom. I wish I could put her in my pocket and pull her out at those times of the day when I would benefit from her sage advice.

So Callie and Hahn. While I think they're both awesome, I personally don't find either of them particulary attractive. That being said: LESBIANS. Good. Awkward sex? bad. Callie getting sex advice from Sloan? good. Callie asking for a redo in the lounge at the end? Very good. I can't wait for the rest of the hospital to find out about them.

Other things I liked:

• MARCUS DIXON as one one of the kidney patients. (Alias fans, you know what I'm talking about).
• Sloan's reaction to hearing about the awkward Callie/Hahn sex. Priceless.
• The reappearance of Dr. Major Hunt. Looks like Cristina will be getting a more interesting storyline soon.
• Joe the Bartender. Nice to see he's still around.

Other things I did not like:

• Meredith's braided hair. I'm sorry, Pollyanna, I can't help you husk your corn.
• Alex and Izzie using the patients as pawns in their awful relationship game. STOP IT.
• The blatant lying in the promos saying shit was going to hit the fan this week, when the worst thing that happened was the dropped kidney. ABC, you need to stop lying.
• The Chief becoming way too obsessed with publicity for the hospital that he's losing sight of what's important: patient care. Dude should have had a little more heart when Bailey said DIXON's transplant wasn't taking.

Quote time:

"Interns. The other white meat."--Alex

"Diseased kidneys are not chotchkes for your coffee table."--Bailey. Apparently they're only for night stands.

"You, you're lazy. You're whiny. Butterfinger over there is downright depressing and you Yang, you, you're just annoying."--Bailey to Karev, Izzie, Mer, and Christina

"Take off your pants."---Callie to Erica. Bow chicka bow wow.

BSCI Index: 7.3. The Bat Shit One's little speech at the end almost rivaled the awful, awful "I believe" speech from the episode where Mer almost died. I don't like where she's trending people.

All in all this was an engaging, but not particularly good episode in my book. But like I always say, indifference is worse than hatred, so while I might not agree with the plot, at least it provoked a reaction for a change.

Rain, Rain, Go Away, But Please Let Dr. Wyatt Stay

Rain is nice. Rain is cleansing. Tonight's Grey's was full of rain (ok it was water from a burst pipe, but that doesn't work with my metaphor), and boy did we need it. We're two weeks removed from the nice, but awfully long and expository season premiere, and tonight's episode washed away that boringness and brought us some nice good Grey's. We had lots of interactions between the main characters, a nice balance between medical and personal, and good acting from our main stars. Let's break it down.

Stuff I liked:

• Dr. Wyatt. I don't think we can ever see enough of that lady. I want Meredith to stay in therapy forever.
• The Chief being a hardass. These people need to learn how to be professional in their workplace. I did not approve of him yelling at Bailey though, but in the end she was right and he was grovelling (a bit) so I guess it all worked out.
• Sandra Oh's face twitching and Ellen Pompeo's eyes bulging. They were blink and you miss them moments, but they were nice touches by two fine actresses.
• Callie and Hahn and Sloan, because I like the way they interact with each other.
• Alex calling Lexi a lexipedia because of her photographic memory, Hah.
  

Things I did not like:

• Alex treating Izzie like an ass but then revealing that he's secretly in love with her. I'm sorry, this is not the fifth grade.
• Derek trying to get Alex and Izzie to move out. Baby steps, dude, or do you want Mer to run out on you? (Kudos to Mer for standing up to him at the end).
• The drama surrounding George taking his test, but perhaps that's because I'm sick of George. Lexi can do better.

And now it's time for a special weekly feature for Grey's--The BSCI Index. As you may or may not know, BSCI stands for Bat Shit Crazy Izzie. Given the characters past behavior (see cutting the LVAD wire, sleeping with George, performing a procedure on deer, etc.), I think it's important that we monitor her behavior on a weekly basis. The BSCI Index ranges from 1 to 10, where one is doing something normal like breathing and not speaking and 10 is her making the crazy eyes and stealing hearts from other transplant patients. Now given her limited number of weird outbursts this evening (the muffin incident near the beginning of the episode) coupled with her actually acting like a human being (acting sad and telling Mer she felt like she had no one), I think we can safely set the BSCI Index for this evening at a 4.5. Not too bad for our resident psycho, I must say. Now time for some quotes:


"Eat the muffin. Taste the muffin. Remember the muffin."--Izzie. Was that a sexual metaphor?

"The hair, it's one of the things that makes me happy."--Mer about Der.

"What would you prefer Meredith: chocolate cake or an STD?"--Izzie. Well this time she's talking about sex without a metaphor.


All in all a good episode, and the previews for next week look good as well. I think Grey's may have returned to form, and that makes me very happy.

One of Our Favorite Bitches May Be Back

Michael Ausiello of EW.com reported today that Melissa George is close to signing a deal to join the cast of Grey's Anatomy as a bisexual intern who will come between Callie and Hahn. While her purpose on the show doesn't really matter to me, I can say I'm excited to see one of my favorite villains back on TV again. You may remember Melissa as Lauren Reid on Alias, a.k.a. the two-faced traitorous bitch who was part of the Covenant who married Vaughn to keep him away from Sydney and who Sydney thoroughly, thoroughly kicked the crap out of in the Season 3 finale. Yeah, her. I hope this works out because I like George as an actress, although I may not be a fan of her characters. I've included a clip of the infamous fight to the death below. Perhaps she'll bring some of that girlfight to Grey's, not that show needs it: