How I Met Your Mother: Best Episode Yet

I'm practically jimping, that's how good that episode was. Seriously, it was like head and shoulders above any episode thus far this season. There are several factors that contributed to this. I will take each in turn:

1. The believable yet slightly absurd but always hilarious plot. Lily and Marshall get into an argument over washing the dishes that spirals into an argument about a whole bunch of other stuff. Realistic? Yes. Hilarious? Yes. Robin and Barney do very weird things to stop themselves from arguing. (Barney abruptly walks out of the room, and Robin takes off her clothes.) Realistic? A little bit, although their methods are extreme. Hilarious? Yes. Also, I loved the juxtaposition of these two couples: one so good at being in a relationship that it's sickening versus one just starting out that has a lot of roadblocks to normalcy in its way. It was nice to see everyone make up in the end.

2. The newly-invented term. From this evening's episode, it was "playing the bagpipes," a euphemism for having sex very loudly, and "new relationship smugness," thinking your new relationship is better than all others. Based on the quality of the episode, I think they will quickly join the ranks of "reading a magazine," Old King Clancy, Lemon Law, and last but not least The Hot-Crazy Scale.

3. The inside jokes. At one point in the episode, Ted and Marshall make a slap bet. Now, you may remember that there was a running slap bet between Marshall and Barney that started back in season two--you know, right around the time that this happened. It was nice to see that concept brought up again.

4. The fast paced dialogue. Seriously, tonight felt like a joke-a-minute episode, but not in a way that felt rushed, but in a way that makes me want to go back and watch the episode over and over and over again.

So for me those are the four criteria for a fantastic HIMYM episode and tonight we saw all of them in play. And in case you were wondering, I totally side with Lily. Dirty dishes go right in the dishwasher, leaving them in the sink attracts flies.

I will leave you with some quotes:

"Hell I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know."--Marshall to Barney.

'You can't fight if you're not there, that's what Gandhi taught us." "Well that's not true."--Barney and Ted

"Call me crazy." "Crazy."--Marshall and Ted. HAHAHAHAHA.

"There are so many great things to do with the human mouth, why waste it on talking."--Barney. UP TOP.

"You're right, I'll do the dishes....right after I do this."--Lily to Barney is his fantasy (which kind of sounds like my fantasy, except maybe we both wash the dishes. Ok, fine I wash the dishes because I know she won't do it right. There, happy now?)

"Barney...with his crazy well thought out theories that probably might work."--Marshall about Barney

'We spent the whole weekend cuddling by the fire. No black diamonds, but a lot of red hearts."--Robin. This is when I threw up. Just FYI.

"It's like Gandhi said, smile don't cost nothing sugar." "I'm not sure you know who Gandhi is."--Barney and Ted

"I knew you were lying. You've got to wake up pretty early to slip one by the T-Mos." "Stop it."--Ted and Robin. Don't worry T-Mos, V-Dog approves of the nickname.

"You're dirty, maybe I should leave you in the sink."--Lily to Marshall. You can leave me in the sink anytime, Lil. Oh yeah, UP TOP.

How I Met Your Mother's Contribution to the English Language: Legendary

The folks over at Television Without Pity have pulled together a list of terms introduced by How I Met Your Mother that have revolutionized the way 20-somethings speak to each other. While I've found the Hot/Crazy Scale to be most useful in my day to day life, my personal favorite will forever be the Old King Clancy. You know what I'm talking about. Oh yeah.

How I Met Your Mother: Feeling Out of Place Never Looked This Funny

Ah yes, here it is: a wonderful, gleeful, very funny episode of How I Met Your Mother. Yet again, this show seems to have a direct link into my brain: tonight's episode was all about feeling out of place in your own life, something I've been feeling a bit lately. For Robin, this means considering having to give up her Canadian citizenship, i.e., the very core of her identity. For Ted, it means realizing that your bro trips will never be the same as they were when you were 19, except for the violent stomachaches after bad pizza. The meaty plot, coupled with some very funny jokes, made for my favorite episode of the season thus far. Let's look at what worked:

Robin studies to become an American citizen. This was funny because (1) we got to see Robin act Canadian, A LOT. I love Canadian Robin. Especially drunk, I-will-fight-you Canadian Robin. (2) We got to see Barney teach her to be an American. My favorite lesson? Holding up a picture of Queen Elizabeth II and telling her it was Elton John. Priceless, and not really that much of a stretch. (3) We got to GO TO CANADA. More specifically Toronto. Even more specifically a Tim Hortons. I love Tim Hortons. And I love that we finally got to see a Tim Hortons, because Robin always talks about them. And they are great. (4) Curling, Canadian money, hockey......do I really need to go on? I want Robin to take a trip home with Barney to meet her parents. That would be funny. (5) Robin thinks being American is basically being mean and telling people what to do....basically act like drunk Canadian Robin.

Marshall brings Lily on the bros trip. Don't get me wrong, I like being single, but I get where Ted is coming from. Sometimes you don't want to feel like the third wheel to someone else's relationship. It's a little demoralizing, especially when your trip full of energy drinks and beef jerky turns into massages at Crumpet Manor (I will get to that later). Additionally, the fact that Lily needs to pee constantly is pretty damn funny. Also, that book on tape would make me want to kill myself. Loved the gross pizza place they went to and the stomachaches they got afterward, especially when Marshall screamed "CUT IT OUT!" I've been there, and it's not pleasant.

Crumpet Manor. Marshall and Lily would go to a place like that. Cornmeal massages, a wishing well, a bench to sit on. The place sounds like it should be a stop on the next version of Candyland. Also, love the fact that all the pampering made lulled Lily into an almost comatose-like state.

Tantrum. One word: TANTRUM!! Excuse me while I go do push ups in the kitchen.

THE SONG. You know the one I'm talking about. The one about when I wake up. The one involving me knowing I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man the man who wakes up next to you. CAUSE I WOULD WALK 500 MILES AND I WOULD WALK 500 MORE JUST TO BE THE MAN WHO WALKS A THOUSAND MILES AND SHOWS UP AT YOUR DOOR. BA DA DA DA. BA DA DA DA. DUM DIDDLE LA DIDDLE LA DIDDLE LA DA DA. Come on, you know you were singing along too. And you loved it. Every minute of it.

Lily has an iPhone. Nothing else really here except that I love my iPhone so much and was looking for an excuse to say it.

There really was nothing I disliked about this episode, it was all great. I will leave with you the quotes:

"We were like Lewis and Clark, if Lewis and Clark peed in a soda bottle and had a bong made out of a cantaloupe."--Ted

'Tantrum!"--Ted

"We'll stay up all night. I'll drill you, then I'm gonna help you study."--Barney. UP TOP.

"Punch buggy yellow. Yellow. That reminds me I have to pee."--Lily

'Let's go buy something that's bad for us, then sue the people that made it. That's American, Robin."--Barney

"Now to prove you are American as apple pie and the childhood obseity it leads to...""--Barney

"Maybe I'll rob a liquor store, maybe I won't, my choice."--Robin, being American

"Learn English!"--Robin trying to be American and yelling at a cab.

"Oh my god what happened last night?" "You went Canadian."--Robin and Barney, as he finds her in a trashed hotel room in Toronto.

How I Met Your Mother: You Know You're a Sexless Innkeeper When....

Tally ho, good readers! What did we think of this evening's episode? Personally, I have to say better than last week, and best one of the season yet. I was a little worried, because I hate it when Lily and Marshall get weird, but I'm also a sucker for montages, which we had plenty of tonight. That being said, here were the three keys to greatness for tonight's episode:

• Lily and Marshall's Double Date Quest. Never having been in a serious relationship, I cannot relate to Lily and Marshall's desperate need to find a couple to play with. Never having been in a serious relationship, I can totally relate to their frenetic energy and desire to impress, which might make them act a little bit crazy. I love the way Lily overengineered the evening--her and Marshall prepping was akin to a general planning for battle. Additionally, I also loved Barney and Robin totally rejecting their craziness, and the way the rest of the episode played out as a result. Especially the...
  
• The Montages. Honestly, set images to ironic music and I will laugh, laugh, laugh until the cows come home.....or until the montage stops. We got two great montages tonight. The first was a music video Marshall made to commemorate their special evening:

• Wasn't that funny? And creepy? I'd give 51% funny and 49% creepy which is just the right balance for something like this. The second montage, and by far the superior one, was of Robin and Barney dealing with the fact that Lily and Marshall found another couple to hang out with. In fact, most couples around them had found another to hang out with. The only thing left for Robin and Barney to do was wander around aimlessly, wallowing in their couple loneliness and binging on junk food to words of "All By Myself." Yes, that sound you hear is me cackling because this is the funniest thing I've seen all day. PERFECT, PERFECT, PERFECT. That leaves us with just one key left...
  
• Barney's Lesson of the Week: The Sexless Innkeeper. Apparently a Sexless Innkeeper is someone who you go home with at night who you have no intention of sleeping with. You do it only because you need a place to crash for the night. I enjoyed learning this term because now I know what to call myself. No, I will not tell you the number of times it has happened to me, because I don't like public humiliation. It is a brilliant concept though. Even better was Barney's ode to the Sexless Innkeeper:

All in all, this was pretty great episode, even if the whole Lily-and-Marshall-want-a-couple-to-hang-out-with plot was highly reminiscent of that Season 8 episode of Friends where Chandler and Monica meet a couple on the flight back from their honeymoon that they get way too excited to hang out with. HIMYM is the new (and better) Friends after all. As is my custom, here are your quotes:

"There's still pie."--Lily holding a knife, as a couple tries to escape her apartment.

"It was like we were on a date with a sad, chubby girl our mom made us call."--Barney

"Which is funny because usually it's the innkeeper that offers turndown service. Up top!"--Robin. Nice to see Barney rubbing off on her.

"We're so lovable." "No we're not. We're ugly and gross."--Lily and Marshall, and they eat ice cream. I've been there.

"Cat funeral, cat funeral, it was an accident, and not entirely my fault."--Marshall's song

"You're a sturdy, cheese-bearing cracker."--Lily to Marshall. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. (I know it doesn't really apply.)

"How do we know you two won't hurt us again?"--Lily, in the rain, to Robin and Barney. It was just so funny.

"Dammit, why is there something so attractive about a bad boy...and girl."--Lily, still in the rain, to Robin and Barney.

How I Met Your Mother: Deja Vu All Over Again

Monday, Monday, and time for my Monday routine: How I Met Your Mother. HAPPY! Tonight's episode was, like last week's, a solid, not stellar effort, but enjoyable nonetheless. The theme tonight was repetition, whether that be, say, repeating a blind date with the same person, or, say, finding your doppelganger (a repeat of you). (Like what I did there?) There were three good things about tonight's episode, and one so-so thing. Let's start with the good:

1. Stripper Lily. Did you really expect me to start with something else? If you did, well, you're a fool. Lily has a doppelganger who is stripper named Jasmine. Can we say AWESOME AND HILARIOUS? Yes, we can. What about the fact that they've encountered two other doppelgangers, Lesbian Robin and Mustache Marshall? EVEN FUNNIER. What about future Ted's voice over that the group would encounter the final two doppelgangers within the year? LEGENDARY. I love when the show sets up future inside jokes. (By the way, Show, I'm still waiting for the rest of the slaps.) The best thing about Stripper Lily, though, was regular Lily's unbridled excitement about her. We've always known Lily was kind of freaky-deaky, but to have the episode end with regular Lily up on stage in the stripper clothes and Stripper Lily talking to Marshall and asking for money to go shopping was priceless. Marshall, don't be too surprised if you wake up in the middle of the night and find Lily gone. She may just be acting out her fantasies. Speaking of which....
2. Marshall fantasy-kills Lily before he fantasizes about other women. Say it with me now: AWWWWWW. Because only Marshall and Lily could make something that bizarre seem cute. I mean, he even goes so far as to make her have a chronic illness and he observes a multi-year mourning period before he lets himself give in to the fantasy of another girl. That's love. Bizarre, bizarre love. Funny, though, very funny.
3. Ted going on the exact same blind date with the same girl. This is funny because (1) Ted would and (2) I like the actress that played Jen, although I cannot remember her name at the moment. Also, I loved the bit about them following their past selves around to figure out what they did wrong. Also, Ted on dates is kind of a tool. Criticizing the menu is toolish, as is the "check dance." Be a man and pay the bill, dude. And what is his deal with not calling? Actually, scratch that, I totally get that one. Avoidance is better than confrontation. (Ladies, the box of tomatoes will be on the corner of 19th and N Lynn at 7:30 am, I will be entering the office around 8, so feel free to pelt me with them whenever you get a chance.) Also, Jen's obsession with cats is kind of funny. Good thing lolcatz didn't exist in 2002, or she would have been all over that shit.
   

Now for what was so-so: Barney and Robin. I can believe Barney wanting to go the strip club, but I distinctly remember an episode where Robin was excited to go there too (first season I believe). I get that Barney and Robin are dating now, so things are different, but given the whole "fluglehorn" thing from last week, I'm not sure why Robin is angry. She's a little freaky-deaky too. Also, Barney repeatedly saying how awesome it was that Robin liked going to the strip club while Robin kept protesting wasn't that funny. Their whole story felt a little flat for me tonight.

As is my custom, here are your quotes:

'Take a picture." "I will, but first I'm going to make Marshall watch as I wedge Ulysses S. Grant down his wife's tatas." "I'll kill you!"--Ted, Barney, and Marshall.

"Oh I bet the guys were going so crazy. I bet they wanted to touch her so bad."--Lily, about stripper Lily.

"Was there a shower on stage? Sometimes there's a shower on stage. I bet stripper me would get in there with another girl and go CRAZY."--Lily

"Letting a guy eat pizza off your back, that's love."--Ted about the rotund couple across they way having sex. It really is, Ted.

"Bring out Stripper Lily!"--Lily

So what did you all think? Good, meh, or bad?

Clip of the Day: Three Days Later This Family Guy Clip is Still Funny

Apparently they did these for all of the nominees. Here's the one for The Office:





Still so funny.

How I Met Your Mother Premiere: I'm Not Into Labels, But It Was AWESOME

Ladies and Gentleman, THIS is what good television looks like. How I Met Your Mother might be the most consistently wonderful show on television. Tonight's premiere was more solid-stellar than just completely stellar, but it certainly, certainly, CERTAINLY started the night off on the right foot. Now before I get into specifics, there is one thing I want to say. I had the pleasure of watching tonight's episode with three lovely ladies and within 5 seconds of Lily appearing on screen, they all commented on the size of Lily's boobs. Now, while I'm normally the one to point out such things, I think it's hilarious that they all did before I even said a word. Thanks, girls, thanks.

Now, as for the episode, tonight's theme was definitions: Ted had to define what kind of professor he was going to be, and Robin and Barney had to define their relationship. Lesson from tonight's episode? Defining things is funny. Watching Barney and Robin try to have "the talk" and only succeed at having sex is funny. Watching Ted make a fool of himself in front of a class full of economics majors was funny. ("No questions!" "Call me Ted. Professor Mosby. T-Dog. Don't call me T-Dog.") But most of all, watching Marshall crack a whip and scream "Not good enough!" was really funny. (Context there: As a gift for Ted's first day of class, Marshall gave Ted a gift that reminds him of Marshall's favorite professor. The gift? A whip and and a fedora, because Marshall's favorite professor is Indiana Jones. Of course it is. Ted's response? "God, you just get me." Love him, love these two, LOVE THIS SHOW.)

Now, for Barney's life wisdom. Tonight's topic: How to make sure a girl doesn't become your girlfriend. Apparently, girls are like Gremlins, so you just need to follow the three rules that prevent Gremlins from going crazy or whatever:

1. Never get them wet. (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. Come on really, did you think I was just going to let that one pass by?)
2. Keep them away from sunlight. (Because girls are like vampires too, obviously. Not.)
3. Never feed them after midnight. (Now that's just mean.)

Also, Barney's wisdom was delivered while wearing a tuxedo, which makes it infinitely more credible. Infin-wait for it because I don't you think you can guess how this will end-itely.

The episode culminates in Lily locking Robin and Barney into Robin's bedroom to force them to have the talk, while Marshall screams and wafts the smell of bacon under the door. Yes, that's what he did, and it is a very brilliant thing to do. Well played, Marshall, I didn't think you had it in you. Robin and Barney ultimately decide that they will just lie to Lily and tell her that they are boyfriend and girlfriend, but as Lily so aptly puts it at the very end of the episode, they're only lying to themselves. I'm really hoping that Barney and Robin are headed down the Chandler and Monica path of sitcom relationships, because I love seeing them together and I know hilarity will ensue.

Now one final note, that I want to make sure you all caught: Ted made a point of telling us that The-Mother-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was in his first class, but that was the Economics class, not his Architecture class. Therefore The Mother is an Econ student. Additionally, she was taking Econ 305, which either makes her a child prodigy or at least an upperclassmen. (Unfortunately, Econ 305 is not a real a class at Columbia so I'm not sure if it's grad level or undergrad. Yes, I checked, and no that doesn't make me a loser, and yes, if you really think it does then you can go fuck yourself. So there.) This means The Mother will remain in the offing for a while, because it is unlikely that they will cross paths again soon. Still, it's nice to know she's around.

Now, as is my custom, I will leave you with some quotes:

"I told you, use your indoor Woo!"--Marshall to Lily. For those of you that don't remember, WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

"God, you just get me."--Ted to Marshall

"Just once I wish you guys would call me on Tuxedo Night."--Marshall. Awwwwww.

"I'll punch a baby, I don't care."--Barney

'Look we've been over this, unless I say 'fluglehorn,' you haven't gone too far."--Robin to Barney. I'll never say fluglehorn, Robin, I promise.

"Not good enough!"--Marshall

I'm so happy it's back!

How I Met Your Mother Premiere: Cannot Wait!

How I Met Your Mother returns this evening. Can I get a HELL YEAH? HELL. YEAH. For those of you, like me, who won't be able to make it until this evening without a small HIMYM fix, I give you this clip from this evening's premiere:



Anyone up for a tuxedo night? Check back this evening for a full recap of what I'm expecting to be a great season premiere.

Your Fall Television Primer: The Veterans

Aaahh, September, my favorite month of the year. I love September for many reasons: the weather starts to turn crisp, football returns, my birthday happens, and, by far most importantly, THE NEW TELEVISION SEASON BEGINS! That's right, boys and girls, the new season is practically upon us, so I've decided to lay out in chronological order when our favorites return:

August 16th (i.e., two week ago-ish): MAD MEN, 10 p.m. Sundays, AMC
Ok, so I was a little late to the Mad Men party, only having just discovered it this summer, but I can tell you I'm completely enamored of this show. After two seasons, I still do not understand these characters, but I mean that in a good way. Mad Men is the perfect way to spend a Sunday night.

September 14th: GOSSIP GIRL, 9 p.m. Mondays, The CW
I can't wait to find out what Chuck, Blair, and Serena's boobs have been up to all summer. I wonder if Little J still has that mullet. Or if Dan is still a tool. I'd ask if Vanessa is still a weird stalker, but I know that's true, since I've seen her peeping through my windows. Or maybe that was just a nightmare. In any case, I'm thankful that this moved to 9 p.m. so I can now watch HIMYM in real time.

September 17th: THE OFFICE, 9 p.m. Thursdays, NBC
JIM AND PAM ARE HAVING A BABY. Oh, I'm sorry, did you want a spoiler warning for that one? Well eff you, I don't care. I'm going to scream that one from the hill tops, because I AM SO EXCITED FOR THOSE TWO. (Yes, I'm really that excited.) I'm hoping The Office can rebound a bit this season since last year was a bit uneven. Thankfully they're not starting with those hour-long episodes again, so we should be ok.

September 21st: HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, 8 p.m. Mondays, CBS
So if you know me personally, you may have heard me talk about a little show called How I Met Your Mother, and you may have heard me bring it up in conversation every chance I got, and you may have heard me go on and on and on and on about it. If you weren't so lucky, let me just tell you now, that if there were only one show you were going to watch this fall, How I Met Your Mother (or HIMYM as I affectionately refer to it) should be that show. HIMYM is Friends for the Millenial generation except funnier and more relevant and more realistic and more absurd all at the same time. I cannot wait to see Barney and Ted and Robin and Marshall and Lily again, and more importantly, I CANNOT WAIT TO MAYBE GET A GLIMPSE OF THE MOTHER. That's right, THE MOTHER is in the offing (that's not a sexual thing) and she'll always be just around the corner this year. It's going to be fantastic, and I cannot wait.

September 24th: GREY'S ANATOMY, 9 p.m. Thursdays, ABC
So, regular readers of this blog know that I have a love-hate relationship with Grey's Anatomy in that I love to hate on it (for a great example, click here), but at the same time I cannot imagine not watching it. I was very happy to see Derek and Meredith take the leap at the end of last season, and very, very conflicted about Izzie's potential death. I'm very curious to see how the show deals with T.R. Knight's departure. I'm anticipating a bunch of gloomy episodes early on in the season, but hopefully that won't last for too long, because as much as I once liked George, I don't like my Grey's all dark and twisty.

October 15th: 30 ROCK, 9:30 p.m. Thursdays, NBC
30 Rock is fucking funny. Enough said. I shouldn't have to give you another reason to watch, but there are some of you out there who I know might need one AND I know would like this spoiler, so I'll give it to you (it comes from Ausiello over at EW.com):

Question: What’s in store for Jane Krakwoski’s Jenna on 30 Rock this season? —Kimberly

Ausiello: Her career will literally start sucking when she lands the female lead in a second-rate Twilight franchise. “For tax reasons, they shoot it in Iceland and then they realize the sun doesn’t set,” explains exec producer Robert Carlock. “So they’re shooting a vampire movie without having light.” Genius.

October 28th: FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, Wednesdays (if you're lucky enough to have DirecTV or know of sites where you can watch it online the next day)
Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. This show is a winner in every sense of the word (except for that one sense where the dumb Academy of Television Arts and Sciences finally honors with a Best Drama Emmy, because alas that has not come to pass). When we last left our hearts in Dillon, Texas, Smash and Jason had left town to live their dreams, Lyla, Tyra, Tim, Matt, and Landry were all about to follow them there, and poor wonderful Coach Taylor had been banished from the hallowed halls of the Panthers locker room to coach (gasp) the football team at the recently reopened East Dillon High. I cannot wait to watch the East Dillon Lions kick the ever loving shit out of the Panthers next season. It's going to be amazing.

Other returning shows:

• Sept 8: 90210 (8 p.m., The CW). Same zip code, (relatively) same crappy cast, still won't be watching.
• Sept 9: So You Think You Can Dance (8 p.m., FOX). So I think this was just on, no? Another season already? Fox is getting des-perate.
• Sept 17: Fringe (9 p.m., Fox). This show was a victim to my busy TV watching last season, and will be again this year. If you finally give up on Grey's, make room for this show.
• Sept 21: Heroes (9 p.m., NBC). If you watch this show, it will stay on the air, which would be bad, since it is TERRIBLE. If you don't watch however, NBC will expand Jay Leno to two hours on Mondays, thus furthering his plot to take over the world. Either way, we're fucked.
  
• Sept 24: The Mentalist (10 p.m., CBS). This is one show I loved last season that I did not watch enough of. Perhaps the new timeslot will change that.
• Sept 27: Family Guy (9 p.m., Fox). Cannot wait for this show, although I really wish they would just air the "Something, Something, Something, Dark Side" episode already.
• Sept 27: Desperate Housewives (9 p.m., ABC). This show no longer makes the cut. I find the characters annoying. Do you?
• Sept 27: Brothers & Sisters (10 p.m., ABC). Now that the adventures of those wacky Walkers air at the same time as Mad Men, I'm going to be DVRing this one for a while.
  
• Oct 1: Private Practice (10 p.m., ABC). Please do not watch this show. If it gets cancelled, Kate Walsh (i.e., ADDISON) goes back to Grey's. Wouldn't that be nice?

Check back Thursday for an overview of the new shows I may pick up this season. Until then, you should be catching up on old TV and clearing out your DVRs. Remember, an organized DVR is a happy DVR.

Driving Lesson

Because I'd imagine this is I would be like if I was learning to drive now...well not really but this is still funny:

The Chain of Screaming

Because this is probably the 6th most useful thing I learned from this show, and that's saying something:

Lily is a Dirty Girl

Because she just is, and I like it:

"A Lot of Puppies Got Adopted That Day"

Because this is just really funny for three reasons (1) Lily's change in accent (2) James Van Der Beek (and I know you're thinking "WTF is he talking about?") and (3) Murder Train:

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Because we should all be able to translate the twelve different forms of "woo" into their proper English meanings:

So Can We Talk About All The Reasons Why This Show is Awesome?

Carter Bays (HIMYM's exec producer for those you who don't know), get out of my head. While I enjoy watching my life on TV, it's starting to get a little creepy. Case in point: Ted and Barney's little discussion about buying a bar. Not only have I had that conversation many, many times, I actually just told an interviewer that my life's dream is to open a bar/restaurant. So yeah.

Seriously though, I don't understand how this show hasn't been nominated for a Best Comedy Emmy yet. Yeah sure, it's not edgy like those cable comedies, or super smart like 30 Rock, but this show is consistently funny, week in and week out, and has built a wonderfully consistent internal world (I'm still waiting for the next slap and the appearance of the goat). The ratings have been up significantly this season, and I can only hope that the awards will follow.

Ok, so back to tonight's episode. The backdrop: a 3-day blizzard. Ted and Barney try to keep McClaren's open so they can meet up with two college girls from Arizona Tech (Barney needs to complete his bingo card, and yes, it's THAT kind of bingo) who are in a band. The girls show up, and bring their bandmates with them. Oh, bt-dubs, they're in a marching band, so Ted and Barney have a little bit of a problem on their hands. Yada, yada, yada, they invite everyone back upstairs, and Barney gets his bingo.

Meanwhile, Lily and Marshall are trying to put an end to one of their relationships rituals--picking each other up from the airport and bringing a six-pack of beer with them--since the relationship has "matured." (Sidenote: I get that the way they said "matured" was supposed to be a joke, but it's really fucking annoying.) Except that neither of them can do it because they think it will mean the end of their relationship, in that really, really sweet, makes you want to vomit a little bit but is still really nice kind of way. Marshall makes Robin drive him to the airport, which allows us to see a nice conversation between Marshall and Robin about how she expresses love, which I think is laying the groundwork in a very subtle way for her getting together with Barney. Lily, on the other hand, uses favorite cab driver Rajit to go to a liquor store to get beer. Both get to the airport, but seemed to have missed each other. Why you ask? It all goes back to the 3-day blizzard. The Robin/Marshall story happened on Tuesday (Marshall realizes he missed a call from Lily saying her flight had been canceled and she wouldn't be back until two days later), the Ted/Barney plot happened on Wednesday (Marshall went to the party), and the Lily plot occurred on Thursday, which was really fortunate since it allowed Marshall to use the marching band he met the night before to greet Lily at the airport. Seriously, I'm such a sucker for such corny sentimentality. I loved how Marshall wondered if he was going to have to this every time now and Lily, with tears in her eyes, immediately went "Yup, yup, yup." Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. More, more, more of this show please.

Someone's Always Going to Get Hurt

How I Met Your Mother is the source of all knowledge for twentysomethings. If you ever are in a situation and you are unsure of what to do, go to HIMYM. "Should I take that new job?" "Should I invest in real estate?" "Am I ready to get married?" "Is it ok to do number 2 in the office?" HIMYM can and does answer these important questions on weekly basis.

Tonight's important question: "Can two exes ever just keep it casual?" We know that the answer is no, because feelings will always invariably get in the way, although HIMYM puts a nice twist on it. To avoid fights in their apartment, Robin and Ted decide to just start having sex. A bit of a non sequitur? Yes, but I'm not complaining. Marshall catches them, which means everyone eventually finds out, including Barney, who begins to buy TVs to smash up in alleys rather than admit that he loves Robin. Why did Marshall catch them? Because he came over to the apartment to drop a deuce, go poopie, take a crap, or as he euphemistically calls it, "read a magazine." Now I have to say I loved this read a magazine plot because for a long time I was afraid to use the bathroom for a prolonged period of time at work, until I realized that it was the best excuse for taking a 15 minute break without having anyone ask questions. Also, I loved the magazine covers yelling at Marshall, even Speidi whom I hate, because they were actually a little bit funny, although I think the Kim Kardashian one quoting Shakespeare was priceless. I can only wonder how many takes it took for her to get those lines right. Anyway, back to Ted and Robin and Barney. Instead of admitting his feelings, like Lily suggested, Barney decides to clean Ted's apartment to prevent any further arguments between Ted and Robin and thus any further sex. Ted, understanding that no man would ever clean another man's apartment, realizes that Barney must have feelings for Robin, and even though Barney won't admit them, Ted ends the arrangement. Barney on the other hand, after learning that Marshall finally worked up the courage to "read a magazine" on his own floor of the office, decides to go tell Ted the truth, but instead comes across Robin, who obliviously tells Barney how great it is that he can separate the physical from the emotional, unlike Ted and then asks him to go for tacos. My heart broke for Barney in this scene, because the moment you realize the girl of your affection does not look at you that way, nor will she be likely to in the future, is a painful moment indeed. I mean he could tell her how he feels, but she'd probably just give him that "I think we should just be friends line," which hurts even more, although it is better in the long run. Moving on, I wonder how long it is before Robin finds out how Barney feels. Because now that Ted knows, and Lily knows, it's only a matter of time before Marshall knows, and that dude cannot keep his mouth shut. All in all, this was a great post holiday episode and I'm thrilled to have the show back. And I'm also very happy that Jason Segel got his hair cut, because he no longer looks like some kind of child molester. As always, I leave you with quotes:


"Men and women need sex to live together. It solves all disputes."--Robin. Note to self: find female roommate.

"Ok this is strictly a physical relationship, there are no feelings involved, ok?" "Oh please, that's like telling The Fonz to be cool."--Ted and Robin. Robin is the perfect girl.

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha, you guys are still talking about this."--Barney, about Ted and Robin. Can you tell Barney doesn't actually think it's funny?

"Hey Robin, do you want me to see if that waitress has any sugar cubes for that high horse of yours."--Marshall, before high fiving Lily

"Story of my life: my cuteness interferes with people hearing my message."--Lily. Mine too, Lily, mine too.

"Celebrities pick up their dry cleaning? I pick up my dry cleaning."--Marshall while reading his celebrity magazine while "reading a magazine."

"You're right super hot lady who my wife keeps telling me why you're famous and I keep forgetting."--Marshall to Kim Kardashian, who is famous for having a big ass and.......having a big ass.

Another Sign of the Apocalypse. Shame on you, HIMYM!

In general, I don't mind stunt castings. Sure, they make the show doing it seem a little desperate, but its usually funny and often involves another celebrity that people get excited to see. HIMYM used stunt casting to great effect last season with Britney Spears' turn as Abby, Stella's crazy receptionist. Brit turned in a pretty good comedic performance and helped boost the vastly underrated show's ratings. HIMYM should have stopped while they were ahead. Over the past few days, news has broken that Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, and Kim Kardashian will be guest starring in an upcoming episode. To which I say: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Ok, I don't really have a problem with Kim K since I kind of like her show on E! (her family is a train wreck-y hoot), but anything, ANY THING that gives that overexposed pair of morons any additional press is not ok with me. Spencer Pratt is one of the most awful people I have ever seen on television. Dude needs a fucking job and a fucking life. And that Stepford bitch Heidi is an evil famewhore who needs to dump her loser boyfriend and grow a personality. UGHHHH I HATE THEM. I hate them so much, in fact, that I will probably watch the episode they appear in with baited breath and then rip them apart afterward. I guess this means the stunt casting will work. Fuck.

Aww, Sock

Fact: People freak out when the see babies. No one ever looks at a baby and says "Oh, a baby, whatever." Nope, people either say "Awww, look at that cute little baby, it's so small and nice..........I WANT A CHILD," or "Oh god, a baby, the sign of committment and responsibility......GET IT A WAY FROM ME!!!!" Me, I usually oscillate between both answers. Tonight's episode of How I Met Your Mother saw some firm arguments from both sides of what I'll call the Great Baby Divide. Barney, who narrowly escaped becoming a father himself, invented a holiday to celebrate not being a father, appropriately titled Not-A-Father's Day. Robin, channeling her inner disgruntledness at being homeless and unemployed, makes a lot of convincing arguments about why people should be scared of babies. Ted, whom Robin and Lily peg as a dorky dad who has yet to have kids, comes up with a bunch of reasons of why people should become parents. Marshall and Lily vacillate on the issue before deciding they are not yet at a point in their lives where they can have kids. To which I say bravo, because they are so deep in debt that having a kid would make it infinitely harder to get out of it. Fortunately for the audience, they don't at arrive at this decision until after Lily gets really drunk on wine and shows up at Marshall's office, asks him to inseminate her, makes a big mess, throws up, runs up and down the hallway, and passes out in a cab. Awesome. In the end, though, Barney and Robin are brought over to the baby-loving side as a result of a little baby sock, which induces cries of "Awwwwww" in all who touch it. The sock even makes Barney sing Cat's Cradle at a karaoke bar in the post-credit sequence. Brilliant.

Tonight's episode also gave us another one of Barney's gems of wisdom: The Cheerleader Effect. The Cheerleader Effect states that the overall attractiveness of a group of girls is greater than the sum of its by virtue of their being together. If one looks at each member of the group individually, one will find that upon closer inspection each girl is not as attractive as she originally appeared. The Cheerleader Effect, also known as the Bridesmaid Paradox, also applies to men as well. Personally, I think we're looking at the basis for a Nobel Prize, but that's just me.

Two other things I liked:
(1) Robin moving in with Ted, which was foretold in the Ted's Birthday episode last season. I love that this show sticks with continuity, unlike some other shows that will remain nameless.
(2) Robin pouring beer into her ice cream to watch a TiVoed episode of The View. I don't even need to explain that one.

And our Quotable Quotes for the evening:
"You hated me?" "A lot." "Aww."--Robin and Lily after describing how all girls hate other pretty girls pon first meeting.

"Lily, no part of Barney Stinson does anything less than a 110%. If one my little Michael Phelpses got loose, he's swimming for the gold."--Barney. Shouldn't Barney have 13 kids at this point then?

"You better not be as uptight as these idiots about me shooting beer cans on the roof. 'Oh, it hurts my ears.' 'The neighbors called the cops.' 'You almost hit me.' " "Enjoy her Ted, she's in a real good place now."--Robin and Marshall. I love that Robin loves guns.

" 'Dinner' is a baby." "Lily, that's horrible!"--Lily and Robin. Hehe.

"Check out the illustration." "Oh, it appears to be some sort of Asian hooker." "Yes, because on Not-A-Father's Day, you get a Thai you'd actually wear. Word-play five!" --Barney and Marshall. Sex Metaphor.

"Put you melon-headed spawn in my belly."--Lily

All in all, loved the episode. Not the best one (that title still goes to Slap Bet), but still one of the best comedies on air. On a closing note, I apologize to you, my faithful readers, for not being as diligent about my HIMYM posts as I am about some other shows. I will do better.

I Knew It!

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! Spoiler warning for those who haven't seen Monday's HIMYM: Stella is NOT the mother. Shocking? Not really. The title of the show is How I MET Your Mother, not how I MARRIED Your Mother. Mark my words, boys and girls, this show will end with Ted meeting his future wife, then Future Ted saying "And that kids, is How I Met Your Mother."
That being said, I think it was kind of shitty to have Stella run off with her ex. Believable, but still shitty. But Ted was certainly not ready to get married. Especially not in some hippy, dippy yogalates ceremony. The good thing is that this now sets us up for Ted and Robin to become roommates, which was teased in Ted's birthday episode from last year, and now will happen. Perhaps we'll also get to see the goat again as well.

Other things I liked:

• Stella's sister. She was definitely above the curve on the Hot-Crazy Scale. There was no way Barney could resist this ex-vegan begging for, um, meat (snicker, snicker, snicker).
• The faces Barney, Lily, and Marshall made when they found out the yoga center had no alcohol and no meat.
• Robin working on the Japanese news-game show. Loved that monkey.

Sorry to keep that one short, but just wanted to get those ideas out there. I can't wait to see how Ted recovers next week.

I Think This Show Is Turning Into Some Sort of Message from Fate

I know I've said this before, but I love How I Met Your Mother. My love for it goes beyond the plots (which are good). My love goes beyond the jokes (which are hilarious). My love stems from the fact that the show eerily knows how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking about, and then provides an episode that not only addresses it, but even perhaps provides some answers to the questions I've been asking myself.

As we all know, our nation's economy is in crisis and the future outlook is not exactly promising. At the same, I'm working at a job I don't particularly care for that doesn't really align with the goals I've set for myself in the future. I've certainly been doing a lot of thinking about how to balance these two competing issues. So what does HIMYM do? They go ahead and make an episode about how Marshall is struggling with his inability to find a job doing what he dreams of, and instead takes a job at a bank, because it pays well and has good benefits and gives him a reason to put on pants in the morning. With everything that's been going on, if that's not a sign for me to sit down, shut up, and be thankful for what I've got at the moment, then I don't know what is.

Moving away from my philosophizing, most of the episode ostensibly dealt with Marshall's search for the best burger in Manhattan, something he experienced as a young, inexperienced twenty-two year old who had just moved to the city. He spends most of the episode dragging the gang around from burger place to burger place trying to find the best burger, which they eventually do find. I loved this episode because it took a break from the usual plots and just put the five them together in a situation I know most of us can relate to, and it works because this cast works really well together, especially when they're all together. Also, the constant eating of burgers provides lots of opportunities for jokes about meat in mouths. Yeah.

Other things I liked:

• Regis Philbin playing an angry caricature of himself. Dude is ageless.
• Robin being hungry (nice running gag). Did anyone else see her licking the envelope at the end? Hilarious.
• All of Barney's jokes about how wonderful the bank he works for is, because I'm pretty sure the shows creators could not have anticipated recent events so far in advance. (Which agains reiterates the cosmic connection I have with this show).
• The underwear radius. I would say my underwear radius extends everywhere inside of my apartment. Too much information?
  

Things I did not like:

• Marshall's hair. Please get a haircut.
• The food porn shots of Marshall eating. Eww.
  

And now time for quotes:

"Indian is not Chinese." "Weird meats, funny music, side of rice. Why are we splitting hairs?"--Ted and Barney

"This burger is so good. It's like Christmas in my mouth. Meat Christmas."--Lily (That's what she said. Sorry, I couldn't help it).

'Where do you think it was?" "Probably tucked between her legs."--Robin and Lily (Wow, can't believe that past the censors.)

"Listen blondie, don't mess with me. Daddy needs his meat."--Regis Philbin

"Oh my god, I just want you inside of me."--Robin, to the burger. (That's what she said. I'm really sorry, I just can't control it.)


All in all, I really enjoyed this episode. Now if next week can tell me where I will meet the love of my life, I'll be very happy. But then again that's probably the whole point of the show, isn't it?