Gossip Girl: Vanessa Paints With All the Colors of the Wind, Including the Crazy Ones

Well, this week's episode didn't suck. I'm actually realized surprised that it didn't suck. Post-Georgina episodes in my opinion are usually a bit of a let down. Of course, we did have ANNA ESPINOZA in this episode, so maybe that's why it was somewhat good. (For those of you who don't now who Anna Espinoza is, click here for an overview.) Let's talk about what worked:

VANESSA WAS DRESSED LIKE POCAHONTAS. Normally, anything involving Vanessa is a negative. This time, not the case. The way she was dressed for the freshman toast instantly made me think of Disney's favorite Native American princess. Don't believe me, click here. Don't tell me you don't see the similarities. And don't tell me that you don't think she did it on purpose.

VANESSA'S MOTHER. Now I can understand why Vanessa loves coffee so much. She uses the constant rush of caffeine to simulate what she thinks a mother's love should feel like. Vanessa's mother is a little bit of bitch (again, not surprising because she's Anna Espinoza). She doesn't believe in private universities, or movies, or being nice and supportive. She's all I'm-hard-on-you-because-I-love-you-bitch to Vanessa. But seriously, she hates NYU? It's pretty frigging liberal. It's not like Vanessa went to Yale or something. You have to feel a little bad for her though when she overhears Vanessa say she wishes Lily and Rufus were her parents. That's harsh. I felt a little less bad when she stood Vanessa up at--where else--the coffee shop. No wants to see Vanessa cry. She makes ugly cry face.

Vanessa being manipulative. Because really did anyone expect it to not blow up in her face? She can't tell entirely different stories to Olivia and Dan and expect them not to discuss it. She knows how much Dan loves the sound of his own voice, he will speak, dammit.

Blair manipulating Chuck. Chuck actually really does love her, and he was legitimately upset that she tricked him into kissing that guy so she would get to deliver the Freshman Toast. Also, I'm going to make the painful joke: We found out Chuck kissed a boy before, and he liked it. (Groan...damn you Katy Perry and your incessantly popular lyrics.) This storyline also worked for me because I love manipulative Blair. She's so frenetic and full of life.

Olivia going all diva to freak out Lily and Rufus. (1) Hilary Duff does have some kind of personality (2) I think that actually made me like her more and (3) I appreciate any situation where someone tries to embarrass Dan. Tool.

Ok, now let's talk about what didn't work:

Serena, the Boobs, and Nate and the weird ass poker storyline. So there were a lot of things that annoyed me about this. (1) Nate thinking he knows anything about poker. (2) Serena thinking Nate knows anything about poker. (3) Serena thinking she knows anything about poker. About how halfway through the game after Serena lost the intial $25K, I wrote down: WHY WAS THIS EVER A GOOD IDEA?? (4) Carter's punishment? Working on an oil rig. Seriously? Seriously? (4) The weird dress Serena was wearing that distracted from the Boobs. (4) Nate playing Serena to endear himself to his family. No one, NO ONE, betrays the Boobs. (5) Serena lighting a bajillion candles in her room. That seems like a huge fire hazard. (6) Carter wanting to work on the oil rig to serve out his punishment. (7) Carter NOT WANTING TO SPEND ONE LAST NIGHT WITH SERENA AND THE BOOBS. Seriously, you're about to go onto an oil rig full of Texans who hate you and you don't want to spend the night with THE BOOBS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

The period opening. It was annoying, although Blair would have nightmares about Vanessa, since she represents everything Blair hates: an educated proletariat looking to overturn the social order.

Blair and Vanessa sitting together at the end of the episode. See above for one reason why this would never, ever, ever, EVER happen. No.

So in general, the episode was good, except for the gross misuse of Serena and the Boobs. I'm signing off for the evening, so I will leave you with some quotes.

"Don't worry, I have an idea."--Nate. FAMOUS. LAST. WORDS.

"I'm in no mood to her you fawn over some girl with tacky accessories who lives to recycle."--Blair to her minion about Vanessa. Blair, you forgot about the coffee.

"I would never put my fate is someone else's hands, which is why I win, and you lose."--Blair

"Ok, so do you have any non-insane reasons?"--Dan to Vanessa about why he shouldn't take Olivia to the freshman dinner. No, Dan, she doesn't. You've met her, right?

"My husband and I don't believe in private universities, knowledge should be free."--Vanessa's mother. I bet she's a fan of free health care too. That and communism.

"I'll go powder my nose for...10 minutes?" "I only need 5."--Blair and Chuck about how long it will take him to pick up Ellis.

"You think I'm upset because I never kissed a guy before? I'm upset because I kissed someone who wasn't you."--Chuck. Huzzah?

"Sophie, you're minion number one."--Blair to one of the minions while re-ranking them. At least her formula is easier to understand than the BCS.

"I love Rufus and Lily, and I wish they were my parents."--Vanessa, just as her mother walks in. Ouch.

"Lily you're supposed to say everything is going to be fine. Where did you learn how to give a pep talk, Guantanamo?"--Blair. So THAT's where Lily was. Mystery solved.