Gossip Girl: It's a Nice Day for a Bat Shit Crazy Wedding

I knew it, I knew it, I KNEW IT. It is impossible for a Gossip Girl episode to be bad when Georgina Sparks is present. I don't know how she does it. It's almost as if she has some kind of crazy magic that she dusts all over the other characters to make them interesting and do interesting things. Either that or she's somehow hypnotizing me with her crazy, making me think this show is good when it isn't. Eh, I don't care, perception is reality in my book. So many different things happened tonight, it's hard to keep them all straight. Let's start with what was good:

• Georgina fucking Sparks. I dare any of you to tell me she wasn't the best thing about this episode. From her ridiculous ploy to get Dan to dump Olivia by blackmailing Vanessa (she's dating Orlando Bloom! She's pregnant! The gesturing was priceless) to her nonchalant reveal of the lovechild to Lily and Rufus, Georgina just exuded an air of "Yeah, I'm bat shit crazy, what of it?" And it worked, amazingly well. I think it's hilarious that she's obsessed with Dan, because only a girl like her would be. We don't see The Boobs fawning all over his lame ass anymore. Also, love the fact that she's getting whisked off to Belarus as part of Blair's revenge against her for ruining the wedding. I can't wait to hear the stories she'll bring back.
• Lily and Rufus got married! Honestly, I've loved Lily and Rufus as a couple ever since she walked into his gallery and asked him why Dan was going on a date with Serena all the way back in Season 1. They have good chemistry, they have history, and they have real love. It makes me happy to see them get their happy ending (no not that kind of happy ending), even if it will be messy and flawed, because, hey, that's the way life works. Also, the fact that Lily didn't even try to wear a white dress at this wedding (which by my count is her 5th or 6th) makes me love her all the more.
• Blair and Serena: Wedding Planners. Those girls threw that wedding together quick. I'm sensing a business opportunity here, especially if they can continue to use Jenny's minions, or "new Mean Girls" as Serena calls them, as slaves, I mean, helpers.
• Vanessa getting what she deserves. The thing she deserves being not attending the actual wedding at the apartment, the one time when it would be acceptable for her to be all up in everybody's business. Serves her right. I still don't understand why she wasn't there, but I'm not going to complain. I bet she was getting coffee, because she hadn't had a cup in like 30 minutes.
  
• Dan thinking Vanessa was in love with him. Because (1) he would, the douche, and (2) she totally is and this will be a plot point at some point in the future.
  
• Blair hating on Bre. Because no one takes Queen B's property. No one.
• The Boobs. Do you even have to ask at this point?
  

Now for what was bad:

• Lovechild appears and disappears faster than you can say "Georgina is crazy." Seriously, we bring the lovechild back as a plot point and then just have him go back off to Boston? That quick? Really? I'm glad Lily was mean to him, he deserves it. At least we don't have to look at his creepy face anymore. Creeper.
  
• Eric and Jenny acting creepy. I guess having their creeper brother around brought out the worst in these two. "He has my nose." "Those are my eyebrows." "Do you like board games?" Say hello the new Wednesday and Pugsley Addams everyone. Creepers.
• Bre and Carter. Because I find them both useless. Ughh, I'm actually kind of happy Bre and Nate broke up, because they were boring and annoying all at the same time. And Carter deserves to get the shit kicked out of him, mostly for never wearing a belt though.
  
• Saying goodbye to Georgina. Because I love her. Here's hoping Mercy gets cancelled and she comes back.
• Sonic Youth. They were creepy looking and freaked me out.
  

And now it's time for quotes, which there are quite a few of, since Georgina's presence made the dialogue that much snappier:

"The toilets in Tokyo talk."--Dan. Please shut the fuck up, Dan, no one cares.

"Trust me, Nate, I know women, and none of them are that nice."--Blair to Nate. Truer words never spoken.

"Why won't he respond to any of my calls, my texts, or my animated e-cards?"--Georgina. Because you're scary, G.

"Get Dan to dump the whore, or I'm going to tell the whole world Scott's secret."--Georgina.

"Some say love is a secret you keep sealed, but to Georgina Sparks, love is always a battlefield."--Gossip Girl. Hah. There were a lot of musical

"Well that was just pathetic. Haven't you ever tried to get someone to dump a celebrity before?"--Georgina to Vanessa

"Why would I tell that future NASCAR mom anything? I hate her and the tractor she rode in on."--Blair. Love her.

"I'm not in love with you, you moron. Georgina's been blackmailing me."--Vanessa to Dan. Because, Dan, no who gets to know you well could possibly love you.

"The only time I want to here 'no' is if Ruth Madoff wants an invite."--Blair. Like I said, I smell a business.

"My family's in investment banking. They're all broke."--One of Jenny's minions.

"What does it mean when someone used to grab your ass but doesn't? It means that someone is a big fat liar."--Georgina. Perceptive, G.

"I nearly choked, she shoved her tongue right down my throat."--Dan. That's because she was trying to suck out your soul.

"Your lovechild. Yeah, not dead. Congratulations, it's a boy."--Georgina to Rufus and Lily. AMAZING.

All in all tonight was a great, great episode, music included. I hope things don't go downhill next week without Georgina, although the preview (the Boobs play poker!) looks promising.