True Blood: Michelle Forbes is Funny Lady. I'm Still Scared of Her Though.

People magazine interviewed Michelle Forbes, aka Maryann, aka That Crazy Bitch, in advance of this evening's season finale. Turns out she is funny! My favorite quotes include:

“I’m really very nice. Everyone’s getting so scared when they meet me now. I could kill [show creator] Alan Ball.”

"It sort of flip-flopped between very disturbing and just another day at work, as odd as that sounds. You just sort of get used to it."--in response to a question about what it's like to film one of Maryann's famous sex parties.

You can read the entire interview here. So while it seems that Forbes is actually a real, normal person, I still won't be able to look at her without cringing in fear. Sorry. I cannot wait for this evening's finale. Cannot. Wait.

Emmy Breakdown: Outstanding Comedy Series, or The First Race to Give Me Real Mixed Emotions

Here's a fun fact for you. Did you know that of the 54 Outstanding Comedy Series awards that have been given out over the years, 46 of them have been awarded to just 2 networks? Yup, NBC and CBS can each claim 23 Best Comedy trophies. It's only fitting then that those two networks have the shows with the best shot of winning, but we'll get to that shortly. Let's look at the nominees:

• Family Guy
• Entourage
• Flight of the Conchords
• How I Met Your Mother
• The Office
• 30 Rock
• Weeds

This is the fourth nomination for The Office, the third for Entourage and 30 Rock, and the first for the rest. First off, let me give kudos to the Academy for the number of first-time nominees. It's nice to see that they are broadening their horizons. Second, can we talk about how wonderful it is that Family Guy has been nominated? Because it is, in a word, fucking fantastic. I know some people fault it for being too similar to the Simpsons (which it really isn't), or poor plot structure (which is actually something I appreciate--I like being able to watch clips without needing context). There are very few other shows which can make the mile-a-minute pop culture references work (incidentally, 30 Rock is one of them). Here's some evidence from this season:



Did you enjoy that? Good, because unfortunately I don't think its prospects of winning are actually very good. This is one of those "It's an honor just to be nominated so enjoy it and don't bitch" situations. The same goes for Flight of the Conchords. Entourage is quickly becoming irrelevant, so no award for it this year, and as I've said before I don't watch Weeds, but I'd also put it's prospects at slim to none. That leaves us with The Office, HIMYM, and 30 Rock. The Office had some moments this season (namely when Dwight taught the office about fire safety), but in general the show was a little uneven. 30 Rock and HIMYM are both fantastic. You've all heard me say so, so there's no real reason to extol both of their virtues more. 30 Rock is coming off a 3rd season which wasn't quite as wonderful as its second one, while HIMYM is coming off a season in which it saw a sharp rise in ratings (something notable in our DVR age) and what I'm considering a general breakthrough (in my own social circle I can count at least 10 people that have just started watching the show over the last 6 months, and while that may be because I pushed it on them like a drug dealer from one of those old "don't do drugs" commercials, I don't care.) Every part of my soul hopes the Academy will recognize this show for succeeding in a format--the sitcom--that is slowly beginning to disappear from network television and for doing so with both wit and heart. I love Tina Fey and I love 30 Rock, but I truly, truly believe HIMYM deserves the win. That being said, I'm bracing myself for 30 Rock to take home the award. So....

Who Should Win: How I Met Your Mother (please, please, universe, make this happen)
Who Will Win: 30 Rock

Check back tomorrow for a look at the Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama category, as well as a debrief of what I'm sure is going to be a fantastic True Blood season finale.

Emmy News: Tina Fey and Justin Timberlake Take Home Trophies, and All is Right With the World

Justin Timberlake and Tina Fey each won the Outstanding Guest Actor/Actress in a Comedy Series award for their work on Saturday Night Live. Timberlake won for his hosting appearance, while Fey won for her pitch-perfect portrayal of former Gov. Sarah Palin last fall. To be fair, Fey had the award in the bag as soon as she put on those glasses and said "Now let me entertain you with some fancy pageant walking." Given the SNL sweep of these categories, how do we think this bodes for Kristen Wiig's and Amy Poehler's chances next Sunday in the supporting actress category? Discuss.

(And a technical point for those who don't know: There are a variety of areas covered by the Emmy awards: daytime television, sports, regional news, etc. The awards most people think of when they hear the word "Emmy" are the Primetime Emmy awards. The Primetime Emmys are handed out at two ceremonies: the Creative Arts Emmy Awards (which cover categories like art direction, cinematography, casting, etc. and the guest acting awards) and the Primetime Awards (which cover all the major acting categories.) The Creative Arts ceremony typically occurs a few weeks before the main show. I hope this cleared up any confusion.)

Emmy Breakdown: Outstanding Lead Actor and Actress in a Comedy Series, or Why Tina Fey Will Win Again

Emmy time is rapidly approaching: we are just 9 days away from the big show, and I am WAY behind on my Emmy breakdowns. With that in mind, let's take a look at the Lead Actor and Actress in a Comedy categories. If you've followed these races before, you'll feel a bit of deja vu: 8 of the 12 nominees are repeats. Let's start with the men:

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
And the nominees are:

• Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock
• Steve Carell as Michael Scott, The Office
• Jermaine Clement as Jermaine Clemaine, Flight of the Conchords
• Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory
• Tony Shaloub as Adrian Monk, Monk
• Charlie Sheen as Charlie Harper, Two and a Half Men

This is the fourth nomination for Carell and Sheen, the third for Baldwin, who won last year, and the seventh, yes SEVENTH for Shaloub, who has won THREE TIMES BEFORE. I don't watch Monk, so that astonishes me. Oh yeah, and it's the first nomination for Parsons and Clement, but neither have a prayer of winning, so we won't spend too much time on them. I don't watch Flight of the Conchords, but I've seen some Big Bang Theory, and I find Parsons' character Sheldon very annoying but I also don't think the show would work without him. That being said, I think Emmy voters are going to go with one of the repeat nominees. Here's a question for you: what blackmail does Charlie Sheen have that gets him a nomination every year? I get that Two and a Half Men is the highest rated sitcom on the air, but it's just not that funny, and Sheen is certainly one of the least funny parts of that show. He does not deserve the perpetual nominations, I'm sorry. Shaloub has won three times in the past, and I don't know that Monk is as buzzworthy as it once was (was it ever?), so I'm counting him out. That means the race comes down to Carell and Baldwin. Who should win? Let's look at some evidence:





Do I even need to say anything? I love Carell, but Michael Scott is ridiculous and constantly teteering on the edge of being heinously irritating. Alec Baldwin all the way baby.

Who Should Win: Baldwin
Who Will Win: Baldwin

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
And the nominees are:

• Christina Appelgate as Samantha Newly, Samantha Who?
• Toni Collette as Tara Gregson, The United States of Tara
• Tina Fey as Liz Lemon, 30 Rock
• Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Christine Campbell, The New Adventures of Old Christine
• Mary-Louise Parker as Nancy Botwin, Weeds
• Sarah Silverman as Sarah Silverman, The Sarah Silverman Program

This is the 4th nomination for Louis-Dreyfus, who won in 2006, the 3rd for Parker and Fey, who won last year, the 2nd for Applegate, and the first for Collette and Silverman. Applegate's show has been canceled, so I think the nomination is as much as she'll get. I haven't watched Weeds in a while, so I will defer my judgment on Parker to one of our commenters, who I know will have an opinion (I still don't think she wins, though). I love Louis-Dreyfus, so, so much, but mostly because of this:



That being said, she's pretty funny as Old Christine, so I wouldn't count her out. I think Collette is great, although I do not watch her show, but I know she plays a woman with multiple personality disorder and awards shows tend to eat that kind of shit up like candy. The real wild card in this race is Silverman, who I find hilarious. I think you have to really like her brand of humor, though, or else she just comes off as annoying. That being said, the fact that she even got nominated makes me think she has a lot more supporters than anyone expected. But, let's be honest, this is Tina Fey's trophy to lose, and gosh darnit, there is just no way in hell that's she losing it. Not after this:



It takes a very, very, very special actress to pull off that kind of scene without seeming self-conscious or awkward or whatever. Fey totally sells it. And this is just one of many examples from this season. Remember when she made cheese stew for Don Draper and then he caught her in the bathroom? Or what about when she joined the women's fight club? Or tried to date the little person so she wouldn't feel guilty about thinking he was a child? Also, and I know this shouldn't affect my opinion, but it does: Tina Fey is the freaking head writer and exec producer of this show, so really she's spending less time honing her craft than the others. Given that, isn't it even more awesome that she's so much better than them? My hat goes off to you, Ms. Fey. Well played, sir, well played.

Who Should Win: Tina Fey
Who Will Win: Tin Fey (Oh Yeah!)


Check back Sunday for my analysis of the Outstanding Comedy Series race.

A Decent Television Musical Show: Is It Possible? Yes, It Is

So I just watched the second episode of Glee, and I have to say I'm very, very, very impressed. This show is FUNNY. FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY. My favorite line:

"I try and try, but I guess I don't have a gag reflex." "One day when you're older that will turn out to be a gift."--Rachel and Emma

Seriously? How did that get by the censors? Also, Jane Lynch is already making a strong, strong showing for the 2010 Oustanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy race with her hilarious turn as Sue Sylvester, the evil cheerleading coach. She's great. The whole show is great. Two thumbs up.

Thing That Made Die Inside: Sept 9

Ellen DeGeneres will be filling the empty 4th judge slot on American Idol this season. Uh.......what? I get that, for some strange reason, Fox really wants 4 judges, even though their incessant chattering will always make the show run over. But Ellen? Really?! Her musical background is what again exactly? Oh that's right. NONE. The shark has been so jumped that it's already been down to the police station to file a report about its missing wallet and cell phone. Twice. Yeah.

Thing That Made Die Inside: Sept 8

The use of the awesome, awesome, beyond awesome Cobra Starship song "Good Girls Go Bad" in the America's Next Top Model commercials. Why do you have to taint everything I love, Tyra? WHY?!

Emmy Breakdown: Outstanding Supporting Actor and Actress, Comedy

I hope you all enjoyed the long weekend! The 61st Annual Primetime Emmy Awards air Sunday, September 20th at 8 pm on CBS, less than two weeks from today. Let's take a look at how the Supporting Actor/Actress in a Comedy races are shaping up.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in Comedy Series
And the nominees are:

• Tracy Morgan, as Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock
• Jack McBrayer, as Kenneth Parcell, 30 Rock
• Kevin Dillon, as Johnny Drama, Entourage
• Neil Patrick Harris, as Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
• Rainn Wilson, as Dwight Schrute, The Office
• Jon Cryer, as Alan Harper, Two and a Half Men

My take: This is the third nomination for Cryer, Dillon, Wilson, and NPH, and the first for McBrayer and Morgan. For the repeat nominees, I'll bet they're all really happy that Jeremy Piven, who won the award from 2006 through 2008, isn't nominated this year. I don't really care for Cryer, but that's more because I don't like Two and Half and a Men. Dillon is fine on Entourage, but for me the race comes down to Wilson, McBrayer, Morgan, and NPH. Now, while The Office itself wasn't super-hilarious last season, the episode where Dwight gives the group a lesson in "fire safety" was an instant classic. McBrayer is consistently funny on 30 Rock, although not quite as funny as Morgan was this year (please see the episodes "Believe in the Stars," where Tracy dresses up as a white woman, and "The Natural Order," where he acts like a normal human being, for some examples.) But really for me, NPH deserves the win. He is consistently hilarious as Barney, and this past season we really got to see his character grow through Barney's unrequited love for Robin. Additionally, with HIMYM up for Best Comedy Series this year, I think NPH is the front runner. So....

Who should win: NPH
Who will win: NPH

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
And the nominees are:

• Jane Krakowski, as Jenna Maroney, 30 Rock
• Kristen Chenoweth, as Olive Snook, Pushing Daisies
• Amy Pohler, as everyone ever, Saturday Night Live
• Kristen Wiig, as everyone ever, Saturday Night Live
• Vanessa Williams, as Wilhelmina Slater, Ugly Betty
• Elizabeth Perkins, as Celia Hodes, Weeds

This is the third nomination for Williams and Perkins, the second for Chenoweth and Pohler, and the first for Wiig and Krakowski. I don't watch Weeds, so I can't comment on Perkins, although I hear she's good. I like Vanessa Williams, but her performance as Wilhelmina will always be a little too diva for me. After all, this isn't the Daytime Emmys. Pushing Daisies was always too cutesy for me, and since Chenoweth is cutesy on her own, that's just far, far, far too much cutesy going on on the whole. So, for me, the race comes down to Krakowski, Pohler, and Wiig, and I have to say, as much as I love those SNL ladies, I'm giving the edge to Krakowski. It takes a very, very, very good actress to sell the distinct brand of crazy that is Jenna Maroney. Case in point:



Not everyone can be so unabashedly narcissistic and yet watchable. (Thankfully, I am one such person.) Additionally, I don't believe that the Emmys' love affair with 30 Rock is quite yet over. Not by a long shot. So...

Who should win: Jane Krakowski
Who will win: Jane Krakowski

Check back Thursday for a look at the Lead Actor/Actress, Comedy races.

CHALLENGE UPDATE: Congrats TM

For the one or two of you who may have been following my challenge, congrats to TM who correctly guessed (after two tries) that the one thing the three songs had in common was that all appeared in episodes of J.J. Abrams shows: "I Will Remember You" appeared on Felicity, "Make Your Own Kind of Music" appeared in the 2nd season premiere of LOST, and "Bleed to Love Her" appeared in the 2nd season finale of Alias. Thanks to everyone who participated, and look for a new challenge question this later this week.

Your Fall Television Primer: The Rookies

So following up on Tuesday's post about our favorite returning shows, today I'd like to overview the new shows that most caught my attention. Let's begin:

September 9th: GLEE, 9 p.m. Wednesdays, Fox
It's fitting that I start out with the show that I think is the biggest wild card of the upcoming season. Glee is about, well, a high school glee club and all of the associated trials and tribulations. We have the popular jock who looking to be more than just a jock, the outcast girl who pines for the popular jock, the schoolteacher who loves teaching, the shrill wife, the wallflower, etc., etc. None of these things make Glee any different from all the other high school dramas or comedies or dramedies we've seen over the years. Nope, the thing that sets Glee apart is that it is essentially a musical. As we know, shows that incorporate characters singing on a regular basis have not fared well on network television, just take a look at Cop Rock and Viva Laughlin. Actually, don't, because they are awful, awful clips from awful, awful shows. The good thing is, I don't think Glee is going to suffer the same fate. It's a musical in the way the movie Once was a musical, as in that when characters sing on Glee it's because the situation calls for it (practice, competition, etc.) At least that's true for the episode I've seen. I'm willing to give Glee a shot, but I promise as soon as it veers into Cop Rock territory, I'm changing the channel.

September 14th: THE JAY LENO SHOW, 10 p.m. Weeknights, NBC
Do not watch this show. If you like scripted television, do not watch this show. If you know someone who likes scripted television, do not watch this show. If you believe in goodness or happiness, do not watch this show. If you have a soul, DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW. Armageddon is upon us TV fans: NBC is taking 5 hours of its nightly schedule away from thought-provoking adult dramas and giving them to one man, Jay fucking Leno. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the guy, but he has no place in prime time. It makes me absolutely and utterly sad to think that NBC, the network that brought us Friends, Seinfeld, Fraiser, ER, Cheers, The Cosby Show, Mad About You, Hill St. Blues, St. Elsewhere, and even Miami Vice, is abandoning that history, that legacy of strong, quality, enter-fucking-taining programming, and going with a cheap talk show. NBC would argue that television viewership is down across the board so this makes good commercial sense for them, and while, yes, nightly ratings may be dropping, people will still watch good television when given the chance. NBC just doesn't know how to produce good shows anymore (The Office and 30 Rock excluded), so they're taking the easy way out. For shame, NBC, for shame. Please, I beg you, do not watch this show.

September 17th: COMMUNITY, 9:30 p.m. Thursdays, NBC
If you've been a reader of this space before, you know I love a little show on E! called The Soup, hosted by Joel McHale. Well, boys and girls, Christmas is coming early this year, because McHale, a hilariously funny and witty and sharp individual, is finally getting his own show. In Community, he plays Jeff, a suspended lawyer who is back in school after his college degree is deemed invalid by the State Bar. The cast includes Chevy Chase and Ken Jeong (the Asian guy from The Hangover). If this show can't bring people back to NBC, nothing can. You can view the trailer here. At the very least, watching will help prevent NBC from expanding Leno to 90 minutes on Thursdays.

September 23rd: COUGAR TOWN, 9:30 p.m. Wednesdays, ABC
Do I even need to say anything? The show stars Courtney Cox and has the word COUGAR in the title. Courtney Cox is a COUGAR. Therefore this show is about COUGARS. ABC is airing a show about COUGARS. ABC is airing a show about COUGARS starring Courtney Cox. COUGARS, COUGARS, COUGARS, Courtney Cox, COUGARS. COUGARS. I hope this show is good, because COUGARS. Courtney Cox.

September 24th: FLASHFORWARD, 8 p.m. Thursdays, ABC
Created by Brannon Braga (Star Trek: TNG and Voyager, which makes him my hero) and David S. Goyer (a co-writer on a little film called The Dark Knight, which you may have seen), this show is about what happens after every person on the planet blacks out for 2 minutes and 17 seconds and sees a vision of their life 6 months in the future. This show is the clear heir to LOST (which wraps up next spring) and I'll be damned if I'm not ready to watch every minute of it. Besides it's wonderful creative pedigree, the show also stars LOST veterans Sonya Walger (Penny!) and Dominic Monaghan (Charlie!), as wells such familiar faces as John Cho, Gabrielle Union, and Joseph Fiennes. You can watch the promo here. I'm going to go ahead and say that this is my early pick for new favorite show of the season.

Other new shows:

• Sept 8: Melrose Place (9 p.m., The CW). Because one crappy CW remake wasn't enough. Oh you're still considering watching? Well Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is the star. There, I knew I could convince you.
  
• Sept 10: Vampire Diaries (8 p.m., The CW). This show looks just like Twilight, which depending on how you feel about that madness might determine your interest. If you'd like to watch a truly great TV show about vampires, go watch True Blood. Or get some Buffy DVDs. Either works. But especially True Blood.
  
• Sept 16: The Beautiful Life (9 p.m., The CW). This show is about Mischa Barton being a model and most likely a hot mess. Don't say I didn't warn you.
• Sept 21: Accidentally on Purpose (8:30 p.m., CBS). Jenna Elfman plays a woman who gets knocked up. I'm sure I will watch this once or twice accidentally on purpose after HIMYM as I anticipate what the boobs will be up to at 9 p.m.
• Sept 22: The Forgotten (10 p.m., ABC). Christian Slater stars as a former cop solving John and Jane Doe murder mysteries. Wait, what did I say this was about? I've....forgotten.
  
• Sept 22: The Good Wife (10 p.m., CBS). The only thing I know about this show is that Julianna Margulies looks like Famke Janssen in the posters.
  
• Sept 23: Mercy (8 p.m., NBC). Georgina Sparks plays a nurse. That idea scares me. If you don't watch, Leno gets this timeslot too.
  
• Sept 23: Eastwick (10 p.m., ABC). Lipstick Jungle with magic powers. No thank you.
• Sept 27: The Cleveland Show (8:30 p.m., Fox). Quagmire's Quagmire would have made a much better Family Guy spin-off, don't you think?

So that's it for my TV season preview. Is there a show that I missed that you'd like to get my sage opinion on? Let me know. I'll be back Sunday with the first of a series of posts analyzing the Emmy races this year. First up, comedy supporting actor/actress.

CHALLENGE UPDATE

Time for our daily challenge update. First off, let me say kudos to AussieTVLover, who guessed that all three were songs featured on Alias. You were 1/3 correct: one of the songs was indeed featured on an episode of Alias, but I'm not going to tell you which one. So to repeat the question, what do the following three things have in common?

• I Will Remember You
  
• Make Your Own Kind of Music
  
• Bleed to Love Her

Any other takers? Come on people this one isn't that hard. Take a guess. I dare you.

BREAKING NEWS: Katherine Heigl Takes a Hiatus from Grey's

So I'm starting to believe in the power of my crazy Grey's rant......you know, the one I mentioned the other day. The first time I posted it, they almost killed Izzie off Grey's. Then I posted it again yesterday, and today I find out Katherine Heigl is taking a five-episode hiatus from the show to go film a movie. I'm very curious to see what happens if I post it again in the future. Maybe Shonda Rhimes will shave her head and attack a car with an umbrella? Or maybe Meredith will get knocked unconscious and have a dream about all the Grey's characters sent back in time to the 60s where they all dress and act very Mad Men-esque? I'm not sure, but I know I'm probably not going to be looking forward to these Heigl-less episodes. Izzie may be bat shit crazy, but at least she gives us something to talk about. Grey's without her will probably be kind of boring. I wonder how they'll explain her absence. My fearless prediction: People stop paying attention to Izzie, so she goes on a rampage and takes Cristina hostage, which requires a SWAT team to descend on the hospital. Once they capture her, they send her off to a sanitarium to calm down. It would be the perfect sweeps plot, don't you think?

Would You Like to Play a Game?

Hello, dear readers (all 12 of you). I was just preparing to blog for another site I write for (click here to see my other work), when I had a bloop. What's that? You don't know what a bloop is? A "bloop" is when your mind runs off on a tangent and you wind up thinking of something with no recollection of what prompted the thought. This little bloop got me thinking, and I decided I wanted to play a little game with you, my readers. All you have to do is answer this question: What do the following three things have in common?

• I Will Remember You
  
• Make Your Own Kind of Music
  
• Bleed to Love Her

Each day, assuming no one guesses the correct answer, I will reveal a single clue to the answer. Today's clue: the answer is related to television. (Did you really think I was going to give you a real clue?)

The winner will get a shout out on this blog, and the opportunity if he or she wishes to select the next subject of the challenge, as well as my undying respect and gratitude. Please use the comments section below to make your guesses, and feel free to pass the fun along to friends.

BREAKING NEWS: Mad Men Has Been Renewed For a Fourth Season

Three episodes into its third season, Mad Men has been renewed for a fourth go round. That means another 12 episodes of Don being alternately inscrutable and lecherous, Betty being alternately beautiful and bratty, and Peggy being just bright, shining, budding feminist Peggy. I mean I'm not really surprised by this announcement, but I do think the show runners could be doing a bit better: I found myself quite bored by Sunday's episode, but that might have been caused by my watching True Blood right before. I mean, anything is going to look boring compared to the freaky maenad orgy cult, right?

For some funny character reactions to the renewal news, click here.

Your Fall Television Primer: The Veterans

Aaahh, September, my favorite month of the year. I love September for many reasons: the weather starts to turn crisp, football returns, my birthday happens, and, by far most importantly, THE NEW TELEVISION SEASON BEGINS! That's right, boys and girls, the new season is practically upon us, so I've decided to lay out in chronological order when our favorites return:

August 16th (i.e., two week ago-ish): MAD MEN, 10 p.m. Sundays, AMC
Ok, so I was a little late to the Mad Men party, only having just discovered it this summer, but I can tell you I'm completely enamored of this show. After two seasons, I still do not understand these characters, but I mean that in a good way. Mad Men is the perfect way to spend a Sunday night.

September 14th: GOSSIP GIRL, 9 p.m. Mondays, The CW
I can't wait to find out what Chuck, Blair, and Serena's boobs have been up to all summer. I wonder if Little J still has that mullet. Or if Dan is still a tool. I'd ask if Vanessa is still a weird stalker, but I know that's true, since I've seen her peeping through my windows. Or maybe that was just a nightmare. In any case, I'm thankful that this moved to 9 p.m. so I can now watch HIMYM in real time.

September 17th: THE OFFICE, 9 p.m. Thursdays, NBC
JIM AND PAM ARE HAVING A BABY. Oh, I'm sorry, did you want a spoiler warning for that one? Well eff you, I don't care. I'm going to scream that one from the hill tops, because I AM SO EXCITED FOR THOSE TWO. (Yes, I'm really that excited.) I'm hoping The Office can rebound a bit this season since last year was a bit uneven. Thankfully they're not starting with those hour-long episodes again, so we should be ok.

September 21st: HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, 8 p.m. Mondays, CBS
So if you know me personally, you may have heard me talk about a little show called How I Met Your Mother, and you may have heard me bring it up in conversation every chance I got, and you may have heard me go on and on and on and on about it. If you weren't so lucky, let me just tell you now, that if there were only one show you were going to watch this fall, How I Met Your Mother (or HIMYM as I affectionately refer to it) should be that show. HIMYM is Friends for the Millenial generation except funnier and more relevant and more realistic and more absurd all at the same time. I cannot wait to see Barney and Ted and Robin and Marshall and Lily again, and more importantly, I CANNOT WAIT TO MAYBE GET A GLIMPSE OF THE MOTHER. That's right, THE MOTHER is in the offing (that's not a sexual thing) and she'll always be just around the corner this year. It's going to be fantastic, and I cannot wait.

September 24th: GREY'S ANATOMY, 9 p.m. Thursdays, ABC
So, regular readers of this blog know that I have a love-hate relationship with Grey's Anatomy in that I love to hate on it (for a great example, click here), but at the same time I cannot imagine not watching it. I was very happy to see Derek and Meredith take the leap at the end of last season, and very, very conflicted about Izzie's potential death. I'm very curious to see how the show deals with T.R. Knight's departure. I'm anticipating a bunch of gloomy episodes early on in the season, but hopefully that won't last for too long, because as much as I once liked George, I don't like my Grey's all dark and twisty.

October 15th: 30 ROCK, 9:30 p.m. Thursdays, NBC
30 Rock is fucking funny. Enough said. I shouldn't have to give you another reason to watch, but there are some of you out there who I know might need one AND I know would like this spoiler, so I'll give it to you (it comes from Ausiello over at EW.com):

Question: What’s in store for Jane Krakwoski’s Jenna on 30 Rock this season? —Kimberly

Ausiello: Her career will literally start sucking when she lands the female lead in a second-rate Twilight franchise. “For tax reasons, they shoot it in Iceland and then they realize the sun doesn’t set,” explains exec producer Robert Carlock. “So they’re shooting a vampire movie without having light.” Genius.

October 28th: FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, Wednesdays (if you're lucky enough to have DirecTV or know of sites where you can watch it online the next day)
Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. This show is a winner in every sense of the word (except for that one sense where the dumb Academy of Television Arts and Sciences finally honors with a Best Drama Emmy, because alas that has not come to pass). When we last left our hearts in Dillon, Texas, Smash and Jason had left town to live their dreams, Lyla, Tyra, Tim, Matt, and Landry were all about to follow them there, and poor wonderful Coach Taylor had been banished from the hallowed halls of the Panthers locker room to coach (gasp) the football team at the recently reopened East Dillon High. I cannot wait to watch the East Dillon Lions kick the ever loving shit out of the Panthers next season. It's going to be amazing.

Other returning shows:

• Sept 8: 90210 (8 p.m., The CW). Same zip code, (relatively) same crappy cast, still won't be watching.
• Sept 9: So You Think You Can Dance (8 p.m., FOX). So I think this was just on, no? Another season already? Fox is getting des-perate.
• Sept 17: Fringe (9 p.m., Fox). This show was a victim to my busy TV watching last season, and will be again this year. If you finally give up on Grey's, make room for this show.
• Sept 21: Heroes (9 p.m., NBC). If you watch this show, it will stay on the air, which would be bad, since it is TERRIBLE. If you don't watch however, NBC will expand Jay Leno to two hours on Mondays, thus furthering his plot to take over the world. Either way, we're fucked.
  
• Sept 24: The Mentalist (10 p.m., CBS). This is one show I loved last season that I did not watch enough of. Perhaps the new timeslot will change that.
• Sept 27: Family Guy (9 p.m., Fox). Cannot wait for this show, although I really wish they would just air the "Something, Something, Something, Dark Side" episode already.
• Sept 27: Desperate Housewives (9 p.m., ABC). This show no longer makes the cut. I find the characters annoying. Do you?
• Sept 27: Brothers & Sisters (10 p.m., ABC). Now that the adventures of those wacky Walkers air at the same time as Mad Men, I'm going to be DVRing this one for a while.
  
• Oct 1: Private Practice (10 p.m., ABC). Please do not watch this show. If it gets cancelled, Kate Walsh (i.e., ADDISON) goes back to Grey's. Wouldn't that be nice?

Check back Thursday for an overview of the new shows I may pick up this season. Until then, you should be catching up on old TV and clearing out your DVRs. Remember, an organized DVR is a happy DVR.

"Look, Alone People Don't Like Hearing About the Together People"

Because they just don't, unless it involves potential porno plotlines, like lesbians in a bathroom:

OUCH

Because this is every man's worst nightmare:

Driving Lesson

Because I'd imagine this is I would be like if I was learning to drive now...well not really but this is still funny:

The Chain of Screaming

Because this is probably the 6th most useful thing I learned from this show, and that's saying something:

Lily is a Dirty Girl

Because she just is, and I like it:

"A Lot of Puppies Got Adopted That Day"

Because this is just really funny for three reasons (1) Lily's change in accent (2) James Van Der Beek (and I know you're thinking "WTF is he talking about?") and (3) Murder Train:

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Because we should all be able to translate the twelve different forms of "woo" into their proper English meanings:

Happy Wednesday

Because if anything will help you get through hump day, this happy clip will:

Poor Denise Crosby

Because even when animated, girl can't catch a break. (Also I almost JIMPed when I realized that they got EVERYONE from the TNG cast to actually do the voices):

Ladies and Gentlemen, Prepare Yourselves for a New Beginning

Because this time I'm not going anywhere: