Gossip Girl: You're a Hot Mess and I'm Falling For You

Now, this is what I'm talking about! Tonight's episode of Gossip Girl was vastly superior to last week's, and there are three reasons why: Cobra Starship, Georgina Sparks, and College. Let's start with the last one.

College time has finally arrived and our UES friends are all headed for their various selected institutions of higher learning. Dan, Vanessa (ughh), and Blair are all headed to NYU, while Serena is headed to Brown and Chuck is headed towards becoming a captain of industry, or at the very least the owner of a den of infamy (i.e., a speakeasy). Oh and Nate isn't headed anywhere, since he spends the entire episode making sexytime with his new girlfriend Bree. I'm really loving this college reset, since it's going to force the characters to grow a little bit. Except for Vanessa. She's still annoying and judgy and all up in everybody's business and loving coffee. Apparently, at NYU, Dan is the equivalent of a prom king/quarterback, because he's a writer and has writer-y hair. Blair on the hand is on the verge of becoming persona non grata. She's decided to move into the dorms and become Queen, even going so far as to distribute gift bags with headbands, but there's one little roadblock in her way: Georgina Sparks.

I am so fucking happy they brought Michelle Trachtenberg back. Georgina is the thing this show has been missing: a bat-shit crazy villain that you love, love, love to hate. She makes things interesting and fun. Also, she's a manipulative one. I cannot believe how easily Dan and Vanessa fell for her shit. Oh wait, yes I can, because Vanessa is an idiot and Dan thinks with his penis (nothing wrong with that, just calling it like it is.) Also, the fact that she used a showing of Vanessa's student film about a community garden to sabotage Blair's sushi party was fucking brilliant and priceless, because people would totally skip yummy sushi to watch a weirdo documentary in college. Not at my school, but at others perhaps. Blair got what she thought was the last laugh though when she invited a bunch of Georgina's Christian camp friends to a party on the dorm's roof. We're going to ignore that fact that NYU would never, EVER allow freshman to have a roof party with beer because that's just a recipe to have a drunk kid do something stupid, and instead focus on the OMJC T-shirts Georgina's friends were wearing. Priceless. Unfortunately, Dan Humphrey uses his newfound popularity to exile Blair and redeem Georgina. Ughh. This brings me to my third point.

I was saying to my viewing buddies before the episode started that I was really surprised that the show didn't use "Good Girls Go Bad," the Cobra Starship song featuring vocals by Leighton Meester, in the season premiere. Lo and behold, they used the fucking song tonight as background music for the party. IT WAS AWESOME. COBRA STARSHIP + GG = POP CULTURE EXPLOSION OF AWESOMENESS. This alone was enough to make me like the episode, but then the show went and did something even better: they used "Hot Mess" as background music for Serena. So now we have COBRA STARSHIP + GG + IRONIC USE OF BACKGROUND MUSIC = MY HEAD FUCKING EXPLODING. Seriously, ironic use of background music will always win you points in my book. And indeed, Serena has gone a little hot mess, boobs and all. She decided she wasn't going to go to Brown, but also ecided not to tell Rufus or Lily and instead go stay with Chuck. Chuck, who's actually become a functioning human being, obliges, but tells her not to ruin his business meeting that evening. She does. He calls her on it and on being a hot mess. She goes Super Hot Mess (and I'm loving it, hell yes) and decides to call Carter Baizen, her shirtless horseman from last week, to help her embarrass Chuck some more, as Gabe Saporta continues to sing in the background about how she was a problem child whose been grounded her whole life and is now running wild. (Ok, so they only used the song during this one scene, but whatever it's still great.) Chuck takes the high road, which makes Serena feel bad, and Carter calls her out for using him, which made her feel worse. I did not know the Boobs' owner had emotions. Passing strange this is. Continuing on, Serena talks to Rufus, whom Chuck had informed about her decision not to go to Brown earlier, and Rufus supports her and basically offers to be the Daddy she never had, if she'll let him. Serena goes ape shit over this and immediately asks for a pony and a My Super Sweet Sixteen. She then also goes to apologize to Carter since he's the only who "gets her" and was "there for her," or some other lame bullshit like that which teenagers love to spout. Ughh.

The episode ends with Blair crawling into Chuck's bed to cuddle ("Are you ok?" she asks. "I am now," he says. I vomit a little.), while Dan wakes up on the roof after having spent the night cuddling and probably more with Georgina. This shit is going to blow up in his face faster than you can say "Nelly Yuki." Oh and also, the creepy stepbrother crept around creepily and that's all I'm saying about that for now because you know they're not going to do anything with him until Lily gets back, which at this rate will be never.

Here's the best of the quotes:

"Let's make it clear from the start, we don't know each other here."--Blair to Dan and Vanessa.

"Rah, rah, zis boom ba, Georgina's pulled a coup d'etat."--Gossip Girl. This might be the best thing she's ever said. Seriously.

"I still hold him in my heart, but Jesus and I have redefined our relationship."--Georgina. Yeah, she's kicked him out to make more room for her crazy.

"Look sis, for people like us, a college degree is just an accessory, like a Malawian baby or a poodle."--Chuck to Serena and the Boobs. So true though.

"He reports to a board, Serena, and boards tend not to approve of coat check girls who give happy endings."--Chuck. He might if you let him check his coat for free, Chuck. Just an idea.

"This paranoia has got to stop Blair."--Georgina. I thought Blair's head might explode.

"Forget the four horsemen, the real evidence the world is coming to an end? Blair Waldorf needing Dan Humphrey to rescue her."--Gossip Girl. Yup.

"No headbands in college."--Dan to Blair. HAHAHAHAHA.

"Am I really drunk, or did I just see you walk in with Blair?"--Georgina

"What do you need my pants for?" "Because I want to see what's in them."--Nate and Bre. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

"Serena, what's your deal? Are you acting out because Daddy didn't love you."--Carter. Uh, yeah Carter, she is. Did you not see last week's episode?

"I don't need these losers to like me. Fear works better."--Blair. I'm thinking Blair subscribes to the Patty Hewes School of Life.

"There's a reason we never went downtown. As soon as you cross 14th Street people forget that there's a class system."--Blair

So to recap, Cobra Starship makes any TV show better. Check back next week when shit really starts to hit the fan.