While there was a lot of good stuff in tonight's episode, I think the first thing we must address is what I will call the Cruel Intentions plot, because that's what it was. Blair was Sarah Michelle Gellar, Chuck was Ryan Phillipe, and Vanessa was Reese Witherspoon. B wanted Chuck to seduce and humiliate V but then freaked out when it seemed like Chuck might actually care for V. This leads B to verbally attack V herself, which Chuck doesn't like, but then after losing his chance with V (for the moment it seems) Chuck goes to B's boudoir, where she's sitting waiting for him with candles and sexy lingerie and OVERLOAD OVERLOAD OVERLOAD.......Anthony's brain rebooting in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.......ok, B and Chuck start to go at it, but then Chuck (in a nice nod to the season premiere) asks B to say the three little words he couldn't say himself, but she doesn't. Chuck, supposedly changed now from his interactions with V, tells B that she'll have to chase him from now on, since he's done chasing her. He leaves without any sex, to which I say: DUDE, sexy girl who is CLEARLY in love with you regardless of what she says wants to HAVE SEX WITH YOU (you who have been impotent to all other girls besides her btw) and YOU WALK AWAY BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T SAY I LOVE YOU?!! Who are you, Dan Humphrey? Jeez, seriously. I will say that I hope they don't drag out this tension between the two for too, too much longer, because although I really enjoy it, I'm afraid that the buildup is never going to live up to the reality. (I was going to make a joke about blue balls, but didn't--not because I think it's beneath me, but rather because it would probably sound creepy. Moving on.)
In the night's other main plot, Serena has decided to rebel against Lily and Bart's new family rules. You know what that means: Serena + rebelling = my brain exploding. Do not look directly at her, boys and girls, her glow will blind you. Like it did when the camera gave her the once over in that red dress before she broke curfew. Or like it did when she delivered the verbal smackdown on her mother in front of a room full of guests, which I must say was amazing. There are few shows that can me nake me cringe in horror at what I'm watching and yet keep me so enthralled that I cannot look away. I watched the episode with my friend Julia and by the end of S's rant we both had our hands over our mouths. While Serena was somewhat justified in being resentful (having to remember the difference between Klaus and Claus would make me crazy) she should be a bit more respectful of her mother, who if I remember correctly, only married her current husband because Serena asked her not to run away with the love of her life. That being said, I don't want anyone to think I'm actually criticizing Serena, because I would never want it to get back to her that I said something negative, because I love her. (Do you hear me, S?)
In the evening's C-plot. Annoying Dan and Poor Little Rich Boy Nate continue hanging out together since everyone else on this show is too interesting to be around them. Nate is squatting in his family's mansion (oh poor little rich boy) until Dan finds out, invites Nate over for dinner, then invites him to stay, to which Nate says no, and then yes (and this sounds a lot like the plot of a 7th Heaven episode, which means BLEEEEEEEEECH).
Other things I liked:
- Seeing Duchess COUGAR in the previouslies, for obvious reasons that have been well hashed out here.
- Dan playing soccer, if only because it's refreshing to watch him act completely lame about something new instead of (1) being a writer or (2) judging Serena
- Bart Bass, because I KNOW he's up to something and I want to know what it is.
- The look on Blair's face when she saw Chuck with Vanessa.
- Lily van der Woodsen.
- The minimal number of Rufus sightings.
- S apologizing to Dan for being mean to him. S, don't you remember he GOADED YOU INTO IT? And don't you remember that he's awful? New Serena apologizes to NO ONE.
"Bart and me, we made the decision together. We are in complete agreement on this matter."--Lily. I'm so sure you did, Lil, I'm so sure.
"Archibald, isn't it about time you ended this bromance? What happens at Yale, stays at Yale."--Chuck to Nate about Dan. Hah.
"What are you doing here with those? Shouldn't you be at Whole Foods?"--B to V
"Oh I forgot to put on underwear."--S to Bart. (BRAIN EXPLODING!!!!!)
"Dan I know that you're Mr. Soccer now, but we both know that you prefer to hang out with girls."--J to Dan. Double hah.
"Careful B, one thing about making a deal with the devil, he always comes to collect."--GG
"Did you have a reason for coming here? If it was to insult me there's a website you can go to."--Chuck to Vanessa
"Rum runner. Womanizer. Millionaire. He was my kind of guy."--Chuck about Joe Kennedy
"Don't forget that weekend with Sarkozy. You made us go to Euro Disney."--Eric to Lily
"What took you so long?" "If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for."--Chuck and Blair (BRAIN EXPLODING AGAIN! And a very good line. That one's gong into the bank).
My DVR cut out the scenes from next week, so I will just have to wait with baited breath until it's up on YouTube. T-minus one week until the next new episode. You should start preparing yourself now.
