The Mullet Strikes Back

So I'm going to start this week's post about THE BEST SHOW EVER with an apology. I was talking to a friend this week--who in honor of GG I will simply refer to as E--who thinks that in my rapturous recapping of each week's events that I may be unwilling or unable to see any of the show's flaws, which means that I basically have no credibility as a recapper. My first reaction was "Flaws? GG has no flaws. Do not blaspheme." But in retrospect, I think the last few recaps may have been a little light on criticism, but in my defense, I, like Dan in tonight's episode, was so afraid to offer any criticism for fear of what New Serena might do to me. Actually, I was blinded by my love for new Serena, but that is one thing I will NEVER, EVER take back. I LOVE HER. Ok moving on.

If there was a theme running through tonight's episode, it was boundaries and the need of teenagers to push them as far as possible. Let's start with with our number one boundary pusher, Little Jenny Humphrey. It was only a matter of time before Little J got back to testing the waters. She wasn't a 15 year old beard last season for nothing. Her first boundary of the night? Human vision. What the fuck is up with her hair? It looks like a cat died on top of her head and then got sprayed with olive oil. Here's a tip Little J: MULLETS LOOK AWFUL NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE. Poor Taylor Momsen (that's the actress who plays Little J), she paying a real price for fame. Apparently her assault on the audience's eyes was not enough for Little J, since she decided to go head to head with Eleanor Waldorf. Eleanor is using "meeting with buyers" as a carrot to keep J working as her personal sweatshop. Apparently Little J is the only person that can produce anything the designers want. This fact is brought to Little J's attention by a model named Agnes (played by KAITLIN COOPER from the O.C.) KAITLIN COOPER also has a sketchy boyfriend named Max who likes taking pictures (read: amateur pornographer) and a lot of model friends and contacts. Little J is impressed with Agnes and, after Eleanor reams her for not having a dress prepared for the meeting, quits. This also provides the opportunity for the return of what I like to call the Jenny Humphrey Scary Face. You've seen it before: it's the face she makes whenever she feels like she's in charge of the situation. Still can't place it? It's the face where her eyes go all dead and you expect her to start spouting lines from The Ring. Remember now? Good. Little J is at first a bit worried about what this means for her future, but then Agnes shows up at the gallery opening (more on that later) and promises to introduce to her to an editor from Nylon who wants to do a feature on her. All Little J has to do is go with Agnes and sketchy boyfriend to a "party." You know the kind I'm talking about: beer, music, couple looking to bring a third person into their bedroom. That kind of party. Before you know it, Little J is dancing around in her bra (which I would be ok with except for the fact that the actress that plays her is actually 15 so NOT COOL) until Nate, who disapproved of her going to the sex party, comes to get her and refuses to leave without her. Little J is indignant, until Nate gives her his sexy eyes and they make out. Confused as to why Jenny and Nate are now an item? So am I. Boo show. There was not set up to that one at all. You can do better.

Moving on to our "B stands for Better" plot, Blair is now chasing after Chuck, pushing her ability to give in to her feelings and actually do something she would never actually do: be the pursuer. Ughh. Nope, our B would much rather lie in bed and take matters into her own hands, if you know what I mean (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). B is at so much of a loss about what to do that she actually lets S talk her into taking advice from Dan Humphrey. Yeah, that's a good idea B. Hey, here's another: why don't you tell Chuck you're a tranny. I bet that will work out just as well. Dan actually gives Blair some decent advice: Chuck is a guy, so all B has to do is throw herself at him repeatedly and eventually he will give in. Duh. This leads B to: lace stockings, touching Chuck's crotch, candles in Serena's bedroom, and lingerie. It also leads B and S to make several trips to Brooklyn so that B can get more advice from Douchey Dan (I hate Dan). While B consults with the jackass, S meets the weird looking artist who is putting the show together, and I think you all have to agree with me that this is certainly a step down for our wonderful goddess. Dude--who's name is Aaron apparently--looks like that creepy guy from section who would just stares at you and makes you feel uncomfortable. There's a rebound guy, S, and then there's insanity. Don't be insane, S. You can do better. So while S is flirting with weirdo, Vanessa, who was in the episode for all of two seconds, thank god, tells him about the Cruel Intentions Chuck and B had last week, the bitch. Dan decides to manipulate B into refusing to confess her feelings as she was finally getting ready to do, to which I say: oh ho Daniel, finally starting to come over to the dark side are we? Jackass. Can't be so judgmental anymore can we? Jackass. I hate you. So B caves and she and Chuck start arguing about their inability to act like anyone but the people from Cruel Intentions to each other and B leaves in tears. S sees her and I'm like "Oh yes, S, is going to flip her shit." She confronts Dan and he admits he manipulated B. Yup, here she comes. Dan says the only reason he helped Blair was that he was afraid S was going to flip her shit on him. Which she should Dan, because she is so much better than you. S loves being told people are scared of her, so she relents. Dan also tries to put things right by telling Chuck to go to Blair, but all that happens is that they both admit they're not ready to be together, as evidenced by their inability to say "those three little words." I have three little words I can say: WHAT, THE, FUCK?!!! Seriously, show, you better get these two together soon. You're giving the audience blue balls and they're going to get pissed.

Quote time:

"Don't forget, God always watching Miss Blair."--Dorota when she catches Blair practicing her master debating techniques.

"I have an itch that only Chuck can scratch and he won't oblige unless I tell him I love him."--Blair. If I were Chuck I would help you. I'm just saying....

"Even broken up, you guys make me nauseous."--Blair to Dan and Serena. Thanks B for speaking for us.

"Smells a little like desperation."--Chuck to Blair about her perfume. hah.

"Unfortunately there was no hard evidence of that. Literally."--Blair to Dan about Chuck. Nice.

"Hey bitch. You are a bitch."--Kaitlin Cooper. Haha.

"Oh don't do it B. You don't want you're obit to say you died in Brooklyn."--S. I LOVE YOU.

"I am, I am totally your bitch."--Little J to Agnes.

"What have we here? Jenny Humphrey caught in her knickers by Nate, her knight in shining Armani."--GG


So no Lily tonight and very little Rufus. There are some things I'm not excited about, but all in all, I have to say, that no matter what, I LOVE THIS SHOW. Until next time.