Queen B:
Boy, oh, boy was Queen B clicking tonight. There were none of those whiny histrionics she flew into last week. Nope, tonight she was alternately sweet and manipulative and pouty and I loved it. Her reaction to Cyrus was classic Blair: pout, scheme, manipulate, regret, reconcile, make some witty quips, and then back to pout when something else doesn't go her way. I have to say, amazing acting on Leighton Meester's part tonight and amazing job the writers as well, because the scene where she tells her mother that Cyrus was a cheater was perfect. I still can't tell if Blair told Eleanor just to hurt her or because she wanted to get rid of Cyrus, although I'm not sure that Blair knew either which again underscores the acting. Also, loved her reaction to Cyndi Lauper. Because even Queen B's get starstruck.
The Queen of the Universe (New Serena):
New Serena was on my nerves tonight. What you didn't think that was possible? You thought I was so blinded by New Serena's beauty and awesomeness that I would never have a harsh word for her? So did I, but then she had to go act all dumb old Serena for most of the episode that (1) I almost fell asleep it was so boring and (2) I wanted to shake her for being so dumb. She just eats up Aaron's excuses like candy. Can't you see he's playing you S? HE SAYS AS MUCH TO YOU. For a second we saw a glimmer of New Serena when she walked out on him during his date with that other girl (he and Serena weren't supposed to hang out until tomorrow. Jackass.) But then she took him back. Without any kind of committment. I'm sorry but New Serena doesn't stand for this kind of crap. Wake up, S! Remember when you were a huge bitch five episodes ago? Go back to that. I've got to say though that Blake Lively is ridiculously beautiful. Those stills of her during Aaron's foreplay, I mean, uh, photoshoot, were amazing. A-freaking-mazing. Marry me please and I will never look at another girl ever.
The Siblings I Love to Hate and Hate to Love:
What the fuck is it with the Humphreys? They are so wishy washy it makes me want to die inside. Let's start with Little J. Little J has moved in with that crazy Agnes so that they continue working on their fashion line, except that crazy Agnes keeps ruining the meetings with investors by acting all petulant and crazy. What does Little J do? Steal Agnes' contact list and strike a deal on her own. For a time, Little J seemed awesome. This does not last, however, since that crazy Agnes finds out about Little J's "betrayal" (I'm sorry, Agnes, but she is the vision of the line, you should just ride her coattails for a while and then try to get a reality show) and strikes back. She burns all of Little J's dresses right in front of her. What does Little J do? Cry and call Agnes crazy. Seriously, Jenny, punch the bitch in her fucking face. You're already homeless, you might as well feel better about it. Plus you'd be taking away her looks which are her livelihood. Fair trade if you ask me. So after losing all of those damn dresses which were so important last week, Little J returns home to Rufus to make her awful bitchy faces and talk in a weird, almost creepy seductive voice to HER DAD, to try to get him to sign papers to allow her to have her fashion line. Rufus refuses because he's still dumb enough to think he can control the hot mess that is his daughter (seriously she needs to wash her hair and get rid of that eye make up......or star in the third sequel to The Grudge, either will do), so Little J decides to try to emancipate herself from her parents so that she can sign the papers herself. This will end well I'm sure.
As for the other awful Humphrey sibling, Dan gets his recommendation letter after writing the story about Chuck Bass. Things get more interesting when the writer guy introduces Dan to his friend at New York magazine (which coincidentally writes an awesome GG blog...nice shout out, show) who wants Dan to write a tell-all story about Bart Bass. This leaves Dan with a moral dilemma: further his career and hurt people, or be the nice guy and don't. Hmm, I wonder how this will play out? As expected, Dan balks at writing the story, which would have revealed that Bart had burned down a building for insurance money, since Chuck says it will destroy the family. In an interesting twist, however, Dan gives Bart the story he wrote about Chuck, leading to a detente between father and son. Who knew Dan could do something that would make me hate him less? Only a little less though.
Other stuff I liked:
- Dan putting down Rufus to get in with Bart. I bet he learned that from Blair.
- Agnes' sunglasses, which made her look like Yoko Ono.
- The brief appearance of Nelly Yuki (Nelly Yuki!)
- Cyrus. Anything that gives Wallace Shawn work is fine by me.
- Not having to see that annoying ho Vanessa
- Not having to see that dumb shit Nate
- All of the references to fictional NY, because I think there are often too many to count or even realize. Tonight we had references to Annie, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, and Barefoot in the Park, and those are the ones I caught.
- That ugly fuck Aaron who is too ugly for Serena and needs to stop jerking her around.
- The lack of Lily? Where was she?
- Blair continuing to dress like an old lady. Girl, you'll be a cougar one day, no need to rush it.
"One thing my mom has is good taste in men."--Blair, tempting fate.
"Dorota are you insane?" "I don't know." "You used the everyday china. Cyrus will think we're common upper-middle class."--B and Dorota, because apparently your china says a lot about your socioeconomic status.
"You just grew a pair, Humphrey, don't lose them now."--Noah Shapiro. Truer words were never spoken.
"I want you to pose for me."--Aaron to S. That was totally a sex metaphor.
"Spotted: S and A bringing sexyback to time Times Square."--GG. A reference to my favorite song ever? Yes that's my head you hear exploding.
"He's 5 feet tall, he has a catch phrase, and he's a hugger."--Blair about her Eleanor's boyfriend.
"You need to chill out. Take a Xanax or a tequila shot or something."--Agnes to Little J just before she threw up. Little J could use a drug problem, that would give her an excuse for looking so bad.
"Jillian, Chuck Bass." "I've never thought I'd hear from you again." "Frankly neither did I."--Chuck and some girl. Zing!
"Screw Grace Kelly, I need to scheme." "Oh no."--B and Dorota. I love Dorota.
"Your mother is a diamond in an ocean of coal."--Cyrus about Eleanor
"Hazel, I can hear your desperation from the other room."--B. Zing!
"Miss Blair, where are you going?" "I wanted a Harry Winston choker for my birthday and instead I got a conscience."--Dorota and B.
"Poor Little Orphan Jenny. Looks like she needs a Daddy Warbucks, but Daddy Warbucks don't grow on trees. At leat not a tree that grows in Brooklyn."--GG. So many references.
"You believe in long hair, peasant skirts, and sandals, but you in an open relationship? I don't think so."--B to S, after S says she could be a hippy. As if.
Looks like next week Nate and Vanessa return for the all important Thanksgiving episode. I'll try to keep my disdain to a minimum.
