I'm Sorry, I Don't Think Gossip Girl Should Get Holidays

Good evening, boys and girls. I hope you all had wonderful weekends. I did not. Nor did I have a very good day. That's why I was so looking forward to tonight, because TV, especially GG, always puts me in a good mood. There were no OMFGG moments (looks like those are coming in two weeks), but all in all I have to say it was a very good, solid episode.

This week's episode was all about Thanksgiving, which, if you remember from last year, is a day that GG takes off. That bitch. Who does she think she is? All she has to do is provide voiceovers. She doesn't need a week off. I'll forgive her, although she better not pull this shit again next year. Ok, moving on....

Ok, so like last year, this GG Thanksgiving was filled with family drama. Let's start with the Archibalds. Let me say that I hate Nate's dad. Dude is a giant douchebag. He was going to "kidnap" his wife and son to extort money from his in-laws? I was super impressed by Nate turning his dad into the Feds. Who knew there was a brain behind those bangs? Sure this also led to him reconciling with Chuck and the hated Vanessa, but in the spirit of Thanksgiving I will let that slide. What I will not let slide was the subtle reveal that Nate is a Vanderbilt through his mom's side. So that explains the smell of money every time he's on screen. Good to know. And I'm glad to see the Captain grew a pair and turned himself in.

As for the van der Basses, I'm not sure where to begin, so I'll start with my favorite, Serena. Serena is still all googly eyed over that heinous fuck Aaron, and I still don't know why. Even worse, she's acting all needy and insecure because they are not yet dating exclusively. I'm sorry, but anyone, ANYONE, that makes a girl like that insecure deserves to be hurt in the worst imaginable way possible. Or at least be forced to shave off that ugly mustache and take a bath. Something like that. Anyway, Douche McDouche tries to ruin my night by asking Serena to be exclusive and of course she says yes (why do you hurt me so, S? Why?) She suggests they have some champagne to celebrate, but Aaron says that he's sober, to which I say "Ah yes, here's what will break them up!" S tries to play cool and say that she has partied ocassionally, but that she's a teetotaler now. If S is a teetotaler, then I'm the Queen of England. Moving on: Aaron is supposed to meet the van der Basses on Thanksgiving, and he goes to some upscale grocery store in Brooklyn that sells cheese where he runs into Rufus and that annoying fuck Dan Humphrey. When Dan hears that Aaron is going to meet the van der Basses, he totally starts peeing on his territory with comments like "Say hello to them for me, we spent last Thanksgiving together, and I totally railed your new girlfriend so fuck you." Dan suggests he bring wine instead of cheese since S is such a lush, but then Aaron's all like "S don't drink no more," and then Dan goes "Really? Because she loved drinking last spring and doing crazy things with that psycho bitch Georgina who I almost also railed and you didn't so fuck you." Aaron gets all weirded out, which makes me think that he's going to freak out and leave Serena, which if that happened I would stop saying bad things about Dan Humphrey. Aaron goes to the van der Basses where Serena is looking beautiful and acting giddy and starts asking her questions about the past and she's all "What? Me do bad things? Stop asking questions and just look at how beautiful I am." Meanwhile, Chuck is telling Eric about Bart's secret vault of secrets, where Bart keeps files about everyone ever. Eric goes in looking for his file and finds his, S's, and Lily's, which he gives to each of them. Lily freaks when she finds out he ones for the kids, so they all leave to spend Thanksgiving the VDW (van der Woodsen) way: at the diner. S doesn't go though because she decides she's going to give her file to Aaron to read. Why not just recount your sordid past out loud S? I know there are many of us who would love to listen. Aaron decides not to read the file, because he trusts her blah blah blah I want to know S's dirty secrets. Fuck you for being lame Aaron, I hate you. Meanwhile, Eric confronts Lily about her being in an institution when she was 19 (he totally read her file). She obviously does not want to talk about it, but I wonder if it had anything to do with a certain lead singer of Lincoln Hawk, hmm?

Speaking of the Humphreys, Little J and Rufus' cold war continues. Little J has been squatting at the van der Bass apartment while she decides whether or not to file the emancipation papers. She also still has dirty looking hair and way too much eye make up. Meanwhile Rufus is lamenting his runaway daughter. Things get worse when Lily tells him about the emancipation papers, but she offers to play mediator (love her!). She summons Rufus to her apartment on Thanksgiving (which annoys Bart) and leads to a confrontation over the emancipation papers. Rufus says that he'd rather her sign them than lose her forever. Little J, unable to process any situation with Rufus that does not allow her to make her dead-eyed rebellious face, leaves to wander the streets of Manhattan. She eventually encounter Blair, who tells her to stop being such a little bitch because she a parent who cares about her. Then Eleanor shows up and gives a scarf and takes her home. Apparently love has changed that woman. So in the end, Little J returns home to Rufus, tears up the papers, and TAKES OFF HER EYE MAKEUP. WOO HOO!!!!!!! The raccoon eyes are gone!

Am I forgetting someone? Oh that's right, Blair. I love Blair. She had the best lines tonight, two of which I've captured in the quotes below. I also think I would watch a half hour spin off based on her and Dorota scheming together. They are hilarious together. Anyway, Blair is fuming over Cyrus and his family taking over the Waldorf apartment. He even goes so far as to give her notes on her Thanksgiving pie. Ludicrous. Eleanor is all "Oh I love him Blair get used to it," which leaves Blair fuming. Also, loved the face Blair made when she saw Cyrus feeding Eleanor pie. Like I said, spin-off for Blair and Dorota. Blair goes over the edge when she finds out Cyrus proposed to Eleanor and that Eleanor was waiting to tell hr with the rest of Cyrus' family. She decides to set off on her own and go wandering around the city with Dorota (love all the camera time for D tonight) until Eleanor tracks them down and brings them back to the apartment, where.....Blair's dad is waiting! with a pie! And Blair is happy! All is right with the world!

Th episode ends with Lily and Eric (who both Jenny and Lily referred to as "E"...apparently the initial thing is spreading) crashing the Humprhey loft for Thanksgiving dinner, with Bart sitting in a limo outside making creepy phone calls to find out even more about Lily's past. Also, VANESSA IS A HEINOUS BITCH. She stole the letter Nate wrote to Little J to make sure that he'll go back to her instead of Jenny. I didn't think she had it in her. Nice.

And that's it for our GG Thanksgiving. Show returns in two weeks with what looks to be an OMFGG episode: Winter Ball, teen drama, an accident, love triangles, and SERENA!!!!!! Excited? You should be. I will leave you with some quotable quotes.

"Mom you DVR Big Love. This is Aaron, and he's just like Bill Paxton, except younger..and with scruff"--B to S about how she should explain Aaron to Lily.

"Where's Warren Jeffs?"--B to S about Aaron. Zing!

"I don't know about you, but the Serena I know has long flowing blonde hair, towers over both of us."--Dan to Aaron. Yes! She! Does!

"You lied to him." "No I didn't. I merely chose not to tell him everything I ever did."--Chuck and S.

"Dan perhaps you and I should talk in private to discuss who said what to whom and why they felt compelled to day it."--S to Dan. He is still afraid of her.

"How did you get so wise?" "The Nanny."--Lily and Eric. What a nice mother son moment.

"Stop. Let's drunk instead."--Chuck to Nate after Nate tries to give him a hug. Hah.